bump

After my STBX threatened to try to get me fired or demoted, (in her own words she said, "what do I have to lose? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) she later emailed me and informed me she had been in contact with her internet lover the night before mediation.

That same day she was talking to me about reconciling. She told that she hadn't spoken to OM in weeks. (that was about the 5th time in the past year she told me that.) Later that same night she is cavorting with her OM.

I had sent an IM to him myself thanking him for his part in the destruction of my family.

My STBX emails me, with her admission and tells that "she knows that has probably deeply hurt me." But that she was just thanking him. She was always good at showing the OM appreciation, in every way, day or night. Even if I was home in the other room, sometimes the same room.

Anyway, she tells me that he IM'd her. She thought he wouldn't do that after she sent the NC letter in October. But when he did she "thanked" him.

Oh and by the way she had been in contact with him both phone and cyber before this (by her own admission between oct and dec), so her claim about her not knowing he could contact her was another lie.

After 3 days of trying to convince me she was committed to our M, she was back on the computer "thanking" him the same nights. And if she really was in NC (even though she admitted broke it) why would she respond and "thank" him.

Well Tom, she's no different than she was in '04. But you are. Leave her behind you.

GC

GC,
Your right. It is no different. I was hoping it would be, I had my boundries trampled because I thought with time and encouragement she would become decent again.

But she still blames me for her behavior. Claims it is my fault she has mood swings now, claims it is my fault we didn't reach a settlement at mediation, claims it is my fault for her cheating, claims it is my fault she can't be nice. ????? It is sad.

When she was "good" mrs. Joad she'd say it was her fault for the affair and I was not to blame. But the next week or day (when "bad" Mrs. Joad arrived) she would say "that's why I cheated" indictating that I somehow forced her to meet an internet stranger in a hotel with her chocolate syrup. I forced her to be mean, and cruel. I forced her to sit around all day and never cook or clean or launder the kids clothes. I guess she thought she was a queen. She was entitled to everything without her having to do anything.

Yes after years (about 12) of not having any of my needs met, without having any help at home, I withdrew. I admit that. I became angry, stopped meeting her needs. But I never contemplated divorce or cheating. I withdrew and was depressed. And when I withdrew, she used that to blame me for her affairs. She used me like an old mule. Starved me emotionally and physically.

I know I'm wearing you guys out. This just the only place I can vent anonomously. I can't say it to people I really know, I'm to embarrassed to say it.
But she has no shame. She laughs at me for being on here, while she spends more time with her computer and stripper friend's kids than she does with her own family.

.

“I got an email today threatening to try to get me fired if I don't give her the inheritance money I received from my parents.”

I hope you are documenting and logging all these outrageous actions and threats. They will not reflect well on her in court.

Tom, she is someone else’s problem now. Let her go. Let her OM, or OMs, meet her needs, whatever they are.

All the OMs in the entire world rolled up together could not put a dent her needs.

IMO she doesn’t have needs. She has serious defects - unfillable holes.


“Yes after years (about 12) of not having any of my needs met, without having any help at home, I withdrew. I admit that. I became angry, stopped meeting her needs. But I never contemplated divorce or cheating. I withdrew and was depressed.”

Precisely. I admit this too, let’s form a club. Almost the same number of years, too.

I rarely became angry though, and I always tried to meet her needs to the best of my ability, but she wouldn’t let me. Yet she still blamed unmet needs as the cause of her LTA!

Your WW cannot look at herself yet. She may never be able to look at herself. That’s bad.

You don’t have to look at her any longer. And that’s good.

With prayers,