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I thought these might be helpful if anyone is interested. archive information
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That's great eav.I think TMCM had a list like this once too.I used to go back(waaay back) and read all those old posts.It was eye opening and a reminder of how very similar all A's are throughout eternity.I often wonder how all those folks are doing now,many years later.
O
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
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~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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hey october i actully FOUND the list on one of TMCM's archive posts!
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Well that must be why it looked so familiar! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
---------------
~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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here is something that i found helpful to my situation because of the things my H has said to me-it is a post from someone almost a year into recovery Back when the affair was in full force and even towards the end, I never thought that we would be where we are today, never. I thought that it was really over as much as I didn't want to admit it, but I was wrong and God had other plans.
I have come to the understanding that God needed that time to prove to my H just what he was doing and he had to let himself make himself miserable before he could really appreciate what he already had but was throwing away. I was just so afraid that my H would not listen but he did, eventually. I've also learned that most do, if just given enough time to make themselves miserable enough.
I can remember the knock down drag out fights we would have, the hurtful things he would say, the instistance that he did not love me and that he wanted a divorce, and that even if "they" broke up he never wanted me again. I'm sure you all know what I am talking about when I speak of that sort of cruelty and heart breaking statements.
My H was like a stranger in my H's body. It looked like him and it sounded like his voice but... it wasn't MY H!!!! At the time, my H said that person was gone and was never coming back and I came to the point where I believed him but we were wrong.
God has blessed us a thousand times over and I am eternally grateful and thankful.
So for all of you out there who are where I once was, just know that it can be this way for you too. Just be patient and give the Lord up above enough time to season your marriage so that it will be great upon a reconciliation.
I wish and pray for the best for you all. Sometimes we win the battle and things turn out the way we desire them to and sometimes they don't but you can be sure and rest in peace knowing that God has a plan for us all and He doesn't make any mistakes.
Love and Hugs to you all,
Genie
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another post that i found helpful to me
posted By: Redon
June 20, 2001 08:10 PM
Just did some thinking today. What exactly are the differences between falling in love and the "Fog"....
Well, biologically, probably nothing. Everyone goes through what we call the Fog when we fell in love with our WS. So what's the dynamic that comes into play when an affair takes place? Why do we call it the Fog instead?
Hmmm, my guess, and that's all it is, is that reading from Harley's articles a lot comes into play. Paraphrasing here, romantic love is an extremely powerful emotion, people lose their spouses, their homes, their children, their jobs, their self respect, dignity and the respect of those around them to experience that feeling of romantic love.
In a 'normal' relationship, this 'fog' isn't a problem. And as the relationship progresses, the chemicals that cause this feeling eventually 'dry up', and if the relationship is to continue, then another kind of love takes it's place. A committed, stable affection that can grow deeper (hopefully) throughout the years. This is the real glue that holds a relationship together for the long term. And it's based on trust, truth and respect (among other things).
However, in an affair, biology takes the reins. Both the WS and the OP are riding that chemical wave. Physical attractiveness isn't usually an issue because the affair started through an emotional connection. A connection that's surprisingly easy to make when the WS is in a vulnerable time in the relationship with the BS.
Once the feeling of romantic love is established, everything else goes out the window, and this is what the BS calls the 'Fog'. How could the WS give up everything? It just doesn't make sense, but romantic love is like that. The upside to all of this is that inevitably, those chemicals will 'dry up' too.
This is where Plan A and Plan B come into effect. When the WS starts to lose the feeling of romantic love with the OP (which can be helped along by LBing by the OP), the WS will think back and reflect on what has happened. They start to realize all the pain that they have caused, all the things that they have given up. And as [H] has said, a strong relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies. The WS and OP had to lie to themselves, each other, and everyone else in order to be together. These lies will be exposed when romantic love starts to fade. If a solid Plan A and Plan B has been implemented by the BS, the WS will want that part of their life back. They will want to get back all those things that they gave away for the fleeting romance with the OP. If they feel that they have a safe place to go to, a happy place to go to, they will return.
This is why most affairs end within 6 months after being exposed. Why only 3% of people who started their relationship as an affair end up getting married and why 75% of those marriages fail.
If you want your WS back, have hope. Someday, the affair will end. Just be the best that you can be in the meantime.
Just my thoughts on the matter. Take care,
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i like this one too-i have this passage on my fridge and i carry a copy in my purse...
samskara
posted June 22, 2001
There has always been a very clear delineation between the Fog and love; it's been there right in front of us all along, the BS, WS, OP ... if you read this passage thinking of the opposite meaning, that is the fog; as it stands, this is love:
"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
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