When W filed for D I visited lot’s of websites, this one included. Spent most of my time on others but after reading 35 books, Novena, Mission, going to four counselors (anger, marriage with W until last Dec, marriage on my own x2) and reaching the point of temporary settlement after 18 months I was grief stricken here in Asia over the holidays and wanted to solicit some new opinions.
Here’s my sitch:
Me 57
W 57
Children 34,32,16
Married: 35 years.
My wife had spinal cord surgery in May. After 33 years of marriage three children (the oldest 2 in solid loving marriages) the youngest 14 she told me in the hospital "Honey, I don't know what I'd do without you" then filed for divorce two months later.
That was 18 months ago. The D just drags out as lawyers line their packet. I remain calm as my retirement drains away trying to be as kind as possible.
Went to marriage counseling from Sep to Dec 2004. W quit. Says she “won’t fold” she “won’t respect herself” if she changes her mind.
Counselors tell me “It is her trauma. You can't make her trauma go away.” And “Maybe she feels that you are still trying to control her rather than wish her joy in whatever she chooses. Maybe it will take some years for her to recover from the trauma she suffered”
Following the advice of GAL I packed up and took an assignment in Asia.
I’m not looking to learn how to save the M, I figure it’s over. What I’d like to learn is how to stop the financial hemorrhaging? I’ve asked her in July and pleaded with my lawyer but as recently as November I flew to the US for a court date because she wouldn’t settle. She and her lawyer wouldn’t meet and received a settlement $35, 000 less per year than they were fighting for. Now, anybody that’s bought anything knows there’s a range of reasonableness beyond which there is no negotiation. Why would anyone go to court with a demand so extreme unless they planned to burn lawyer’s fees?
