my h will not even acknowledge that he knows the OW. Never heard of her name or anything. Total denial.

How can we move forward if we can't get to the truth? WHat can I say to him?

Sorry you are here! You can not force to truth out, just believe in what you know. I don't know your story, please give us some info. Do you have the book Surviving an affair?

My WW told me she will not see or speak to me again so I will never know the truth. I did tell her I have to work with facts about her affair and when I tell people about it I have to use what I have b/c she is lying. So no need to push for the truth now.

Well do you have some evidence?

Van

Teb, I gather the projected meeting with the other woman didn't happen but did you ever speak with her again? Is there any new information?

teb,

I'm sorry you are here. I doubt this helps much, but you are not alone. There's some great people here that can help you through this ordeal.

You may never get the truth, or at least the whole truth. Trust yourself and what your gut tells you. You will not be able to trust your WS for awhile, but for many people trust can be restored.

teb...

what plan are you in...
and what is your long term plan..

you have been seperated for eighteen months..that is a long time...

he has been seeing people....
dating it sounds like..

what is his plan
what is your plan....

you don't need him to speak the truth....
you know the truth...
and his not discussing is in my opinion more damage just heaped on you...

the question is where and when is your limit....

you can continue to powerstruggle the truth from him but until he values the truth in his marriage it is futile...

if you are in plan a then plan a and quit asking him about op...

if you are in plan a then when is your plan b date..

eighteen months is a long time for this....

the longer you are seperated the more known and normal it becomes...
and the longer your inaction of your self become condoning actions of his choices...

time to take all focus off of him and what he is and isn't saying or doing...
and focus on you you you....

bet if you really focused on you...and quit being exactly where he wants you...to be dealt and tinkered with on his whim....
you'd get his attention...

but always being on the sidelines waiting for him while he dates...doesn't serve you well now does it..

ARK

I didn't meet with the other woman. The day I called her my husband came over and stayed the night. He was so quiet about it that I had to post this thread. He never mentioned it. I was begining to think that maybe she didn't tell him about it. Last night I asked him about it. And he said "didn't we talk about that last week?" I said no perhaps you have me confused with the OW. I said I need to know the truth. I knew he wouldn't tell the truth. SO he said we were just friends. Why didn't you tell her you have a wife? No answer. But what I did find out is that he had been seeing her about 5-6 months!!!! and That she has a small child. He said she told him she would call the police on him. He ended up bear hugging me and started saying I love you and only you yada yada yada.

He has been over every night since the day I called the OW.

Ok so I am going to do Plan A for 3 months and then Plan B. We were suppose to reconcile in October, he was buying us a house to move in because he doesn't want to live in this house anymore, but the house he bid on failed the inspections and then he lost his job. I said to him our reconcilation cannot be based on you whether you buy a house or not. He is somewhat adamant about not moving in with me.

He is running out of money and might have to comeback home. I don't know whether that is good or bad.

18 months seperation plus now three months of plan a ?

sounds a little too much
do you think....

ark

I wasn't using Plan A during the 18 mos.

WHat do you suggest?