Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1550525 01/01/06 04:07 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88
I really don't know what plan A or plan B consist of. I know from reading the forum it seems as if you are suppose to expose the affair. How can you do this if you have no idea of where your H is living, who he is living with, and who he is having an A with. Please help!

Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 948
You have to sneak around (without letting him know it) and collect information to expose. You must know where he works, where he hangs out? He NEVER contacts you? You have NO contact with him?

You can read about Plan A & Plan B on the main home page; also...

Quote
Pepperband's - The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan A is both a *carrot* and a *stick*.


BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88
B
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88
I know where he works and that is about it. He refuses to tell anyone where he is living. He do not have any friends except for the ones he has made since he left home and I do not know who they are. He has a pick up and go cell phone so I can't find out an address for it. He only seem to call home when he is at work. So I am at a lost here. I don't know what days he work because it varies. The people that answer the phone if he doesn't would say he is not there even when he is. The only thing I can do is wait until he gets off from work when I know he is there and follow him in another car of course. I would like to know when I find out where he lives, do I confront him at the resident or not? What would exposing him do if the OW already knows he is married? Everyone on my side of the family and his already feels he is committing adultery.

Last edited by Catina; 01/02/06 01:49 AM.

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 444 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Oren Velasquez, Kerniol, yourhomify, jenicamartin1308, Michael Robinson
71,996 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
I didn’t have a chance
by Open Leaf - 05/20/25 07:15 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members71,997
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5