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#1548827 12/29/05 12:15 PM
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tubbyl Offline OP
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Ahhh, I am so frustrated. When I met my husband, I told him of 2 friens that I have had for years. One is my mentor who I can talk to about everything. My husband is younger then me and refuses to accept this demanding I stop talking to them. I have not tried to hide this from him. I have told him it is not fair for me to do that. Now, he is seeking revenge by getting phone numbers from these young girls and saying if you can have friends why can't I. Which sounds acceptable, accept he will keep it a secret until he is busted. It says if I would just cut them off then he would seek revenge. I do not talk to my friends on a every day basis and it usualy during working hours, where as these girls are calling him at all hours of the night. I feel very disrespected and violated.

Am I wrong, should I give in a cut my friends off for the sake of my marriage or is he being unreasonable and immature?
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Personally, I tend to think that friends of the opposite sex should be cut off after marriage. It is simply too great a temptation-- especially if/when things are tough in the marriage to start relying and leaning on the friend and that can become dangerous no matter how much you think you are sexually unattracted to the person. It's sort of a dycotomy. The goal of a friend is to be close. Yet, if you become too close, you end up offending or betraying your husband. So the best way to solve that is have friends of the same sex so you can allow yourself to become close without worrying about it leading to unfaithfulness.

Your husband does seem to be acting immature. But there probably is a sense of unfairness or double-standard that he feels is taking place.

What kind of mentor is this that you have? Can he not mentor your husband and you as a couple? Maybe you should get two mentors. Let your guy mentor mentor you on topics that both you and your husband can discuss openly. And have a female mentor for the more private thoughts that you don't feel comfortable divulging to your husband just yet.

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tubbyl Offline OP
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This friend is actually no where near where we live. We don't see each other at all. I would love for my husband to meet him and speak with him because believe me, he needs a strong male role model. He is just not open to that. Never has been. My friend is not the kind who will tell me if me and my husband are having problems to leave, he is the one telling me, no, stay, work it out and give it a chance.


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