He is just beautiful! Perfect and adorable. Congratulations.

just gorgeous! Hope mom is ok too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I love his name

and he is as cute as a baby can get!

Gosh, IT, your baby is BEAUTIFUL.... it's what got me to read all of your thread today....

...thank you for sharing your story....one of strength and courage.... and showing me once again, how naive I can be....because I am again surprised at the level of selfishness a WS can stoop to....

Please take care of you and your little ones.....your WS is totally out of it...

I will have to 'digest' your WH's choices....and will avoid 'polluting' your thread with my thoughts..... but between you and me.....they would be along the line of LM's.....

I am glad you have found the Board....as you have been getting some very helpful advice....

...I am in 'muddy waters' myself as are many others here... but you can count on our support....always!

....it's just that right now, I am one 'mad' supporter.... and I can't be of any help to you.... but will say this....please don't take any more crap from your WS.... he either cleans up his act...or leave him to stew! ...because you already have your hands full....

Help me out here veterans of MB...Lemonman?

I'm having a memory lapse....The couple who was on Dr. Phil Show several months, probably over a year ago. He was a doctor "Ed", who was having an affair with a nurse in his business. The OW was pregnant with his child, a girl. Ed and his wife had 2 or 3 sons. Wife was stay at home mom. Sacrificed, following and supporting him in his career. May have even been from Texas! Ed was very selfish, back and forth between OW and home. Attempted reconciliation, but then he'd move out again. Didn't want any "scheduled" time to visit sons...wanted to come and go as he pleased. He was out race car driving (?)while his wife was with her father who was dying. I can't believe I can't remember her real or screen name! It has changed to something more positive recently.

I think that it could be helpful for intexas to read some of their postings. Even though her WH's OW isn't pregnant (yet!)I think it could be helpful to look at some of the dynamics between Ed and his wife. Maybe I'm totally off target, but something about the way intexas's WS treats her feels similar to me. (self-entitlement?)

Funny you should ask this. I came in a few days ago asking the exact same question. Funny, but once you get a bit attached to a story (and having seen it on tv, it becomes more real than just reading it), you want to see the outcome.

Kandi now posts as MovingForward4Me. Do a search under that name, and you'll get updated. They are now divorced. And Ed is still acting like the selfish person we saw on tv.

It becomes clear that there is NO correlation between Brain Smarts (he's a Dr. for goodness sake) and Heart Smarts (he just doesn't have a clue). One does not depend on the other obviously.

Well, it's official--Wh really isn't about reconcialiation--my heart was right and my instinct even more right to say no--today he called and again was saying the D needed to be rushed--and he said--this is what you want, right?
I said--I never wanted this, WH. But do you even realize how much you've hurt me through this?
And he said--But intexas, it doesn't compare to how much you've hurt me.


Yes, he said that. And the hard part of that to swallow is the fact that I was GOOD to that man. I truly was--have no regrets in my role as his wife.

I have never LB'd to him since he left, etc..and he still can say the hurt I feel basically doesn't matter.

ANd all this after the worst possible day I had at work (and he knew about it). My boss (if you remember I work for a non-profit, and I live and work at my job--aka no rent, utilities, a meager salary, but the luxury of no major childcare costs.) has decided that a single mom of three kids might not be what this place needs.

She was horribly unproffesional, unethical, and I asssume illegal in her talkings to me on Saturday. She even told me that I wasn't a strog person because I waited so long to tell her my WH left--I told her--but I thought he'd come home.

It was very overwhelming. I need a new career, a new place to stay (our new home is still for sale--but will not be able to afford the mortgage on my own), and childcare. That's the hardest part, folks. That new baby of mine spending time away from me. It hurts my heart already.

I am not fired yet, so please pray that I can maybe "ride it out" a little longer. She told me she has hew eye on me now.

If I can wait till August, I can start teaching. My DS#1 will be in kindergarten this year, so that will save on childcare.

Thanks for keeping up with me.

intexas

Your boss was totally unprofessional, unethical, and possibly illegal in her confrontation. To bring up your personal life and judge it is none of her business! She no doubt will be watching you carefully now so she can document every little fault to build a case for your dismissal.

If it looks like she's not going to hold off on possible dismisal, you might approach her about your plan to leave and teach school in August. You don't have to agree with her that you aren't doing your job properly. You can acknowledge that the two of you don't seem to see things the same way and it probably would be best for you to move on. She might be relieved by your plan.

The one advantage to getting fired, as compared to quitting, is that you could draw unemployment. This might tide you over until August. Of course, it does leave a mark on your work record. But if you have a good work history other than this situation, it might not matter that much.

Obviously you didn't need this additional burden! You're in my prayers that you will be blessed with the perfect job and abundance.

That is truly truly unbelievable. Is your boss the "highest" in the chain? I'd appeal to the next highest level if you must. I absolutely cannot understand how a "single mom" would have any bearing on ANYTHING!!!!!

Please find out what your rights are. When you consider that your job also provides housing/utilities etc., they possibly have more stringent guidelines when it comes to letting you go...they just can't put you out on the street in two weeks. There must be some sort of notice.

But, as you stated, you're not fired yet. Use this time to explore the options.

Bad enough you have to deal with all of the ****** from your husband, but now the boss from ******. Damned unfair.

I'm so sorry.

Well, I heard more today--apparently on her desk (my boss) was a paper to the personel committee about me and something about restructuring my position and altering my pay. A coworker got a mishappen glimpse at it on her desk and filled me in (on a side note, this is the coworker I walked in on with the housekeeper a few months back...another post in and of itself).

The only person higher than my boss is the board of directors. I have written a letter today addressing any concerns they could possibly have regarding me no longer having my husband here. I understand the need for concern, but I have all the bases covered. I am going to send it to the board I think. I am just getting more and more overwhelmed here people.

As for my WH--well, today was interesting so to say, and especially after reading another thread on here about what unconditional love is and more importnalty isn't, I feel a little more grounded. A silent 2X4 sent my way, so to say.


He called today and still couldn't get over the fact of thinking he is the victim in all of this. I wish I could write out our conversation today. A lot was about happiness, and how he'd never be happy. I told him no one would make him happy--that happiness comes from within, and completeness comes from God.
It was hard to hear some of what he said, because it goes to show how much he truly is self-seeking, so to say.

Just rambling again here. Thanks to all who keep up with me.

Look, she just can't do this to you.

But you need to take some professional advice. You need to get your documentation, all emails and memos, etc., together to prove your case. Start assembling a list of allies, witnesses, etc.

Find out what your legal rights are.

I read this yesterday, but thought someone who knows more about this sort of thing than I do would chime in. At least I can give you a bump.

bump!

I would just advise you to document what happens. A calendar is fine to use. For instance put down Feb. 5 - Boss has concerns that a single mom of three kids is not what the job needs.

Each time you have conversation with her, document what was said. She may not understand the law. While she can legitimately have a problems with how you do your work, she can't have a problem with you being a mom with 3 kids whose husband has left.

Well, I haven't heard anything from the boss as of yet. I know she met with the personnel committee--maybe they told her it would be illegal to fire me based on my personal sitch and not my performance record.

Either way, I have been putting my best (and sometimes siclky fake kissing up) face forward. (And yes, it is SO hard for me to brown nose, as it's just not me). But right now I have to to keep this job. AN dI have been keeping records and carrying a tape recorder with me (MB made me think to do this,)

WH--will i ever understand him, or more importantly, my need/desire to want to fix him? To make everything right for him, even though I am the one he hurt?

What I mean is--he is the one who left, cheated, let me go through a pregancy alone, has been cruel, etc.
Yet somehow I don't hate him. I don't wish bad for him. I want to make it right for him. I want to fix it. I want him to know that it's the hardest thing to tell him he can't come back--because he still blames me. Everything is still revolving around him. I want to tell him I hate that I can't take him back like that.

That I don't want him to hurt me anymore. That I want to know what it is like to be loved and respected. I don't know what that's like. I have only been with him. This is my first broken heart.

THere is a part of me that wants to just tell him to come back, but then there is something that is telling me no. Not yet. And maybe not ever.

Why is standing up for yourself so hard?

ANd what about my boys?

He has been calling a lot--and again I am getting crumbs of niceness--but then I can tell they are coated with his best interest in mind. Darn it! Why can't I at least get mad at him?

He left me a voicemail, and part of it was about OW--they are having problems, and he tells me about it in the message Is there not something very twisted about that--or is it more odd that I didn;t even get angry about that--instead, I felt sorry for him.

As usual, I am just rambling on here. It helps me so much to log on to MB and just read and post. Does anyone else just feel so connected to this place? It's like most of my friends (except one) just don't understand. My family hates him. My friends don't know what to say. My church group is having a Valentines party and they are playing the Newlywed game for fun--well...how do I fit in that day? I'm not gonna go obviously.

DOn't know people. Just having one of those nights.

Document

Document

Document

They can come up with a lot of reasons to let someone go.....but document, maybe log what happens each day at work...in a log kept NOT at office on or their computer. Calendar, spiral notebook...just NOT there in office

Cinderella, you took the words write out of my mouth.

Intexas, I know you're heartbroken (and I certainly understand), but please don't be naive to your work situation. If they did tell your boss that, she's likely to go around the block harrassing you to get you out.

Get allies. Get witnesses. And document everything.

And don't just document the stuff she says to you that is suspicious. Document things you've done that are right...deadlines you've met...compliments others have given you over the work....things you've done beyond the call of duty. Write a damned book on it all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And then "document backwards" as well. Have a section on things (similar to above) that you noticed in the past (cut/paste your posts here for example that relate to your job). And, any accolades you've received in the past...esp. those that are in the RECENT past.

Keep it up, you're on the right track. With the tape recorder...are you taping things without her knowledge? (wondering about the legality here). If so, find out if it is illegal. Maybe just use those tapes to help you when you get home to write out your journal. Don't use verbatim, lest it looks too obvious that it was taped.

Keep posting.

I read this (off topic from the job dilemna) on Alisson's thread--Trix was quoting 2Oaks to her:


Ummm... this is my Wh and it scares me because he insists that he always will have o/s friends. Even insists on keeping one friend that he had in HS that while we were dating and not talking for 10 days (loooong story--should have been the biggest red flag of my life) he hung out with her the whole ten days and then starting e-mailing her when we came back to college for the semester and telling her he had feelings for her. I found out and he said it stopped. We were engaged four months later, and at our wedding shower 8 months later, she showed up. He walked her outside and told her he couldn't be friends with her anymore b/c of me. Promised me he'd never contact her again.

Well, two years ago his friend from HS got married, and we were invited. he conveniently took the wrong car with the carseat, so I had to stay at the house with the baby and not go to the wedding. SHe was there-they reunited so to say, and he started secretly e-mailing her again. He told me apologized to her about hurting her that day--that it was eating at him for telling her he couldn't contact her again. He even told me when I found out that he had to apologize to her b/c it was hindering his relationship with God.

I found out when I confronted him about the EA he was having with a student. He told me about their e-mails then.

ANyway, that's the friend he wants to keep still--in spite of the EA he had with her probably, the EA he had with the student, the numerous o's friendships that he would spend hours doing recreational activities with while was at home working and staying with the kids, and now the P/A he is having with coworker.

Is this serial cheating?

He is screaming let me home--but his actions are not saying it at all, and he is still pushing the D. It was supposed to be final today, but somehow his expensive lawyer isn't on top of things (yeah for me since I would like to wait until our home sells.)

Do you think he is saying he wants to come home so I will always look like the bad guy b/c I said no? To alleviate his own guilt?

Back to job topic--thanls everyone. I have been documenting for months my daily duties/etc, as she has been on my case for about five months. As for the tape recorder, I am only using it to remember what she says to me. Still haven't heard from her anymore this week. I gave her my tickets to see George Bush Sr. since I can't go b/c of the new baby. (that was a kissing up tactic-yuck!)

Kissing up was a good idea. She (the boss) brought me back a gift card to Sonic as a thank you for the tickets. Maybe it was a peace offering so to say. I am still documenting, praying, and looking for a teaching position. (THey are hard to find in what I teach this time of year.)

I would still love some feedback about my WH on my above post. I have to scrapbook an album tonight for a shower I am a hostess for tomorrow, so I will be up late--and I scrap at the computer desk. This is actually the first thing I have scrapped since before he left. (He blamed his EA with the student on my scrapping, so I all but gave it up as a way to improve my marriage--now, since MB and a few good books, I know that was a cop-oout for him--but hey, I've learned). And it's nice to be back in the scrapping mode--even if it is a gift. I can not bear to scrap memories as of yet--but I am still taking the pics.

Well, how was his childhood? Or, I asked you already, and it was good, right?