Just more drama to distract you from the infidel's little vacation tomorrow.

Alison..that's a classic ow tactic for making you look bad. I'm sure she told him that OWH and you said that. Don't freak. Nothing binds two together better than a common enemy. She's making you the enemy so don't let her antics get the best of you.

When he starts this foolishness, don't take the bait. You were right in asking him to leave. Be the better person and let the ow hang herself.

Now are you beginning to understand that this A will continue until full exposure is completed. You've got to give them something else to focus on...not each other...and not you and OWH as the enemy. Let their main concern be keeping their jobs and reputation.

tonight was it. it is done. i cant do it...

Because he is choosing to believe what OW is telling him instead of what makes sense. This is very clearly OW feeding him lines to keep him hooked. If she creates drama involving you and her H, it keeps the common enemy for them to comiserate over. Easy answer: "WH, if I wanted you dead, why would I be fighting so furiously to keep our marriage together?" Another option: "My, my what an ego you have, WH, to think I would do something to you that would put me in jail for the rest of my life - I'm sitting here wondering whether I want to still be married to you, as in why not divorce you, while you're sitting there thinking you are SO beat all and end all that I'd go to jail over you - NOT!!!"

He threatened to take away the house and he said that I would pay... I cannot do this I can't I am freaking out - OMG please help - he is coming to see dd tomorrow and I don't even know what to say...

Yes I reacted - because I absolutely COULD NOT believe that he could think that I could conspire with OWH...

What a poop. Then he said that he and Traci knew they were being followed last night (not me) and that they decided to go ahead and play with it...

OMG OMG OMG - What in the ****** do i do???

Okay, so we're to believe the OWH is chatting with WH now? And he doesn't want to communicate with you in anyway, right? Wasn't that yesterday's thing? Along with you're going to jail because you illegally logged into what's 'er name's Vorizon account?

Drama? This guy is the poster boy for drama queen.

Okay - guys - if you had been here maybe I could have done all of this, but I didn't and I lost it and he lost it. and now I am losing it... I CANNOT DO THIS AMYMORE.... She has got complete control over my H. I can do nothing... I tried to tell him that tonight, but no, he wouldn't listen. I swear if I could ring her darn neck I would do it....

I hate her - she isn't worth the sh*t I step on... I hate her I hate her...

Still - what in the Lords name do I do??? I cannot fight this battle I don't have the strength to do this and be a good mother to DD.

Listen to Brit's Brat. She is absolutely correct. An affair thrives on drama - them against the world. It took me a long time to figure that out. All the stuff I was doing to try to save my marriage (lots of LB'ing, and showing up at the love nest) only made them cling together more.

I finally got smart and disengaged.

And herein lies the answer. These two goofballs have concocted a "plan" to explain away OWH's video. Their claim is going to be that they knew they were being followed and so they acted as if they were in a physical relationship even though they are not, just to get yours/OWH's goat. OR.....another possibility is your WH is worried about how is mommy will react to the video (he truly thinks he has her snowed) and is concocting a story so he can explain it away when she sees it/finds out about it.

Don't worry re: house - the divorce laws of your State decide who gets what and how assets are divided, not your WH, despite how important he seems to think he is! And....in most instances, judges will not put a child out of their home, which means the custodial parent gets to keep the house - at least until the child is 18. (Sounds to me like your WH doesn't have nor has he consulted with an attorney).

BB

Also, do you really think this woman is going to stick around when she finds out how much of his income is going to go to child support?

BB

Something I never did figure out! Why is it I can see all this now so clearly but didn't back then????

BB

Alison, remember you're in the driver's seat here. Your husband is running scared and making a damned fool of himself.

Slow down, take some deep breaths. You're okay. Like Brit\ says, your husband doesn't have the ability to do any of this. We used to call it blowin' smoke in the Air Force. It means someone who's talking, talking, and talking and not able/capable of doing a darned thing.

Please stop engaging in arguments with WH...when he raises his voice, you speak softly, when he yells, you wisper. Do not believe anything he says and only 50% of what he does. He is an affair crack-head right now.

Anything you do or say that allows him to continue or feed his addiction will be acknowledged and encouraged. Anything you do or say to disrupt his addiction will be met by hostility. Everything else will simply be ignored.

The MB plan...plan A, exposure and finally, much later, Plan B are all designed to bust up the affair so you can then determine whether your marriage is savable. This is a long PROCESS and I know how difficult this is to get in the early days but please trust us and get your emotions in check.

ACT, DON'T REACT.

You are the only sane person remaining in this marriage so it is important that you stay sane. Giving up...in the sense that you are giving up trying to MAKE him change his mind is a good thing. The movie ending where the Wayward Spouse just dumps the OP is a fairytale. It is actually a form of Betrayed Spouse fog. This Process is going to take some time. Be patient and develope YOUR plan...you are in control of only that.

Mr. Wondering

Alison,

Separate your emotions from your behavior.

Take a deep breath and THINK!!!

It sounds to me as if "Traci" must be a soap opera fan and is cooking up ideas, ala soap opera style, to "solve" their problems. And, you WH is stupid enough to think that her stupid ideas will work. Well, they won't work, unless YOU let them!

Practice in front of a mirror.

"Oh, really, dear? That's odd (or strange, or funny)!" (with a 'Mona Lisa' smile)

"Who, me?" (with your best injured lil' girl look)

"Goodnight, sweetheart. When you can speak nicely to me, you're welcome to come back over." (do this while holding the door open)

I can think of a couple of things you could have said when he came out with this last outlandish accusation.

"Oh, darn! You got here before I could get it loaded!"

"Oh, don't be silly, darling! If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn't need any help from OWH, so why would I plot with him!"

Just remember, he is trying to keep you off-kilter....so you will be too upset to THINK about how to catch them! Don't give him what he wants!

Not mattering right now... He is supposed to come se DD tomorrow and I spoke to my therapist and he said do not be at the house when H arrives. I am doing this and I believe that Plan B will be in full a(e)ffect when he gets back from CA. I am done. I am done. He is absolutely crazy and I will not be a part of it. This woman has him right where she wants him and she can have him - he is crazy - crazy for leaving us!!!

I want to call him so badly right now it is killing me. I have to say that 1. I know he is talking to Traci - I have her number and I want to just f'ing call her ****** as*...

2. he is a dumbas* for leaving a gorgious wife and an even more beautiful wife. I am calling his mom tomorrow morning to tell her exactly what happened tonight. I am tired of all his sh*t and he he wants to fight then he can call his mommy, cuz all he has right now is his ******... that is all he has - espaecially after get through with him!!!!

I am madder than Hel*... Pissed and want this to stop right now

He is behaving crazy...don't you do the same. He is making irrational emotional decisions. Nobody, including yourself, should be making life decisions amongst all this turmoil.

Your prayer tonight... Dear Lord, give me the power to change what I can change and the wisdom to accept that which I can not change. I will leave this you...please guide me - Amen.

When I say Amen I mean it...get some sleep...take care of yourself. Focus on you. Let the your life decisions about your marriage and husband wait for another day...give God time to give you direction.

Please, do it for us. We've all been there and it is sooo hard for all of us to see anyone in such turmoil and angst.

Peace, Mr. Wondering

Dubya's got a good idea, Alison. Disconnect the telephones, turn them off or whatever, have yourself a nice warm bath/shower to relax and then get a good night's sleep.

I've been being good, and keeping my fat mouth shut, because this is a marrige building site.... but I'm sorry.......I can't no longer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Alison-

NO man, woman, WH, OWH, mailman's sister's brother-in-law's aunt's husband's dead GRANDMA is worth this amount of complete BULLSH**!!! PLAN B his sorry a** to the next millinium!!! You or nor your DD need or deserve this TWISTED SHI*!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

But of course, you do what you think you should do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> This is just my opinion.

Ok, if I've offended anyone, I'm sorry. I really am, I just feel so exhausted for Alison, I wished I could do it for her! Please take care of YOU and DD!

My prayers are still with you. I know I don't sound too Christian right now, but dang....Ah Well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...We're all human!

Rest up and stay strong! We're here for ya'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer68