Hi All,

I would like to just update everyone on my sitch.

MB has been invaluable to me during this time. I have read alot of posts and have really gained some insight about my marriage and have owned up to my part in this whole thing.

First I would like to say that as far as I know my husband has had NC with OW since I have requested. She however has since e-mailed him a few times. He has NOT checked the e-mails. The e-mails are platonic in nature and I think it is an effort on her part to keep the friendship going.
I want to say that I don't believe this was a full blown EA I may have stopped it before it got to that. The phone calls were maybe 2-3 times a week and were not on Holidays or late night calls. It was during his lunch and on his way home from work. NOT excusing his behavior just annalysing what I believe to be true. It was inappropriate and he has owned up to that. I think perhaps SHE needed his support and maybe got a little more attached. My husband is a good listener and conversationalist and he was probably fulfilling an EN that HER husband was not.

Now I have been trying to figure out what need she what EN she was giving my husband that I was not. I am not sure who wrote the post about "GOOD PHONE" but I think this may be part of it. I own my own business and my Husband would always seem to call me at the busiest times of the day. Instead of appreciating the fact that my husband was calling me to ask how my day was I was short with him and probably sounded annoyed because he interupted my work.

SF.....what can I say ? I have become an absolute bore in that department too. We sometimnes went weeks without because of my lack of desire. He mentioned it but I ignored it. I tried to blow it off saying I was tired blah blah blah.

I am NOT a morning person and my husband is. He would try to snuggle in the mornings with me and guess what?? I was annoyed and would just blow him off again. For Goodness sakes this is a man who would make me breakfast and draw mu bath water for me...grrrrrrrr what an idiot I was!
These are just some of the things that I did which I KNOW I have to change.
Well... I am making MAJOR changes and he is seeing them. I know he loves me. I KNOW I took him for granted and I need to change that. All the effort I made to make him feel special 27 years ago when we courted NEED NOT change.HE11 it SHOULD not change.

I am reading HNHN and I am going to give it to my children as a gift when they get engaged. I wish I would have had it.

I guess my point is that this EA or almost EA not sure yet has been a blessing in disguise. Don't get me wrong I am still snooping and because of that I am sure he has not contacted her. But it has awakened me and MY role in keeping my marriage intact and happy.

He saw me reading HNHN last night and I mentioned to him a little about the book. I told him the 10 needs and was trying to get him to tell me his top 5. He said he never really thought about it. I said I wish you would and let me know. I told him I would like to give him the questionnaire to fill out so I could better meet his needs. He laughed and I said I am SERIOUS. It will take some prodding but I hope he starts to participate in this with me. I mean I thought I knew his needs but in hindsight I guess I really didn't.

I am sorry this is so long but I guess my question is ...Did anyone have a problem getting their spouse to fill out the needs form? How can I get him to participate .

Thanks again to all who have replied to my posts.
I really appreciate it!

Your Post was full of honesty and I for one enjoyed it. Good for you.

Thanks MS.

I have read many of you posts and I appreciate what you offer the forum!