I posted this on the recovery board as well but I wanted to get the opinions of some of you "general" folks too. Without going into too much detail (it would take me a week to type it all and I'm admittedly not up to it), I'll just say that H and I are having some very painful yet *hopefully* positive breakthroughs in our conversations. He's opening up to things he's been trying to deal with, but I just can't help him with a lot of them. In MY opinion, he needs to talk with other men who have BTDT and who have recovered so he can see the perspective from the other side of this battle.

HOWEVER......

I am rather reluctant to refer him here, because FOW is registered, has posted here (albeit not very often to my knowledge) and while I don't really care to "track her down" to see if she's active anymore, I don't really like the idea that she will have such ready access to his thoughts and struggles. Here's a question--when it comes to contact, what is best with regard to message boards such as this? Is it a bad idea to have H registered and posting on the same board as FOW?

I really don't know how to handle this, but I do truly want to just tell the man to get on here and ask some of you the questions that he's been struggling with. Too risky?

Ask if he is willing t/d phone counseling with Steve. Did FOW post here as well? It may not be wise to post, but maybe some of the guys here can e-mail him off the boards. Also, see if he will read Dr. Harley's books. So right off the bat, you have 3 options.

L.

I think Orchid's suggestions are on target. It probably is not a good idea for him to post if there is a chance she is here as well. I think the other options are even better. IMHO, it appears that WS don't usually like to spend too much time on here anyway, it is too painful for them to see the pain they have caused us.

Good luck.

Phone counseling is a bit on the difficult side--we aren't in the States and finances aren't exactly, well...they've been better. We've got good ministerial counseling, but he's having a hard time getting through HIS issues. I'm sure most of what he's struggling with has already been covered MANY times, I guess just knowing which way to look for the encouragement he needs is what's hard.

He did just agree that he does really NEED to read Dr. Harley's books. Finally. Eight and a half months later...

Okay, you have to weigh the benefits with the downside. There is a lot of free support here. Maybe he could camoflauge his identity more than usual. Do what feels right for you.

Contact Steve anyways and see what c/b setup. C/b instand messaging posting. Steve usually calls not visa versa.
Either way, let Steve give you options.

JMHO,
L.

CKW,
Phone cards are pretty cheap to call Germany from the states. I know if you call directly it is expensive, but I called Christmas day for 20 minutes and it was not bad at all.

that might be an idea.

See if he will post on saveyourmarriagecentral. They also do an excellent job. That way the OW won't be able to read about him. I'll delete this in a minute.