So, I have been made aware of a few new developments.... First off I have learned that a few months back ow was "apparently" trying to talk about getting back with her stbxh. Now.... her stbxh usually fills me in on everything and he did not tell me this. But, she did tell him before she left him that when she got "being single" and "being with my h" out of her system she wanted to get back with him. That she does love him. hmm... so anyway, her stbxh has met someone else and after a month of dating this woman has moved in with him. well, ow, his stbxw is FURIOUS! She has down right lost it. (gee, ya think she might understand a wee bit how I FEEL NOW??) she has been sending him nasty emails degrading him and his family. She is like soooooo mad over this. Stbxh's new girlfriend told me she is afraid to even go out in town alone for fear ow might say or do something to her. ( I work with his new gf btw)

Seems ow's plan was when my h goes to iraq, she was hoping for some time with her stbxh. I had a bad feeling of that. She just can't stay loyal to anyone. While my h is away she wasn't planning on going without let's just put it that way... and her plans look to be shattered now. I think too it may have something to do with the fact she knows her good times are coming to an end. when h gets back from iraq he needs to find his own place so he can have the kids over for visitation and overnights. (since he is staying with her they don't go over there, I won't allow it and neither with their counselor). Maybe she is seeing a possible ending here and she needs to start sniffing around her h again....

any insite here? wonder if her anger at her h over his new gf might work to MY advantage with my wh..... Did she really think she could keep her h on a string??? that he would just stay alone and wait forever for her? hmmm... oh to be a fly on the wall.... mlhb

mlhb,

It's all about Karma. Funny, very funny how they act when it's the other way around. I'd say sit back and watch how things play out. Does your WH know about all this?

I know a family relative that almost had the same thing happen to him. When he moved on with a new gf the XW got really jeolous although she was still with OM. Go figure.

Id be really interested to see how this plays out.

Oh, I will keep you posted. I am a christian woman. Not perfect, but do believe. And God works in strange ways. I have been praying, the whole church has, my inlaws have. I am just sitting back and watching.

I do not know if my wh knows any of this. If I had a copy of the emails I would send them to him but you know what? I really don't think he would care. He knows what she is, he has told me this himself. He knows she lies, he knows she is not stable. To him she is a good time and a place to stay til he gets back from 4 months in iraq. My h cares only about himself. She could walk out on him right now and he could care less. He would see it as trash out the door. She is expendable and replaceable. No big to him.

I do find it hysterical though. She wrecks her marriage of only 4 months by sleeping with my h and some other guy, she thinks she is so all that that she can play any men she wants. Boy oh boy is she is for a rude awakening. Her h she is finding out, is not just sitting home pining away for her. And my h is just playing her for the ho she is. The icing on the cake would be for my h to finally "de-fog" and come home to his family after iraq where he belongs. Boy, wouldn't that just tick her off too. Hey, he's still MY husband.

Yup, I am just gonna sit back and watch this unfold.... mlhb

bumping

Haha - That's a good one. I had the idea that she wouldn't be sitting around waiting for him, either. That's one reason why affairs never last. The infidels know that they can't trust each other.

did you really feel that way believer?? ya know, so many people have said she is not going to just sit around waiting for him but I just feel like she is sooooo obssessed with my h that she won't mess it up by running around. But than again than why so upset with her h about his new love? why so jealous if she didn't want him anymore? he said he found a diary of hers from like 1999 or something when he was packing up some old stuff in their house (this is her stbxh i am talking about) and one of the entries asked "what is your worst thing about yourself" and she wrote " I have cheated on every man I have ever loved" I just have to believe it is only a matter of time. I just want my h the heck away from her. Even if he doesn't come home, I want him away from her.

On a different note let me add this.... When my h "moved out" in July ( and mind you most of his stuff is still here at the house. He took clothing and dvds and that was about it. I have all of his personal belongings and everything else right here. I would think if he was making her place a permanent move he would have taken everything over there... am I right?) Anyway, when he left I would lock the door when I wasn't home. He had no key. I didn't want him just coming in here whenever and taking whatever ya know? As time went on I just kept it that way. Well, as things have been a little more tolerable between us this past month or so I have been leaving house unlocked when he has the kids so if he needs to get in here for something of theirs and I am not home he can. Sometimes he comes in, others he just sends kids in to get what they need. ( I know he feels "wierd" being in the house, I know I would...) well, it has been going pretty well, he is being trustworthy here and I want him to know he can bring kids here if he has nowhere else to take them. He USUALLY does not come here with them, he doesn't like being in the house that long. But he came here the other day on a day he doesn't usually have them,he just had them an hour in the morning and the house was locked. He told our son that "mommy needs to leave it open in case you need to get in" ..... well, at first I was just going to tell h where a key was hidden but decided to take it one step further... I left him a key in the mailbox and told him to put it on his key ring and that way he has a key should the house be locked.... Big step for me. I pray he not use it to my disadvantage. But, I really didn't think he would take the key! I thought he would say just hang it somewhere and if he needs it he will use it. But he actually put it on his key ring! I am astonished! baby steps.... but a big deal to me.... mlhb

That was a good move. It's the old lighthouse thing - show him the way home.

I hope you have made the house attractive and inviting.

The OW won't last - the seperation while he is in Iraq will be too much for her.

oh yes, the house is looking great. I painted the living room and main hallway, got rid of some old furniture. Kids rooms are completely organized. Computer room is organized. Very homey here. My room I need to do but I lock my bedroom door until it is done. In other words the house is looking much better than when he left and it continues to be improved. Need to hit the stairway to the basement and the basement.

I hope ow doesn't last. No one seems to think it will. I sure hope everyone is right! I continue to work on myself. Can you believe that 3 years ago when my company closed I had gotten down to my goal weight and was in 8's and 10's and that the depression of how my marriage was and my career being gone etc, I went up to a size 24! yup, gained like over 100 pounds! I have lost 70 so far, another 40 or 50 to go. But it is very noticeable. And I quit smoking. Lots of positive changes. Still working on many more though... Wish I was in my old clothes right now. Am down to a 16/18. But I figure I can be there by the time h gets back from iraq in may and won't that be a nice surprise??? mlhb

ok, i think i probably lb'd.... what do you think?

I sent wh and email letting him know of the psychotic emails ow has been sending to her stbxh over his new gf... i simply said that stbxh did not tell me (as i had told him a while ago not to tell me stuff anymore, i was moving on and minding my business and i told h this as well) but that i work with new gf and SHE came to ME out of fear. she asked me what ow was capable of after reading emails that were sent. i said i told her i did not know what ow was so upset about, she did not want her h anyway or she would not have left although she had said she did want to get back with him eventually. i then said simply that she was capable of taking another woman's husband without a second thought and hurting this woman and her kids w/out a second thought so honestly i did not know what she was capable of. i then said that i was not the best person to discuss this with as i really wanted to stay right out of it.

lastly i said that what comes around has a strange way of coming back around and that ow now knows exactly how i have felt. that wh and i both know from life there are consequences to every decision one makes and now she knows this too. that this is real life, with real people, and NOT a cute little game. I ended with it was too bad any of this had to happen but that I told the gf that i did not want to hear anymore because honestly ignorance is bliss and it truly is bliss.

did i lb toooo much here?? i did not in any way point any fingers and wh or degrade him. and i chose my words carefully about ow. i know you are not supposed to "educate" your ws on things like saying what they are doing is wrong, etc... i just wanted him to be aware since i am sure he doesn't know, that she has been basically harrassing her stbxh ever since he got this new live in gf.... do i need a 2x4 or what??? smack me if i need it, i can take it. mlhb

just bumping for new posts....

well, who wants to come along for the ride with me?? yup, been bumpy for a few days... first, wh sends me some jabbing texts about my car sitch (read older post before xmas about that). I am putting another one on the road in the next few days and have been riding with friends to work, etc. So I email him and tell him that that is all ok. He can poke fun at me all he wants that I am happy and doing all the right things, building a strong and secure future, blah blah blah. Nothing too big.

So yesterday morning wh comes over way early to keep kids here and take them to school so I can leave for work. That's all ok. When I get home I check my caller id and see ow's number on my phone around 9am. I am like wtf! Why would she be calling our home for him when he clearly would not have been here? Did she think he was here with me or what? So I leave message on wh's cell and tell him to tell her to NEVER EVER call my house again, she can call his cell. Then I say, nevermind, I will take care of it myself. Mind you I have not emailed or spoken to ow through out any of this mess. I will just not waste my breath. But I did email her and tell her never ever to call my house again. Made it short and to the point.

Well, wh texts me last night and says it was not her that called my house, it was him dialing my number accidently! well, I kinda chuckled cuz I ripped her a new one for something HE did! haha I told him no big, it is all good. Just tell her it is your fault she got reemed. So I emailed her one last time and told her I stood corrected, that it was h who had called (he never calls me on her phone, always his) but that now she can see how fast I would be all over her if she ever interfered with me and my children. I told her I had such lack of respect for her that I didn't even want to see her name on my caller id. I than said, you know ow, I have never said a word to you throughout this whole mess because I do not feel you are worth my time. But I will say a few things right now and, rest assured, along as you stay away from me and my children you won't have to deal with me again. And I said some stuff to her about how the 2 innocent ones hurt have been ma and h's kids, how, now that she is so upset over her h getting a gf and replacing her now she knows how I have felt, that is hurts doesn't it? Not that she cared at all for what she has done to me and my kids without a 2nd thought. I didn't stoop to name calling or anything, just made a few points. I ended with not to worry, my children and I will be just fine as we build a strong and healthy future far far away from her. Etc, etc...

Did tell her not to bother responding, I had her email addy blocked and would not read anything she sent anyway. In her f**ked fog she probably didn't hear a word anyway, but felt kinda good. I am sure she will show wh the email. I don't care at all. A big LB?? maybe.... But she had it coming. mlhb

bumping

ml:

What are you doing?

This doesn't sound like PLAN A.

Isn't he about to go to Iraq and you wanted him to leave with good feelings about you?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I know I have a huge 2x4 coming... I know I know... But sometimes one can only take so much. I would just like to strangle this woman! My lips are sealed from now on... or I should say my emailing fingers....

One question.. do you think I should show my wh the statement made my ow's stbxh? It was a 7 page statement to my attorney about the A between his w and my h from beginning to now. All the trauma it caused him and his family and her family, all the lies she told, etc... How she tried to kill herself last year, going to the er from alcohol induced poisoning... etc... wh has never seen this statement. I had it in case of divorce. mlhb

When does your WH leave for Iraq?

He is reserves, vermont air national guard, fireman. He has guards this weekend and hopes they will tell him then. He told me they were told they were to be in Iraq no later than January 20th. He has all of his stuff, they gave him 7 duffel bags full.

I just feel like I stink at this. Can someone help me to come up with and stick with a really good plan A??? What can I do while he is gone? Mind you, he has been staying with ow since the fall, left in July. All of his personal belongings are still here and the garage is full of his things. He pretty much only took his clothes and movies. He has intense hatred towards me, has since I don't know when. he has major childhood issues and I think the reality of married life just brought out years of anger and I have been the target so I am the bad guy. I swear there is not one ounce of love in his body for me. I am currently dealing with a full blown narcissist.... So how do you Plan A that? mlhb

Bumping.... seriously hoping you all will help me out here and hold my hand and guide me through the next 4 or 5 months once wh leaves for Iraq in a good Plan A.... mlhb

For the WS U don't plan A. U plan A for you. What are you planning t/d to improve yourself? For me plan A included moving the WS stuff out of my sight. For some stupid reason he thought his things needed to be in my way while I was cleaning our home each week. Dumb WS. I put his stuff the first time in suitcases and boxes. After a few times of bad recoveries, those same items ended up on the front lawn. Inbetween they went into great big black garbage bags. By the time I got fed up enough to throw them on the lawn even the police were on my side. LOL!!! That's another story but I tell it so you don't have to go to that extreme. Just pack his stuff up and get is out of your sight. That may help.

L.

His clothes, well, what he wears, and stuff, are at OW's. All the rest of his stuff is here and has been packed up for some time now. I boxed and bagged all his stuff and it is in my front room closet. The rest is in the garage albeit not packed but just down there as he left it. So I don't see his stuff in the home I have been improving. I have been doing the self improvement part of plan A since the summer. I have lost 70 pounds so far, quit smoking a year ago, been redoing the home, been working on not being "reactionary", been working on my attitude, and on my future by going to school, working, and working with a debt counselor to pay off bills. I want to know what I can do as a bs while my ws is in Iraq. While my messed up and sometimes confused ws is in Iraq... I will have the children write him everyday. But what can I be doing? I am sure ow will be keeping in touch with him... How can I make US, me and the kids, look like the better alternative when he gets back? He has not made a decision yet as to what he is doing when he gets home (stay with ow or get his own place)... coming home has never been a thought discussed. I would be happy just to have him get his own place away from ow. So what do I DO while he is gone??? mlhb

Why should you try to compete with OW? Let him have her. When she doesn't have time to talk to him on the phone when he is in Iraq, he may give you a call. It sounds like a good time for Plan B. If he can have both of you, that may be his best option for him. It's not a good one for you. Plan B lets him know that you won't accept a threesome.
Cherished