Thank you. That is pretty clear to me... Maybe I should send that to H??? He is a wierdo - saying that either of us were to feel comfortable being with someone else, blah blah blah... He is justifying it, isn't he??? He is using the separation to justify his A... Great - that's gonna make it even easier for me to get him back...

His rationalizations are silly and self serving. Adultery is adultery and there is no justification for adultery.

I told him this morning that something he said last night really hurt me. He asked me what it was and I told him that we can talk about it later. He appologized and said his intention is not to upset me and then I asked him if his intention was to hurt me. He said, "no, at one point that was my intention, but not any more"...

Anyway - I told him I would make him dinner tonight and that I love it when he comes over... His voice is becoming a bit different with me these days. Not sure if I am overanalizing that, but it does seem different...

Still, I wonder why he is coming over for lunch to see DD when he saw her twice yesterday... I wonder what is going on with him... I want to believe that he just wants to see us, but I can't help thinking that he will be meeting OW at his place after lunch. I guess I could call her office once he leaves to find out if she is there...

Alison, men do not want their wives to be their mothers. I made the same mistake until one day I almost saw myself doing everything his mother does when she visits. eww..! After you read Surviving An Affair read His Needs/Her Needs. Another good book is The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger

It sounds like you need to learn how to act like a wife.

BTW, I agree with Mel that any dating while separated is still adultery.

Well, it sucks because that is totally in my nature - I am a very loving and nurturing person.

Faithful: how did you get over it? I mean get over being like his mom... I know he is a big boy, but I guess I do treat him like a child at times. How do I stop doing that...

Alison, a wife loves and supports her H. A mother tells her child what to do. You don't have to give up your nuturing personality but you need to expect your H to be responsible for his own actions. A mother punishes her child when he does wrong. What do you think a wife should do?

Alison, let me phrase this another way...

One of the top EN's (emotional needs)for most men is RESPECT

Mothering your H is disrespectful. What can YOU do in your plan A to begin showing your WH respect without supporting his choice to have an A?

That would be my question. I do not know. Can you help with that one. I am following Plan A, but I cannot say it doesn't need to be tweeked... Yeah - I really need some help with this one...

Are you a SAHM? Is your WH a good provider? Does he pay the bills on time?

Yes I am a SAHM. He is an amazing provider, but it seems that's all he feel he needs to be... The bills get paid on time by me...

Do you praise him for providing you with the ability to stay home? Would you consider asking for help in the bill paying department?

How much time does he spend with your baby?

I have always praised him for being a good provider - it's like he doesn't hear me...

We are separated, so he pays his bills and I pay mine... Although this is the first time he has ever paid a bill in our marriage...

He deosn't spend much time with DD. This will be his first weekend having her the whole time...

OMG - great example. Whenever he leaves here I always call him to make sure he has gotten home ok. Last night he called me - which his mother makes him do when ever he leaves her house... Okay - I will stop that nonesence...

" What can YOU do in your plan A to begin showing your WH respect without supporting his choice to have an A? "

I need help with the about question - what can I do... Specifics are VERY needed...

I think they really may be meeting at his place today.. What should I do??? Am I being paranoid??

I don't think you are being paranoid but what can you do? Calm down and focus on what you can control right now which is YOU. Check out this article Letting Your Husband Know You're Proud of Him

I have told him over and over for the past year how proud I am for what he doing for our family. I have told him how honored I am to be his wife.

I am a good wife. I could have written that article, aside from some stuff, which I will definitely work on...

What else can I do... I still tell him these things, what else can I do NOW???

Alison - Did you have opportunity to call the Harley's?

No - not yet. I asked H if he would do it with me and he said maybe... Should I do alone first??

If he won't counsel with you then yes, call them alone.

By all means - call them even if he's not willing yet. They'll help you set up a really good plan of action based on your situation as it stands now. Money WELL SPENT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />