Hi I have been lurking for a few days and am new here. I am actually pretty sure there is an EA or something more going on with someone whom my H spends a great deal of time around. They are very "close" friends.

I notice he avoids and "contact" with me when we're around her. Ex: At last nights New Years party he didn't come near me until I was in the bathroom to kiss me. I left. These are just a few of the things that I have noticed.

No desire to shower, shave or care for him self especially around me. But whenever he leaves to go out of town for work he showers, shaves and brushes his teeth

No desire to do anything at all around the house especially with me.

No desire to do anything or go anywhere with me.

Very critical of me, says very mean things to me often and is careless about hurting my feelings.

Could not even shower and shave to take a Christmas photo with me.
Has no desire for lovemaking with me.

When we do have sex, he’s been very different in bed with me-his touch is different and he does things that he’s never done before..

No desire for any affection or intimacy with me. Especially when we are out an around this other person.

We have no closeness like we used to. There is no hand holding, no snuggling. We were always the ones to be hugging and displaying our wonderful affectionate marriage with people. They always commented on it.

I feel like a live in maid/hooker service.

I am sure that he is not in love with me anymore.

When we used to go out and there were discussions he used to boast/take pride in the fact that he spoiled me and did little things like set up the coffee maker. I now notice that he avoids those types of things and when there are conversations he acts like he doesn’t care to do these things. This especially around this other person.

I thank you in advance for your kindness and thoughts or opinions. I am really crushed that my marriage of 23 years is fading and fast!

Wow, I am going through the same with my husband. Read in General Questions 2 my post, "Is He Cheating"... Definitely an AE going on with my H, but he denies profucely. You should post this in General Questions 2 - you will get more responses.

Have you questioned him about it? Have you got any proof? The advice I have gotten here has been wonderful and is helping me to build the strength to bust his butt.

I am a new mom and my marriage has only lasted 3.5 years, so I can't even come close to knowing what it would feel like after 23.

I am going with my gut instinct as well as cell phone records and a text message...

I will keep up with your posts to see how you are!! This sucks and I feel your pain!!!

Alison

Sorry this is happening to you. You have found the best place possible to get reat advice and support.

Start checking right away: Cell records, cell call log, e-mails, his car for extra cell phone, calling cards, notes from ow, credit card receipts/records.

Is the ow married? Get your ducks in a row and then expose to her H - do NOT tell your H you are going to do this. He will sabotage you.

Trust your instincts. They are always right.

Do not ask your H if something is going on. He will lie, project. When you have your proof, tell him you KNOW what is going on, do not reveal your source; he will only get more sneaky.

Go over to GQII for more responses.

Good luck.

Start in Plan A, which is being the very best wife you can be. Expect NOTHING in return. The good part is that you only have to do it for a couple of months, and then there is another plan.

If he uses the home phone, you can get a recorder that will plug into an unused jack and record his phone calls. You also can check the cell bill, and put a recorder in his car.

And the sex thing is a HUGE red flag. My husband suddenly started calling me "baby" during sex. He had never done that before. Plus I noticed a change in other things.

Hi, and thank you all for the support because right now I am feeling pretty sick inside. The trouble is that his cell phone is paid for by his employer so I have no resource there at all. He knows I am a very smart cookie and I have been snooping and he's got his tracks covered very, very well. Yesterday I found a phone number hidden on a piece of paper in his wallet. When I called it I found a woman's cell phone voice message. The number is also stored in his cell phone as JT.

Last week I also found out why I would get the message "user busy in data A3". (We have nextel phones) He is able to receive both email and text messages by phone. The problem is that again it's through his employer and he's got everything clean-nothing saved, he deletes it all because he knows me very well.

I went through his work truck-as he is a truck driver. He is local usually only goes through the day and home by 5-6 p.m. but he does take some road trips where he is gone 1-2 days. I also went through his pick-up truck. Both are clean as a whistle. How on earth do you confront someone with no evidence really to speak of but guts instinct, and a phone number?

Responded to your thread on the GQ board. Good Luck

Believer, I don't want to hijack this thread, but I have to ask about the "baby" during sex. My husband started doing that during his affair and still does it (NC since August). What is that about? Why is your husband calling you baby?