None of my colleagues and about 98% of my relatives do not know that WH and I have been separated for almost three years and will be divorced by March 06.

I don't feel I need to tell anyone... but it's very ackward and will soon be unreal if I continue to pretend I am still married when I am already divorced.

I have a colleague whom car pools with me every now and then and she does ask if I'm having dinner with my H, if my H has finished work, if he is at home waiting for me etc. She's very nice and I just don't know how to tell her. Plus, I don't want her to ask further questions.

As for relatives, well my mom has done the favour... though not in the most sensitive way. I am not sure if I'd like her to tell our relatives or to tell them myself. My mother tends to blame all my 'bad moods' on the divorce, when really it is not. Plus, she exaggerates a lot. And I hate to be linked to my bad marriage when in reality, I have quite moved on.

How can I tell?

Next time the colleague asks, tell her the truth. Put it to her nicely. Don't just drop too big a bomb. Something like, "I appreciate you asking and I hope I won't embarass you too much but wh and I are separated. He hasn't lived at home in quite some time. I just have been hoping things would turn out differently but it seems we won't be married much longer."

You don't need to give too many details.

I chose to be really upfront about what happened to my marriage. I didn't mince too many words. But I was a raw, bloody, pulpy emotional mess for a really long time.

When I became healthier, I would just sort of sigh or laugh and tell whoever asked that we had a management restructuring and fired each other.

I don't tell anyone unless they ask, and as an example, this fall, a high school friend, who knows that i am divroced, whose son has my X as a teacher, called her my W to me, and then made a big deal about that she is not. . .

I said, "L, don't worry about it, I don't make a big deal about it one way or the other, and if anyone says W, i don't say anything, unless they need to know."

now, at work, where i can crack some people up, they can overhear my conversations from my cubicle, and after a rather testy argument where X was an idiot, after i hung up, and i was in a bad mood already after having to deal with idiotic people at my company, i said, "And there's another idiot, the XWIFE!", and the two rows of colleagues cracked up laughing!

so, as far as your mom goes, tell her that you will tell people as you see fit, otherwise, tell her to MIND HER OWN BUSINESS.

the less of a deal you make of it, the better you will be perceived, the strong silent type is always better. . .

wiftty

I think you'll find out that many people may already know - by your actions, or overhearing conversations. In my workplace, nothing is private, and there are so many divorce conversations that need to happen that people do overhear.
Some are probably just waiting for you to say something.
I used to say "I'm sorry" when someone was getting divorced. Now, I'm thinking "congratulations."

Thank you for your answers. Cinderella, I like yours most... put it nicely, tactfully and no details. And of course, management restructuring! very cool and snappy... I have to think about it and 'memorize' some answers.

I have to admit, I feel ashamed to be divorced.
And I hate that people talk... so none of my colleagues have a clue, though they know my stbxh is always not around.

I feel lousy. Why do I have to go through this? bwa waa waa... even the crying icon doesn't work.

Can I be a widow instead?

Well, you could be a widow. Except that entails some elaborate story telling. Cause you have to get rid of your STBX's body so there can't be a funeral. He could get lost in a plane crash in the Amazon.

Personally, I used to pray for widowhood. Luckily, God totally ignored my prayers and my children still have a father. LOL.

One thing you can do is stop wearing your rings. Usually, unless people are really close to you, they'll refrain from asking why you aren't wearing your rings. Then, when you tell them you're divorced, they won't be shocked.

And don't be afraid to tell people you'd rather not talk about it.

Hugs.

Sigh Greengables.

I needed that hug.
I stopped wearing my ring a long time ago. I was quite underweight before I got married and put on a few pounds after. The ring didn't fit a long time ago, I stopped wearing it but always had other rings on my ring finger.

And yes, I do not wish to tell anyone anything more than the fact that I am divorced. Those people whom I want to tell, I've already told... they were my friends and gave great support.

I also have the MB board to voice my issues.

We have a large gathering coming up end January, at mom's house.
I am just curling up and hope nobody asks me. I actually believe there are some people dense enough not to notice stbxh is not around. I made up some tummy ache excuse for him two years ago. I don't wish to do that anymore.

then practice your answer now. . work on a humorful line. . . your feelings to suppress are natural, but the geelings of support are even better. . . so don't shy away from life, embrace it, the best way is to use a humorful response. . . unless you were born without a funny bone. . .

wiftty