Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 767
J
Member
Member
J Offline
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 767
I just got news early this morning, that my ex-fatherinlaw passed away. This was a man that was there for me and my 3 girls unconditionally, thru all the very hard times. He was supportive with my decision at the time of the divorce. He understood. This was my XH's stepfather. So we were both married into the family, and he could see from the outside, how truly painful things were at the time.

He took in my girls as his own. The girls are now pretty well grown. Twins-18, youngest-17. They just returned from Idaho, from their Christmas break. They say he was holding on to see them. So they were able to see him, and not long after their return home, he was gone. The family told me that what would of made it complete, would have been for him to see me one more time. Now I feel this tremendous guilt and sadness. I'm in Montana, and had no way to afford to go. He and my X-MIL had come here a few times to visit. So I was able to see him within the last year, and he didn't look healthy then. I kind of knew that would probably be the last time.

Anyway, I'll miss him, and always remember his understanding and support during one of the most tragic times in my life. So sad.....

Jennifer68

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
(((Jeenifer))) I am so sorry for yuor loss.

Do not worry that you didn't get to see him. I think from everything you said, he knows how much you loved him.

Focus on how blessed you were to have him in your life.

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 168
S
Member
Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 168
Jennifer,

Even though you couldn't see him in the end or be a part of his funeral, you can still do something meaningful for you. Plan your own "goodbye moment". If he recently visited you maybe you have a place that you all visited together, go there and bring a poem, a quote, some flower petals to release in to the wind, something meaningful. Take a moment to write some thoughts down, memories you have, or words he may have shared with you. Involve your children, they are old enough to get involved, and they have in reality lost a grandparent.

And send a note to your ExH - I don't know what happened between you, but it is important to mark the loss that he is feeling. It can also help you -

I don't know if that helps - Blessings - Jan


Last edited by Jancancrop; 01/03/06 10:44 AM.

ME - 46 yo
exH - 45 yo
Married 20 years
Three children 19, 15, 12
Multiple affairs, D-days, NC, and recoveries - all false
Divorce final May 10, 2007

Each day is a new lesson on forgiveness and peace
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 767
J
Member
Member
J Offline
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 767
Thankyou, Jan & Move.

These are very good suggestions. I thought of a poem. The girls would like this idea.

My XH and I are on good terms. He had to go thru alot, is a recovering alcoholic and drug user. Infidelity was also present in our marriage. He's very remorseful of our past, and that helps. We can now be friends. He considered his stepdad his father. He was the one who made sure the girls were there for Christmas to see their Grandpa one last time. I spoke with FIL on the phone before he died, and told him I loved him. He choked up and said he loved me, too. So at least I was able to tell him.

Anyway, thankyou for your kindness and words. I will do something for his memory...

Jennifer68


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 399 guests, and 68 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
ameliamartin, Nicholas Jason, daisyden878, Oren Velasquez, Kerniol
71,999 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by risoy60576 - 05/24/25 09:12 AM
Advice pls
by Steven Round - 05/24/25 06:48 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,508
Members72,000
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0