My husband has been back in the home for two weeks now. My question is this, how do you deal with the feelings of knowing that when he calls you he really wants to be talking to the OW? I assume that this happens in other instances as well, hugs, sex, etc. What do I do? What is the best way to handle these feelings during his WD? It hurts a little every time.

I think most people here can understand how you feel, whether it is 100% accurate or not.

Has he stopped all contact with OW?

If he has you should try to welcome the calls, hugs, sex etc. that he is bringing to you. It is better that he calls you than her, it is good that he is allowing you to meet his needs. I know this might be hard sometimes, but regardless of whether he is thinking of her and calling you, the important thing is he is calling you. Make those calls pleasant, make him want to do it again, and again. Meet his needs.

I often felt the same way. Whenever my STBX would email me, or cuddle with me, or initiate sex with me. It is very hard, even feels demeaning sometimes. But hopefully with time he will WANT to call you, at that will be because calling you was good - it met his need.

Whatever you do, do not refuse to meet his need because the OW met it before. He will again seek OW to meet that need if you don't.

Good Luck

TX -

Be Happy! It's hard I know, but this is exactly what the WS should be doing during WD. There is a link somewhere on here - TOOLS for THE WS. I hope to try to find it for you & perhaps someone here can find it before me. It will help you understand what the WS is going through during this withdrawal stage.

Instructing the WS to call you whenever he is tempted to call the OW is one of the things on the list. Like Tom Joad said above, meet his needs when he is coming to you for them instead of the OW.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?? It will help you through the Recovery stage - Are you certain there is No Contact at all with the OW? How was No Contact established?

You are at a great source to help rebuild your Marriage.

Best of Luck!

Kim

How serendipitous is this ...

You post your thread, and I get an email from STBX. She sends me something I really really like. She never has before, but she has done this with several of her other lovers. So I really like it, but at the same time, I know she has never done this before, only for her OM's. So I am immediately thinking, she is thinking of her cyber lovers.

So do I reply, " I think this was meant for OM's" or do I say, "I think you mixed up the emails you sent to OM and me" She has only ever sent me the meanest nastiest emails, or phone messages for the matter. Even when she "liked" me. LOL

I told her thankyou appreciativly, and I was, but still, in the back of my mind.... LOL

So Tex2Step come here to express your doubt, and try to enjoy the gifts of time your H is giving you, and make him enjoy it also.

My mediation is Tuesday. Probably reach an agreement on property and support, then off for the Judge to sign. She leaves hints on something different, but never actually says anything clearly.

think of him as a man who is giving up an addictive substance .... he is calling YOU instead of taking the drug .... try re-framing it that way

Thank you all so, so much for the support. I am making every effort to be pleasant when he makes the calls, etc. We have all the Harley books, lol, and we are making a great effort to put the hours in and meet needs with out LB's. It is a very odd way of living right now, but the honesty has made everything so much easier to deal with. Tom, I wonder if your STBX is wanting out of the divorce? In my opinion, I think that she may have sent the email to you as a way of testing the waters. She doesn't want to put herself out there for outright rejection, but wants to see how you react to the email. I hope that makes sense! Although, if it were me I would be happy and intrigued on the inside, and make her say to you clearly what it is that she wants. I don't know much about your situation, but it's what I would do in this case. I no longer have tolerance for those kinds of games, we did a lot of that in our relationship. I will keep in touch on the message board, I find a lot of comfort in your replies. Thanks again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

TX- just going to interject something here and I hope you aren't offended...

but if you worry that you aren't whats on his mind for sex, pelase consider introducing something new to your bedroom romps. TRUST ME-- when you add a new, uh, twist, to it and he comes back for it time and time again...you'll know its something only you have provided. I did it and it changed EVERYTHING about my anxieties in the bedroom.

Just a thought.

Good Girl Mojo

Thanks Mojo, I will give it a try.

I also found a post on here yesterday that listed some of the expectations and feelings of a WS going through withdrawl. It made a lot of sense and stated a lot of the things that are going on around here. I just try and remember to live by the Rules of Protection and Care that the Harleys talk about in SAF and I know that we will get better after a little bit of time and a lot of effort is applied. This time next year will be better than ever. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I am trying to see things through the different perspectives that have been offered in the previous posts. Thanks again, to all of you.