I discovered my husband's affair a week ago. I was doing his laundry after a business trip and her panties fell out!! He denied and blame, suggesting that maybe I put them there as a practical joke!! Finally he confessed.<P>The OW is a very key person in his business. I demanded that he end all relations with her, including business. He cogitated over the "unfairness" of asking her to resign. So I sent her an e-mail saying that since she is young, single, childless, and professional, she should for once take the high road and resign immediately. My husband and I have two young children and he has betrayed us all. My children need him. I asked her to give my children back their father, telling her that the pain and damage she has already caused are indescribable.<P>Given that her role in my husband's business is so critical, should I be more lenient in my demands? I can't stand that they are still together every day!! <P>She has not responded or resigned. What should I do?

NO do not be lenient...read my profile (click on the sunglasses)...<BR>you have to get her out, she has to leave or H has to leave that job....its too tempting..,<BR>don't wait!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P>

Oh no the dreaded double post. Sorry!<p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited September 29, 1999).]

I think you are absolutely correct. I couldn't get my husband to leave even his shift though and OW hasn't left either. So...you may just have to deal with it all. I didn't want husband to leave GM factory for seniority reason and stability. He wouldn't do anything. Conclusion is I live with it even though I don't like it and it makes me more insecure.<P>The good news is we, are doing much better. PTL. God has helped much. We aren't out of the woods yet but, the good days or mediocre days are out weighing the bad by far.<P>Good luck in all and we'll be praying for you. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I believe he should be VERY definate about ending the contact with her in any form he may. I read here once that the wife and the Husband met with OW at a lunch and set down the rules, the h and w sat on one side of the table holding hands and letting OW know of their joint decision in this. If it isn't going to work asking her to leave then both of you need to set down some ground rules about what kind of communication between the two of them is acceptable and make it very clear to all 3 of you. I will pray! God bless you!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

It's VERY important that husband sever any ties with the OW. All contacts should stop<BR>even if it means one of them to transfer out of one manufacturing dept. to another or, in other cases if it means for one of them to resign from the company. In my case, I told my husband that I am willing to work things out providing she is out of there. Either she goes or I go. Gave him one month......I am standing by......he promised to do what I <BR>am asking.......in this case the ball is my court.....I also requested that she never come into the place again (I will be asking his other employee to keep her eyes and ears open).....no compromises for me here. As for what goes on on his day off....I told him a PI will be assuring me that he stays clean...if I get a negative report

Nothing is more improtant than your marriage!!! I don't care how hard it is the two must NOT work together. For it to be over they can NEVER see one another. THe temptation is too GREAT. I thought there was no way my H could quit his job we had to have the insurance to cover our son's illness (he had kidney failure andwe were look at a kidney transplant) Now I know we could have worked something out. Because my H did quit work and was seeing the OW everyday, he coulsn't let go and now he is with her. Ask youself which is more important his business or your marriage? Insist, and see a counselor that will back you up on this. He has to make the choice also you can insist but he has to know that you are there for him and that you want your marriage to work. He is concerned about the unfairness to her ask him about the unfairness to you and your children. And is he really being unfair to the OW, if he want to end the affair andoes she won't want to stay around ( at least I wouldn't). Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Oday,<P>This must be a real trying time for you...it must also be a time for you to assess what your options are... If you dont put pressure on both of them to finish this you suffer the most....if you do put pressure on them both you could end up alone anyway...<BR>If you accept the status quo and do nothing...your own self esteem can suffer greatly along with a few other things that take away from you...which could be worse than being alone...<P>If the decision was mine I would give him an ultimatum...and it would be....either she leaves...you leave.... or I leave.....but one of us is leaving ..!!!and the choice is yours dear H.... ( she wont respond to you as long as H is holding the aces) so I would put the pressure on him...<P>The fear of intimacy in betrayers is very obvious sometimes...and your H is a classic example of it...<BR>This goes back a long time to when he made a subconscious decision that women are not to be trusted..they can hurt you if you love them too much ...or if you get too close to them they can leave/abandon and cause you terrible pain....<BR>When he loves you the most or feels closest to you his long buried pain memory comes up and he has to put distance between you to feel safe...and (in your case) he has done this by having an affair and making sure you find out about it by subtly leaving evidence around for you to find so that you will separate yourself from him thus making it safe for him to be with you again... <P>Unless he feels the fear and pain of losing you completely he will continue with his charade..this is why I suggested the ultimatum...<P>Counselling and therapy can help tremendously in unearthing these hidden agendas we keep...when they are dealt with and understood they rarely return to bother us again...<P>Keep strong dear lady you are never given anything you cannot handle in this life..and we are here to send you energy love and our thoughts and whatever we can help with... and this is a great place to release and express....you are never alone...<P>cossie<P><P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>