[color:"blue"]Personally I think that 2-3 dates is long enough. By the second or third date any red flags that you see should disqualify some and incompatibilities should disqualify others.

Longer thatn 2-3 dates and you might feel like you didn't want to hurt the guy because you would start to rationalize any incompatibilities with an otherwise nice enough guy.

V. [/color]

First I should explain that I am using "It's just Lunch", so I am set up with blind lunch/drink dates. Usually I spend 1-2 hours with them and either chose to exchange numbers or leave it at that. So a few men I have met have made my heart go from first sight then talking to them has made me decide if they are just cuties or possibly more. Now some men don't make my heart go and I don't find them that attractive, but over drinks they make me laugh and I enjoy their company which makes me want to share my number. So far my experiences haven't been great. I have met two that I really liked and one that really grew on me. Overall the men seem interested in me, but I'm just not in them. Sometimes I see red flags. Other times I just don't feel a connection.

OG,
Thanks for asking those questions because they really made me think. I really feel I'm ready for a relationship. The few men that I really liked I couldn't wait to see them again or hear from them. Each time I am set up with a new date, I am really excited and hope for the best. Most of the time I am disappointed. Sometimes I find a guy that seems to have qualities I'm looking for (2 hours is hard to tell sometimes) and I give them a 2nd date. However the spark wasn't there, but I recognize that they seem nice. By spark I mean they didn't make me laugh or really enjoy being with them. So during the 2nd date, I find that this spark doesn't appear.I usually feel like I am missing something. By the end of the night, I want to go home and I worry the whole way home about the goodnight kiss and talk about seeing each other again. Arn't those red flags for me?

Anyway the few that I did like (either instant chemistry or they grew on me), I couldn't wait to see again. I had great 2nd dates and was hoping for simple touches, goodnight kisses, and future calls.

Here is the problem. I have only met 3 men that I felt this way about.
Guy 1- We dated 2 months and I started seeing inconsiderate things. When I brought some up, he bailed. I was left feeling hurt, but it was for the best
Guy 2 - Had a great 2nd date. We got along great. Kissed me goodnight and then I get an email a few days later saying he wasn't ready for a relationship and never heard from him again. However, he does compare all the other women he is set up with to me. They never compare. But go figure he didn't want to keep seeing me.
Guy 3 - He asked for my number. I mentioned I was really busy the weekend he wanted to get together, but I was available the next. He mentioned maybe we could do something simple inbetween. Sounded good, but he never called.

So maybe I am feeling a bit desperate. So the last guy I met, I didn't feel the chemistry, but I decided to give another chance to. We went out the 2nd time and he tried to make the date perfect and overall it was, but I kept feeling like I wanted to be with someone else. I think these men "get on my nerves" because they basically want something that I am not feeling. Maybe I'm a little upset that I can't get the feeling and blame them.

I have really been struggling with this chemistry thing because it seems important to me. However I feel like I might be missing out on great men because of it, but forcing the issue isn't working for me either. So I was really interested in what people here had to say.

The impression I'm getting is that the only reason 2-3 dates should be considered "long enough" is the utter asininity of the dating culture. No one wants to spend the time to develop friendships first; either they plunge right in or they're afraid the other person expects to plunge right in. All or nothing. Romance or bust.

A feel a diatribe coming on. Must...control...self.

Honestly, my beef isn't with "writing off" someone who is clearly not a good match. It's with "writing off" someone you believe you might value as a friend, but whom you reject because there's no "chemistry." In other words, maybe there is a "spark" in the sense that they make you "laugh or really enjoy being with them" but you sense no romantic potential, so you cut off all potential for fear that they may be considering the relationship a romantic investment.

Please note that this is not addressed to any poster in particular. Rather, it's a conglomeration of reactions.