This is my first time here and I'm confused, hurt, angry, and devistated however, I was comforted by the number of postings with similar hurt, for it has taken away the lonliness.
My husband of 8mths, and yes that is young, is extremely set in his way of doing things and doesn't give me the emotional support to me to handle my busy day or needs and when he does it's a score card issue. "I did this and why do I have to keep reminding you." I realize that as newlyweds the first year is a tough year however, he has always been inflexible and I have chosen to marry him and try but I was pushed over the edge this Christmas season.

His parents are lovely people but rather insistent in terms of how long we'll stay, money issues, and whatever else they desire. The problem is my husband and I are in our mid-30's, first marriage and I personally have always handled my own affairs and financial issues (another issue we haven't worked out). The thing is I don't want my in-laws in our business until my husband and I can reach a solid understanding of OUR dreams, hopes, and desires. I guess I didn't realize how devoted he is to his family (they are wealthy and I am not). WHICH IS FINE but he's neglecting OUR new family, me and him.

I was so devistated by his parents dismissal and his dismissal for the upteenth time that I left him in Dallas and of course that opened a huge can of heartache however, I decided that since he "can't get it" that is was time for me to salve my own aching heart.

Yes I am devistated and frankly I no longer feel guilty. I needed support and he wasn't there. He has explained that his parents are very concerned and his mother is now taking valum because of me. So, I'm lonly right now with a husband that insist that we work with his family or else. And for "some reason" he finds my family ok but nothing he can connect with.

I am looking for support right now and help with "hurt" in-laws. I don't want to hurt them but my husband and I need to figure OUR life out together and when he puts them in there it's next to impossible to deal with.

It seems at the core of this is an absolute failure to communicate. I'm of the opinion that most people get the hopes, dreams, and goals pretty much ironed out before they get hitched. Plus they usually have a financial understanding before the wedding as well, yet you're saying that y'all didn't or did you and now one of you is trying to change something?

Can you explain what you mean by all of them "dismissing" you in Dallas in such a way where you abandoned your husband?

There seems to be some core issue here that you aren't communicating, do you know what that might be?

Bill,

Thank you for your thoughts. You're right, failure to communicate was HUGE.

We've, sadly enough, never really dealt with finances or family matters, and those issues should have been hit head on prior to marriage but we didn't and that's that but from here on out we need to work more.

His parents drink alot and use precription meds to get through their days, which is fine, their way but it can skew the reality of a situation. I was left standing in rooms by myself after MY attempts to engage in conversation or whatever. It was rare to share the same space with them unless the room was loaded with people and I could have a quick conversation. Obviously there is more here and it stems from our semi-eloping to Taiwan versus a big social wedding. So...they cards are heavy BUT my husband and I have to be firm in our marriage to support something like this... and we're not...well at least yet. We've sought our minsters advice and have counseling lined up for next week.

Thank you for your kindness...

I am a newleywed too and I made the same mistakes as you. We didn't iron out finances or friends/family time. We fight alot about these things as a result. And I think I will have to live with our vast differences my whole life. I am glad to hear that you are going to counseling though. I think that would be good for us too. Best wishes! I trust the couseling will solve alot of the things you may have needed to iron out.