I'm sorry, I'm pretty new(both to the internet as well as this website) I dont understand most of the posts because of all of the abbreviations. Some of them are common sense, but others I have no idea about. Is there anyone with the time to write all these down for me, or with information on where to find out. Sorry, thank you. [color:"black"] [/color]

Welcome Mary. Tell us your story. I will give you a link to abbreviation, etc...

Mary,

Abbreviations

Mary it is 1am here so I am off to bed. I will check in later. Good night.

I dont know that I have enough time in a day to tell you the whole story. It's kind of funny, ya know, I ran a search for marriage after crying for hours about how I thought mine was just falling apart, this website came up and that's when I suddenly thought there was hope. Everything I read was us, everything I saw I understood and suddenly thought we could actually work through it. Unfortunately so far it's been a disaster, I printed out the emotional needs questions and he laughed at me. He doesn't seem to believe we have a problem. But let me tell you, it's not for lack of talking to him about it. He calls it nagging, but really I just am constantly asking him to help me in helping us, with our marriage, with our parenting skills....etc. For ex. I have VERY deep trust issues stemming from our early days of marriage(I mean literally, days) he decided to divulge that he was actually a crack addict who couldnt stop as long as we lived in Vegas where everything was tempting him, so we moved, I moved my daughter across the entire country at only a year old so he could get better. I stayed up with him...we read books together on how to get over his addiction, and he did. BUT. There's always a but. He relapsed when I was pregnant with my second child. That was it for me. I left. Then he got clean again, convinced me that he was too weak for the temptation, so he would just stay home. And he did, for a year, then again, he relapsed. Now I'm aware that an addiction is hard to overcome, but in my eyes, even though I've never even tried drugs, your children are more of a reward that anyone can ever give you, and he knows that if he relapses once more, I will go. I will not care anymore, because it will be obvious to me that he doesn't care either. So that is one example, there are many indescrepencies (sp?) along the way as well as after. There are many bad habits, many stresses, and many issues that we have to work though. But should I already be gone?
Why am I still here? Am I just holding on to something that I never had? or something I've already lost?

Mary, do you feel he is having an affair at this point in time?

I feel that he has, I went to Hawaii for a while until he cleaned up his act, during that time we spoke very little. Since then, he's been caught in so many lies it's not even funny. His co-worker was my first thought. She was definitely a knockout and I knew that my very pregnant self couldnt compete, but I also felt so betrayed ...why should i have to compete, he is supposed to love me, right? Anyway since then I have discovered my husband will sneak, lie, and cheat to get whatever he wants. The drug-use just showed me how uncaring he is about how much i love him, and how i'm there for him no matter what. He was just thinking of himself, not his family

My biggest fear, the one thing that makes me more angry than anything else in the world, is that I gave my life to him. I am a good mother, I gave him children, I am a good wife, I am an understanding wife, for God as my witness we pulled through together. We got through his addiction, together we repaired his relationship with God, with his family, especially with our DD since they had never had much a bond...I helped him realize that he needed to get in charge of his addiction before it ruined all of our lives....And for what? After all of that, he can just be with someone else...I've NEVER lied, cheated, stolen anything in my life. I have never given him a reason to stray. I dont understand how something so sacred to me as our bed could be shared with another.

Mary

I am sorry for yrou sitch. I can tell you must be hurting and you seem to have a very warm heart. I can tell you are a caring person.

One thing you should know. There is always hope.

I must admit, it does sound like your H is/did have an affair. He also has an addiction problem. I an not experianced in that area but I am sure some here will help you or at least direct you.

One thing I can tell you, read all you can here. Your husband is not going to be postive about what you are trying to do. Don't worry about that at the moment. That is pretty common. Don't let that change your motivation to work on your marriage.

Question? Has your Husband gone to Ind. Counseling about his addiction. I know you left Nevada, but I did not see a mention of proffesional help unless I missed it.

Before we met, he was in and out of rehab, since we've been married he was in rehab twice, but it doesn't seem to help because he is the type of person that doesn't want to hear what anyone else has to say, even if they are trying to help him. At his job, his co-worker at the time (OW) convinced him that I was just trying to change him, and that if he wanted to quit doing what he was doing he could, but it shouldn't be because of me or our children. The reason I know that she told him that is because I may have been pregnant at the time, but I was certainly not blind to the body language between them when I was there. I worked very close to him, so we saw each other often, and they would always be telling jokes to each other and she would touch him on his arm when she laughed and things like that. I certainly wasn't going to stand there and let her think that I was just going to stand by while this went on, so I confronted her right there, and she got on the defensive like I was just trying to change him and she was just being there for him as a friend so he would know that she accepted who he was. ugh, i get so upset just thinking about it.