I've been seperated for 18 months, we both thought it would be better for us. Although we had different reasons for the seperation. I wanted him gone because he had no job and didn't appear to be looking for one. In hindsight he was depressed. He wanted to leave because I wanted his daughter to go back and live with her mom until he got a job. Then there was a lot of little issues as well.

Right now.

I felt like my husband was having an A. I called the OW and she never said what they were but I assume they had some sort of relationship.

We have been seeing each other most everyday, and for the last two weeks we have made love every day and sometimes twice a day? I have been doing PLAN A but I have done a lot of LBing. I haven't gotten the book yet (SAA), it should be here in 7 days.

My H refuses to move back home. I think it is because his childs mother will not let his daughter come over here. He has visitation rights. I don't know what to do at this point. He also says he wants to buy a home and then we all move in together however he just lost his job again so buying a house could easily be 6 months off.

What do I do?

Defining the problem first might help.

First, you're not separated (sic). You're maintaining two households, perhaps at a greater expense though you don't say so.

Two, your husband can't/won't keep a job. You need to figure out why and whether you can live with that or not. That inability HAS been a quite legitmate reason for many a (divorce) in this country, btw, and it's totally up to you.

Three, your husband might well be having an affair. He's refusing to move home even though he's enjoying the sex and, at least, some "quality" time with you.

That MIGHT be an indication he's getting other needs met elsewhere because I have never heard of a divorce decree specifying a child could not visit a man in his home where his current wife lives, absent drug problems and/or some kind of moral depravity on the new wife's part. Talk to an attorney in your locality to see how visitation is viewed there. If it's anything like what I understand the process to be, this is a big ol' red flag. (How can it not be possible to bring her to your current home but it would be possible in that new home?)

On the other hand, he might not to come back home because he gets the sex he wants, but he doesn't have any responsibility for the family unit to go along with it. You need to find some other indicators, I think.

There are some threads out here on the top signs of a cheating spouse. Try searching for "behavioral signs" under username "RIF" to find a nice list of 50 items. There are additions to that list and perhaps some of the long-time posters out here know how they can be found.

So...you tell us. What is the problem with your relationship? Then tell us what your end goals are, okay?

Hi, teb.

Quote:
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I think it is because his childs mother will not let his daughter come over here.
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Or is it because he is afraid of what daughter might let slip out in the course of normal conversation?

All the best,
Gimble

Why would he have a problem with the relationship just like it is?
Cherishd

I've been thinking about your questions and Cherish you are probably correct.

I love my husband but after looking over his work history the longest he has kept a job while with me has been 3 years. On average he keeps a job about 20 months. He is talented and makes money on the side by doing odd jobs. with that said I could probably handle his work stich.

I am totally confused and in the dark about the status of our M. I talk to him about it but he just says that he is going to get us back together in a new home yada yada ...

I still haven't gotten the book. WHat should I be doing. Apparently something different because I want a different result. I do all of the wifey things, cook for him talk to him. I am afraid if I cut him off he'll find someone else. We went 3 weeks without talking and i nearly died. HELP me please.

I am dying somebody please help. I've got to put an end to this rollercoaster.

teb,

Sorry about what you are going through. What are you scared of loosing?

my husband/marriage.

I understand. I guess it was a question for you to consider what is really going on. He is getting what he wants from you and probably if he is having and affair the OW is meeting his other needs. I really think you should get both of Harleys book. His Needs Her Needs and Surviving and Affair. Look at what Longhorn and Cherised had to say.

I think there are Red Flags all over the place. I am not saying cut him off but you need a good plan A even though he is outside the home. Do some investigating for yourself to see if you can find out anything.

There might be something out there.

I got the book today, I'll read it tonight. Last night I somewhat blew it because I found out the girl was still calling him. At this moment I feel that I donot want to be in limbo anymore in this relationship. I told him that this is the end of the road he needs to come back home and he needs to let me know. He was having a tough time deciding he just kept saying that I don't want to come back to this house because I don't want to be in a position like I was before. I explain to him that a new house is not going to solve all of our issues. So I think he'll come back home. If I would have force the issue he would have told me what his intentions were. But we had so many things to discuss that I told him that I need to know by Friday Morning. I am not going another further into 2006 in this stich.

I don't know if I blew it or not. We made love this morning and

childish me - put passion marks on his neck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can't continue on this roller coaster and I don't want to be the doormat anylonger either.

Any feedback is appreciate.

OUCH!!!!!!! Ultimatems are selfish and big time love busters besides if he doesn't provide you with an answer by Friday what will you do....? Get to reading and ELIMINATE ALL LOVE BUSTERS, LOVE BUSTING IS NOT A PART OF PLAN 'A'...PERIOD.