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after 12 hours the contractions stopped and the pain subsided. They never got regular, and I didn't want to go to the hospital until I couldn't handle the pain. I spent most of the evening and early a.m. hours in the bathtub. Around 5 a.m. I was able to fall asleep, but then my 2 year old woke up at 7--so it's been a long day.
I have cried on and off all day. I am supposed to have a c-section, but she said if I go into labor early, I can have it "the regualr way." I was so scared last night. My mom isn't due to fly in till thursday, and all my friends were busy with their families. I was scared of being alone during a time like that. Yes, if it was the real thing, I'd have called my friends regardless, but still, it's not the same as having someone to share in the excitement of the "what if."
I had asked my WH to take the boys that night, but he had plans he said. So here I was. sitting in the bathtub, wondering if I was really in labor, wishing he was there to rub my back as it was really hurting, and I was suddenly SO ANGRY with him. He was with her that night. He should be with his wife who is about to have his child. Feelings I have yet to feel welled up inside me, and I was so hurt and angry with him.
I know divorce is around the corner. The lawyer said I can't postpone it past Feb. 10th. The house officially goes on the market tomorrow. We were supposed to be moving in there this month, and I was finally going to be a stay-at-home mom full time.
I know none of what happens to us is fair. But sometimes I have to wonder how another human being can do this to another. I am so thankful I have God in my life or I would be a mess.
I don't even know if I want to call him when I do go into labor and am at the hosptial. He has already said he will only come to the hospital to meet the baby if I get everyone out of there. (He can't face anyone.) And that he won't come to the house to pick the other boys (4,2) or see the baby while family is here to help me. He says I have to drive to meet him somewhere.
Does this seem right? Shouldn't I not have to meet him? Just b/c he is a coward and can't face people. I only get two weeks off of work, and really want to rest the best I can.
Please pray for me. I am so scared, yet so excited about my little miracle coming anyday now. God plans all life, and I know this little guy has a special purpose--maybe part of it to help see me through this.
Last edited by intexas; 03/01/06 10:07 PM.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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I am so sorry you are having to deal with this alone.
I would not try to meet him anywhere with the boys. After the birth you will not be able to drive for a while. If he wants to see them, he can come to you. Too bad if he feels bad about seeing people. Anyone behaving as he is should be ashamed of seeing decent people.
I'm in Texas, too. Wish I could help you out. I would want to rough him up, which would not be a good thing.
I'm sure a lot of us will be praying for you. Keep us posted.
blessings
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Well, I'm probably not the one to give you advice. I think it is beyond DISGUSTING when a wife is pregnant, needs her husband, and he is out rutting like a pig. It turns my stomach.
I hope you will seek out a friend and let her know what is going on. You need to have some help through this.
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I agree with believer. Your WH is not a man. He is a pig. What a complete and total [censored]. While I'm pretty sure there must be a special circle in ****** for men who turn their backs on their children, the heat has got to be a little hotter for guys who do this during pregnancy.
This will haunt him forever.
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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Well put Grapegirl!
I wish I could blink you to the hospital where I work...I'd go there and stay as long as I could.
Your WH is a total idiot!
You will NOT be able to drive....nor should you stress your body. If you have a c section, you will not be able to drive for several weeks.
Make the WS come see HIS OWN CHILD. And if he is too scared to face the music...that is HIS PROBLEM. Tell your lawyer that he is not willing to help you during labor...your premature labor...and is not going to see the child because of his actions..his ADULTERY!
I hope the courts eat the [email]jack@ss[/email] alive! And his maggot of a mistress also!
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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I didn't even tell him I thought I was in labor. He probably would have said I was trying to guilt him. I texted him this a.m. and asked him to come today and get the boys, he replied--not taday, sometime this week.
Yeah, right. He is a coach and a teacher, and goes back to work tomorrow. Practice is till 6, and he lives 30-45 minutes away, and have games 2X a week.
He left when I was 17 weeks along. I NEVER thought he was capable of this. I cannot imagine the consequenses of this on his future. I don't take joy in knowing he is going to hurt one day as badly, no worse, than I do now.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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Also forgot to add.
Your little boy will be so special. He is a gift from God. And yes, he will have a special place...God already knows the little man's purpose.
We will be praying for you and all your dear children and for a safe delivery for you and the baby!
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Thanks. I think being preggo through has helped me stay strong. I haven't really had a chance to fall apart. I have my moments (many of them), but always have the health of this baby (Elliot will be his name) on my mind. He was conceived in a marriage. One I thougth was not capable of ending. He is special and I so want to meet him. I am a little scared--okay a lot scared--of having three boys 4 and under and no H to help, but God has gotten me this far. I know he'll see me and these innocent boys through the days ahead.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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Well, your husband is whacked out of his mind right now. The affair WILL end, but he is really going to have a hard time facing himself after all he has done to his family.
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I have a friend who has an Elliot. He is also her third son. He is adorable. I think that is a grand name, though I must admit when I first heard it all I could think of was the dragon from Pete's Dragon.
Since you are pretty much a single mom, have you applied for WIC, medicaid, etc? Three little ones will be a hadfull for you. Maybe thos things would help ease part of the financial burden for you.
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Do you have a contingency plan? You absolutely cannot plan to go to the hospital and have this baby alone. I know you said your mom is coming but what about before then? Who is going to take care of the kids while you're in labor? What about groceries, nursing, cleaning? I never had a C-section but I know that you will have to stay in the hospital for a few days and can't do much when you come home.
Can you get a doula or something to help out? WH owes you at least that much. Is everybody signed up for some kind of preschool. It's time to call in every favor you ever had outstanding.
I bet I'm not the only one on this board who wishes she could be there to help you out. Go to the hospital as soon as you need to. Don't endanger your baby, please.
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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Thanks for worrying about me.
I am actually in a good place--I live a block and a half from the hospital. I work evenings (5pm to 7am) at a charity that is in partnership for the local hospital. There is always someone else here. (like a guest of the house) I live on the premises. That's why I said I stay till the pain is unbearable. I'm not an epidural fan, and would rather labor at home.
I took the boys out of pre-k soon after this happened. With paying a mortgage on a house we hadn't moved into yet, and paying for my WH's place (a small fee, but still added) and all the extras that come from maintaining two households, it was too costly.
As for a contingency plan, I have a ton of friends who would come running to help me. THey have been great. It's no where near the same as family, but since I will restricted in the D to living in TX, I guess I need to realize that I will never have family nearby. My parents live inn Ohio, brother is in Illinios, and extended family is dispersed all over since Katrina.
Financially, it will be an adjustment. I'd like to change jobs, but this one is very stable--been here six years, provides housing, utilities, income, etc. I am looking into plans to get another degree, and hopefully leave in a few years. I am burned out here--like I said, this was supposed to be my last month and then I was to be a stay-at-home mom.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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Believer--do you thinks it's odd that I don't want him to hurt? I know God says there are consequences for our sin, and I know my WH will have to hit bottom one day. But I so wish he never made these choices! He is going to hurt so hard, and I will not be able to be there for him. I know at this point the hope of salvaging anything is gone. He has no respect for me. Not to do this when I am about to have his child. Not when I was really a good wife. Not when he has said some of the things--things that are beyond fog--things that are down-right cruel.
Yet, I still wish for him to not hurt. I wish for him to still be a great man one day. I think this is for my boy's sake. They deserve a father who is sensible and good. Not what he has become.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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My heart goes out to you. It's tough to be a working mom with little kids, especially with no H. Over the past 2 weeks of being home on break, I realize how much I miss being a SAHM. I miss being in my house during the day. I miss being able to do phonecalls during business hours.
At least you live where you work. Best of luck.
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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Posts: 3,912
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InTexas,
I'm new to your story, and I'm still shocked.
I'm tempted to say that somebody should teach your H to swim - in the middle of the night, with a concrete life preserver (a large one, strapped on real tight). But, that would be wrong. I shouldn't say something like that.
But Jesus did.
Really I find it inconcievable that any man could behave as your husband is behaving. He is not fit to be called a human being.
But, you will have that little one. You will have the prize. Your H is a fool. Please promise us you'll never take him back.
I'm sorry. I know that doesn't help you. Does the school know what your H is doing?
I'm still stunned.
You say he's a coach? I would put in a call to the sports collumnist at your local paper. A feature article about what a slimeball he is might end his career pretty quickly.
-AD (man, 47, divorced)
Last edited by _AD_; 01/01/06 11:07 PM.
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Of course you don't want him to hurt. You love him, and he is the father of your boys.
Don't think your situation is hopeless, because the spouse usually comes back to the family. They ARE very cruel and heartless. I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it.
My WH used to be the kindest man in the world. He was kind to EVERYONE - from the Queen down to the lowest drug addict. I haven't seen the "real" him in 3 years. However we have no kids together, and he has left for a woman 20 years younger. I'm divorcing him.
Your chances of recovering your marriage are excellent. So just hang in there through this. Get things set with your friends. Ask for their help. I'll be praying for you.
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Don't think your situation is hopeless, because the spouse usually comes back to the family. They ARE very cruel and heartless. I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it. Well, Believer. He is dead set on the big D. He filed same time as OW and says there is no hope because I will never be able to meet his needs. Says he is afraid if he came back, he'd be settling for me. He still won't admit he left for OW. He had an EA earlier (about 2 years ago) with a student, and that mixed with this mixed with the pattern I see now, well...hopeless is not really what I see it as. It's more about respect. I told him when I found out about the A that I forgave him and wanted to work on the M. He had no desire to do so. Said if I wasn't a guarantee, then why should he give her up--she was keeping him alive, etc. It's respect enough to know when enough is enough. I don't want another H one day. People say I might, but really, I want to be the best mom I can be. As Paul said, be content in whatever situation I find myself in. GOd hates divorce. I hate divorce, too. But I know He says it's okay. I don't want to be divorced at 27. THat sounds so dysfunctional--and I am and always have been a very "together" person. I dread people finding out about this. I was the one who had it all together. I don't know how you'd ever know what was genuine after what he has put me through. I want more for the boys. I hope it does not seem like I am giving up. It's not. Heck, I didn't file. Told him I never would. I still have on my rings. He took his off three weeks after leaving. I have not LB'd at all. I have been all about forgiveness and grace. SO that is how I can feel a peace--not peace in the true sense (I mean how is anything about this peaceful?)--but peace in a sense that I know God will still use me. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that. Sorry, I babbled on and on. THe boys are in bed and I am off tonight and am enjoying being able to be on the computer when it's quiet.
BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.
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Poor, poor WH! Just might have to settle for a good woman who is the mother of his children. What a horrible deal for him. Oh my gosh, he might have to puts some effort into his situation. Your work has given him a roof over his head. It's helped him to avoid his responsiblities as a man.
Being the best parent one can be and being stable and consistent is one of the best gifts a BS can give to their children. I too hate the idea of divorce, I hate the idea that after a lot of years of marriage, and I've been married longer than you've been alive, that it has fallen apart. I hate the idea that now my children come from a not whole family.
I doubt that your WH will ever find true happiness. He is a cripple leaning on am immoral relationship. What's going to happen when he's 35 and she's 45? Maybe they can have a cheat-a-thon. Does he have a need for a mommy who doesn't have any other children?
Enjoy the sleep can get now.
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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Posts: 948
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InTexas, The following was helpful to me... on a few levels - I hope it helps you too. Incidentally, I really respect the way you are handling this, you should be proud of yourself. Read what Frank Pittman says about 'romantic infidelity'
Quote:
ROMANTIC INFIDELITY
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate-someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own-is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born-any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.
Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and willing to give up every-thing. Men in love lose their heads-at least for a while.
BW 43 me
FWH 39
M 1992; DD 18. 13
OC 8-05 - no contact
In recovery 8 years
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Thanks Mrs. Stowaway
!
Great words of wisdom.
I'd much rather call these "stupid affairs" rather than romantic as I don't like calling them anything that makes them sound pleasurable...
Texas you're doing great. To her WH...DON'T MESS W/TEXAS!
He will soon find out he is losing all he could have ever wanted.
Incidentally, she is right about the births...happens alot. My xh had his affairs when my ds was very young. He couldn't handle the above combos of making too much money and being a dad all at the same time...believed he was ENTITLED TO MORE...
And in reading that paragraph...I think I have a teeny bit more of closure.
God bless you inTexas!
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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