You are in a battle now - for your marriage and your daughter's future. If you cannot stop the LB's, don't talk to him tonight.

I'm sure you will hear from him again. Why don't you go vacuum for awhile, and relax?

Is he telling you not to contact anyone? I don't understand the context.

He said that he doesn't need to contact anyone because I just told him to contact my lawyer if he wanted to discuss anything other than our dd.

I just spoke to the PI people and they said that it not possible unless someone know how to hack into my computer and do it...

Alison,

I'm one of the biggest computer-dorks on this board. Been working in the field since I was wee-high. I work in Chicago in the Sears Tower and I can I tell you that unless they do a back-trace of event logs from the ISP servers directly then he is bluffing. Very few people have the tools to locate someone on the internet... and fewer know how to use them.

I'd love to hear his side of how "they" got your IP address from tapping into an account on a Verizon server which is not associated with your ISP's servers.

He is bluffing.

Ditto, he's bluffing. I don't think you should talk to him tonight until you have a chance to calm down & think things thru. In my experience you couldn't get a big company like Verizon to give you that kind of information if you subpeonaed it in court and gave them 6 months to gather it; he IS pretty creative though, I have to give him that!

You know, are you starting to see how the WS just spews out a bunch of manipulative crap like throwing darts, to see what sticks? First it was that he wouldn't talk to you except thru lawyers. Moments later he wants to come over. If I had a dollar for every dart that was thrown in my direction just to see what would get the desired reaction...

Stay calm, YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND HERE NOW. Relax.

He's trying to get you to worry that HE has the same kind of "dirt" on you, that YOU have on HIM.

A PI got this for you, you didn't do anything illegal or wrong. If anything was illegal or questionable, it was the PI, not you. PLUS, and I learned this from experience dealing with identity theft type of issues, it's not a CRIME unless you DO something with the information, such as use her phone to call 3rd world countries and charge her bill up into the $thousand$. Even then, good luck getting someone to care. People's identities get used/misused/stolen/hijacked every day - the police and companies only prosecute or care about the MOST SERIOUS OFFENSES, IME. Don't let him scare you.

I do realize that he is grasping at straws right now. I know right now, I cannot do Plan A. so I either have to not see him or do 180. Please advise on that.

He has no dirt on me and I know it which is why I didn't say anything to him when he was "warning" me... He seriously is crazy right now. I think I will just wait it out a bit and see what he does. I know he is quaking in his boots and I think maybe he may come to his senses in a bit.

PLease help guide me with my plan.. Really not sure what to do...

AM I the only one here that wants to say "slow down Alison"?

She has been racing through so many things aver the last few days - I have been following her thread. I have not been here for long - but I think she needs to stop a "mionute" and regroup. She needs a clear plan - one she can stand by and feel good about. I think she has recieved so much advice she needs to amp it all out so she can be consistent and truly feel in control. It's one thing to say - you are control - but until she feels confident and at peace he still holds a lot of power over her.

As for tonight - don't talk - just tell him you havwe a ehadache, the baby needs, you have friends coming by, whatever to lose hi for the evening. Stop reading his email tonight and just breathe deep, take a bubble bath, play with baby, put on some fun music and just let loose. Nothing you do tonigh is going to change the outcome.

i am sure some of you will not agree with me - I ahve let WH have too much control. And many of you have encouraged me to be more active. I am the one who knows my WH best - true he not my WH right now - he is an alien in my husbands suits. But my approach is working right now and it has kept me qt peace with out creating more LB withdrawls form an already overdrawn account.

ALison - take care of yourself!!! WH can wait til tomorrow.

Can you give us any details on what he said about the Verizon account? What I can see so far doesn't make sense. The private investigator would have used a "reverse directory" to find the information they gave you. They might even have called the number once they did that to confirm they had the right number. But what in the world does that have to do with online access? Access to what?

Personally, I think he's full of...well...are his eyes a lot browner than they used to be?

Thank you Jan. I am needing to regroup right now and I don't know what my plan is. I feel like because of MB i know and can figure out what WH is going to do and I feel like I am one step ahead of him, and right now - it feels good. It is time that I had the upper hand. He might realize soon what he has done and I will deal then. But for now, I am trying to figure out my plan...

I'm with you Jan. She needs to slow down and relax.

Alison - Plan A is the advised plan here for someone in your situation. Forget the 180 - that is a last ditch effort type plan.

So if you can be calm, see him. I'm a little afraid that he will INSIST on seeing you, because he is getting desperate.

But only see him if you can refrain from LB'ing. I couldn't. The more my WH lied and denied, the more furious I got. We are now getting divorced.

Long" Here are the emails he sent me re Verizon:

1."I just got some crazy info… we need to talk tonight."

ME: "I thought we could only speak about DD. I am not sure that would be a good idea. Would you like to clue me in on what info you got?? And I will let you if I can discuss it."

2. "Let's just say that someone made an unauthorized access into Traci's verizon account and the IP address is ours.
We need to talk tonight!!!!!!!!!!"

ME: "You can contact my lawyer on that one... I won't be discussing this kind of issue with you...."

3. "Well, you might need your lawyer on this one.. it's not looking good.
You accessed someone's account illegally.
You might want to talk to me... it would be in your best interest Aly...and I mean it.. I'm not just saying that."

ME: "again, please speak to my lawyer"

4. "I don't have a need to contact anyone... I'm telling you this for your own benefit.
It doesn't affect me at all."

ME: "ok"

That is exactly the conversation... So I do know he is bluffing...

Ah, the old "make you defensive" diversionary tactic. Don't put any more thought into it. He's just trying switch things around and make you look bad. Don't let him refocus your energies. You need to be proactive, not reactive.

Do you think you could possibly spend 24 hours without speaking to him over the phone or online? The space might do you some good.

Dobie

Or you could just come right back with "When was she in MY house using MY computer!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Allison,

I work closely with folks who are former FBI. Others are IT forensics experts, One of my closest friends is an Inspector Attorney with the US Postal Service. First, let me assure you that, unless they have access to some VERY high powered, technical IT folks and are willing to pay LOTS of money, there is now way he or OW were able to determine this. Secondly, even if they did, the former FBI folks as well as my good friend tell me this is very small potatoes and it is VERY doubtful any would prosecute from something like this - I believe what they said was something to the effect of having better things to do with their time.

Regards,

Brit's Brat

Believer - I am slowing down and I want to thank everyone for their amazing support through this. It has happened quite quickly...

The reason I question Plan A is because I am sincerely pissed that they are still lying. I feel it is stupid at this point. So based on my pissedoffedness, I do not believe I can do a Plan A.

In now way do I feel right now that I could meet his EN's & not sure I want to. I am realing over his lies and his denial. I just like knowing that he is scared poopless. I am going to have to hang onto that for a bit before I can get my sh*t together.

I would very much like my marriage to work out, BUT, and I hate to say this, WHY??? It would be best for our DD, yes. Would it be best for me, I don't know. Would it be best for H, I don't know.

I am very unsure about everything right now. What I am sure about is that I have the control & I will bask in it for just a little while...

Sorry to offend - maybe some of you have felt this way, but I finally feel like I am on top of the world in this crazy situation...

Or you could just come right back with "When was she in MY house using MY computer!"

--- LOVE IT. Wish I was whitty enough to do that when he first emailed me!!! darn it, this WH stuff has made me lose my sense of humor...

Thanks!! I like the FBI and all - makes me feel better. I knew he was bluffing when he said it, but of course second guessed myself and called the PI, but none the less, thanks to everyone here, I realize that he is in "The Fog" and has no idea what he is doing...

You really haven't been doing plan a very long or very effectively. Don't you think you should give it a chance?

I don't say that to be mean, but it has been a very short time.

Oh, yeah! He's bluffing big time. There's nothing to that at all. I'll bet if you ask him when he comes in the door he won't know what your IP is. I don't know if you have a dynamically assigned IP, as in a dialup connection, or a static one (cable/DSL) but it's extraordinarily unlikely he knows it.

Kind of curious though. By saying this "Traci" got with him so quickly(?), isn't he telling you he's still in contact with her? Is he supposed to be in NC?