I again told WH I will not file the papers for D. I told him he must do this since he's the one that cheated.

Finally, I know why he won't..I he files I can contest, drag out and as he says' he'll have to pay support and he doesn't want to give me any $$$

If I file - in 90 days it's over, per him. I see that as, We will be D and he can freely date whoever he wants. No the settlement won't be done but he'll have freedom and he'll drag out the settlement for as long as he can..

Nice guy huh???

He's a piece of work, isn't he? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The bottom line is this...

Can you accept any of the financial repercussions from you filing for D? If so, you KNOW what you have to do...

I would highly recommend DEFINITIVE ACTIONS in concert with your Attorney.

The time for stalling is over...

Take Care,

WNB

Grrrr... I get really angry when I read about your WS.

I wish I could say ithurts, go taunt the OP till she screams for WS to divorce so she can have her 'rightful' place with an unmarried man.

But I know, the pain and craziness just isn't worth it.

Funny, I wouldn't know which OP to begin "taunting"...I "think" his PA w/the OP at our business is over - but, maybe they still have an occasional "booty call" and the EA they are having will probably never end..She's married too and her BS calls me with scoop it's amazing. Never in a million years would I have thought my life would be filled with such bull and childish behaviour. Her BS said he will be filing for a D - which I made sure WH knew I was told this and another 21 year M down the crapper due to my WH "games"..Yet, he won't D me...He wrecked God knows how many M by now (including my prior - he was single then) and never looks at the destruction he causes. Funny, how it's never his fault..

A therapist would have a field day getting to his issues....

I guess he's just the kind of guy that will never be happy.

He told me he wants to find someone that wants to spend time w/him - that has to go back to his mother not mothering him enough..so he'll find this "someone" and then she'll want some independence and off he'll go to find someone else, all the while making her think she's the only one for him..The deceipt is the worst part..

This has been going on for some time, so I have to ask this...what are you going to [color:"red"] DO [/color] to remedy the unlivable situation in which you currently reside?

FWIW...you need to take REAL ACTION to remove this cancer from your life...nothing will improve until then.

Gotta get you off the fence! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WNB

I'm curious too, what are YOU doing?

How many people, family friends, so forth (both the OP and your's) know about the affairs?

Have you gone public with any of it? Maybe take out an ad in the local news paper??

Are you still living together?

Do you go to church? If so, contact your pastor and ask them to talk to your WH. Does the OP go to church that you know of? If so, Contact her pastor and let them know whats going on (if they ask why your calling them refer them to Matthew 18; as not all churches actually use church discipline these days)

Get as much support from those areas as you can if possible.

WNBS- Yes, it's been going on for too long..I've been on the fence too long and yet I can't gather the strength to get off. I can't stop loving him, yet loving him hurts deeply. So what's my problem?? I like being in pain?? I like being demoralized, used??? He screams that he hates me, yet, I've told him I don't hate you, Yes, I hate what your doing, the things you say, etc. but hate you - NO.. You hate yourself not me..


I have found a new psychologist that I trust and believe can help me move forward. To let go of the same rope that is strangling me. It was a lifeline at one time, but no longer. He has me reading a great book on personal boundaries and I've used what I've learned a little.
The next book he suggested is on forgiving yourself. He feels I need to forgive myself "the little girl in me" for my angry outbursts at WH. I went nuts on NY Eve - then I hated myself for it. I hate who I've become - I felt total guilt for screaming at him,demoraling/degrading him, sure it felt good to get it out at the time but then I felt horrible. I wanted him to feel the same pain that I feel..My theraphist feels that once I forgive that "little girl" I'll stop doing it. I don't know if I believe thats how the mind works but I'm game to give it a try.

I will be contacting the business attorney to find out exactly what WH can/may do should I leave our home/if I file for D.
Last week he threatened to fire me - I don't know if he can - wouldn't that be great - I've never been fired from a job and it would be my own husband that does it..Even if he didn't fire me he could be vindictive enough to take my company car, company credit cards, cut my rate of pay, etc. Then I'd really be screwed. The only reason that would stop him would be that he'd have to financially support me w/his paycheck then.

Thorned:
Many people know of my WH affairs - both personal and business associates are aware of our marital discord. Some have tried to talk to him - yet, he won't stop. Since he changes A partners I can't even keep up w/who, what and where anymore. And really this dog is tired of chasing that bone..Does it really matter who anymore?? Not to me.


Yes - He won't move out and I haven't been able to gather the personal strength to leave. I guess when I was a WS (prior M) I left our home - it was the right thing to do. I expect this from WH - yet, he won't go. I expect my WH to have the same morals/standards that I want to live by and that's not possible with him.

We do not go to church - so we can't fall back on help there.

I really think once I get more financial knowledge and some help from my new psychologist - I'll be better prepared to get off that fence.

In the meantime, I'm still very unhappy w/my life and the screaming miserable B**** that I've become.

Hugs

[color:"blue"]IH,

I think that the reason it still hurts so much and you can't get off the fence is because you still have so much contact with him. It would be healing for you to contact the business lawyer and file for the divorce.

I found that in my state the judge will withhold the divorce papers until property and custody is settled. For most couples this is an incentive to settle. I would believe from what I've read of your posts that your WH will not settle property easily and you are going to have to have your business lawyer write an assessment of the property and business worth to give to your divorce lawyer, who should file for a court hearing for property settlement.

If WH wants to complain about "dragging it out" let him. Why do you care? I would bet he is deliberately provoking you in an effort to get you to leave so that he can have the business and house.

File for property settlement. Get out of the situation and don't leave the house or the business until you have your cash from both.

Hugs - hang in there! When I settled with my ex I knew exactly what I could get from court. I would tell him that sure he could "drag it out" and pay for lawyer's fees if he wanted to do so. Also that he knew the fair value of the property and I was willing to split it - if he wanted me to, I would let the judge do the same thing and the judge would tack on 7% closing costs that I would get on top of the 50%. His choice. Guess what he chose?

V.[/color]