I am so glad 2005 is over. It was the worst year of my life. I so hope 2006 is the year for us. My H left me alone for new years. I put a good face on for the kids and we banged pots and pans but I was sobbing while saying the nightly prayers with them. It is awful all this crying. I am so depressed.
D day was Dec. 1st. I was doing Plan A but printed off a Plan B letter today and gave it to him. He said he did not want to read it right now and we went out for a nice New Years dinner but he got really mad at me on the way home because I went out last night and was mysterious about who I was with. One of the people told me he was doing cocaine! He wanted to know super badly who told me that and of course he denied having that addiction.
So many addictions I am reeling. Maybe in love with another woman? total daily drinker, pot occassionally and now coke? I am at my witts end.
I need some help with Plan B.
In the letter I said I wanted him to call before coming over. I thought if he would say I want to see the kids from say 4pm to 7pm I would just leave before 4 and come back after he has left at 7pm. Will this work? Do you think that is do able?
I really am starting to hate him for all this agony he is putting us through. I want to preserve my feelings of love thus plan B and no contact until he ends the affair and I want a phone call from her leaving a message that it really is over. I don't want to be in a triangle.
I took away his cell phone though because that allowed him to have this secret life and I am paying all the bills. I will not support his affair. He asked me how much in support I was going to pay to him! I laughed and said excuse me? you are having an affair on me? Hello? time to grow up and deal with your bad decisions.
I better try and get some rest. After the coke story last night I came home and we talked from 230am to 530am. We both cried and said sorry for letting each other down but of course no words of the affair is over.
He is not ready yet and it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Any advice/support would be wonderful. I mostly read (I have posted a bit of my story) but I am hurting badly right now. No New Years with my man? First time in 11 years! God it hurts!... but I guess he is not my man anymore, he has a mental illness, he is an alien. Where is my husband? He's in a fog of addiction and I cannot help him. Can I? amy
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