I just got news early this morning, that my ex-fatherinlaw passed away. This was a man that was there for me and my 3 girls unconditionally, thru all the very hard times. He was supportive with my decision at the time of the divorce. He understood. This was my XH's stepfather. So we were both married into the family, and he could see from the outside, how truly painful things were at the time.

He took in my girls as his own. The girls are now pretty well grown. Twins-18, youngest-17. They just returned from Idaho, from their Christmas break. They say he was holding on to see them. So they were able to see him, and not long after their return home, he was gone. The family told me that what would of made it complete, would have been for him to see me one more time. Now I feel this tremendous guilt and sadness. I'm in Montana, and had no way to afford to go. He and my X-MIL had come here a few times to visit. So I was able to see him within the last year, and he didn't look healthy then. I kind of knew that would probably be the last time.

Anyway, I'll miss him, and always remember his understanding and support during one of the most tragic times in my life. So sad.....

Jennifer68

(((Jeenifer))) I am so sorry for yuor loss.

Do not worry that you didn't get to see him. I think from everything you said, he knows how much you loved him.

Focus on how blessed you were to have him in your life.

Jennifer,

Even though you couldn't see him in the end or be a part of his funeral, you can still do something meaningful for you. Plan your own "goodbye moment". If he recently visited you maybe you have a place that you all visited together, go there and bring a poem, a quote, some flower petals to release in to the wind, something meaningful. Take a moment to write some thoughts down, memories you have, or words he may have shared with you. Involve your children, they are old enough to get involved, and they have in reality lost a grandparent.

And send a note to your ExH - I don't know what happened between you, but it is important to mark the loss that he is feeling. It can also help you -

I don't know if that helps - Blessings - Jan

Thankyou, Jan & Move.

These are very good suggestions. I thought of a poem. The girls would like this idea.

My XH and I are on good terms. He had to go thru alot, is a recovering alcoholic and drug user. Infidelity was also present in our marriage. He's very remorseful of our past, and that helps. We can now be friends. He considered his stepdad his father. He was the one who made sure the girls were there for Christmas to see their Grandpa one last time. I spoke with FIL on the phone before he died, and told him I loved him. He choked up and said he loved me, too. So at least I was able to tell him.

Anyway, thankyou for your kindness and words. I will do something for his memory...

Jennifer68