I know its been a while, been REALLY busy... Anyhow, things have gone from horrible to not too bad to pretty bad... The last few months have been really rough... She has COMPLETELY neglected me (i didnt even get an instant message for christmas, let alone a gift...). Its as if i dont exist. But in light of everything, i can deal with that (what other choice do i have?). I keep telling myself it'll change when i get home. She seems pretty negative about everything. So im bracing for impact... waiting for her to say she wants a divorce the minute i step off the plane. OH GOD I HOPE NOT!!! That would destroy me. She is my whole world. The only thing that has gotten me this far is faith that things will get better, but she seems pretty adamant about "not promising" anything. I can deal with losing her if we get a fair shot, but if she just walks away without even trying... thats gonna kill me.
So im going to go home and do everything in my power to show her how much i love her. no LB's, but i also need to talk to her about how she has treated me these last few months. It's been pretty horrible. "Careless Disregard" is the best description. No attempt whatsoever to be nice or caring. I mean CHRISTMAS!!!! I wish my sworn enemies a merry christmas... but not her.... she just went on about her business like i didnt even exist. So thats going to be the tough part for me i think... not forgiving the affair, but forgiving her actions since. Anyone have any similar experience... any advice to offer? any help would be greatly appreciated.

No similar experience or advice really Ray, just wanted to say Happy New Year to you, and offer my hope that things work out the way you would like them to.

I do know that we should try to visualize positive outcomes instead of visualizing the negative posibilities.

Leave the face off of the figure in your visualization though. Let it be a faceless, nameless person who brings a feeling of joy and peace into your dream.

We have such power to attract into our life what we fear the most. It would be so much better to turn that power of attraction into something wonderful, wouldn't it?

Ray!
I wish the best for you & Renee, I hope things go okay. Just remember, God has it all in His hands, and He has a plan for your life if you surrender to it.

MSA

ray

I pray she will see what she has done and want to at the least try to work things out.
I want my H home alive & well and would do most anything for him to see his new son once more. Thats in Gods hands i guess.

I also failed my H when he was deployed so I can understand the loss and isolation a spouse can feel so alone, yet its no excuse, there are no excuses unless maybe its a real mental illness that caused abonormal behaviour and thats not the case here.

She will feel pretty lost right now, I would suggest she is assuming there is NO WAY you will really forgive and NO WAY she could go through another deployment anyway .... so her thoughts may be just 'let it go it's too tough' or 'I don't want to live like this' etc etc.

I suggest you start doing plan A and accept she is not feeling much for you or perhaps ANYONE right now even if the affair is over. She may be in withdrawal from the OM so not in shape to feel for you.
She may also have intense feelings of guilt and shame in addition and not able to handle any of it so presents a front of indifference as a protection. You see she sees you as a danger right now. To be a 'wife' to you would mean all those horrible thoughts she has about her behaviour are true and thats hard to face.

But she will have too sometime.

START off easy and please please do try & get some M couseling, even here from the Harleys once you are home EVEN if she says as you get off the plane I want a Dv......the Harleys are some of the best from what the feedback that is here.

All the best

AW

AW,

Wow! What a very insightful post into the possible thought process of a WS. What a smart lady you are, I never would have looked at it that way.

Ray, hope you are doing okay.