Happy New Year Pep.

Now lets get this new year started right....


please understand this: [color:"blue"] your opinions have helped me grow!! A LOT!!!![/color]

but here is the thing i just realized...

I decided to hang on to the comment that you made on the thread about the donation. the one where you said i was not being a buyer. and what i choose to focus on was that one thought... pep says i am not a buyer.

but in fact you did not say that, you did have the opinion that in that situation, i was not acting like a buyer.

big difference.

it was ME that decided to generalize your opinion and then beat myself up with it later. NOT YOU.

and besides that... i just went back and re-read that thread. I understand where you read my stmt of

and saw that as a red flag...

and so you posted...



and i can see what you were saying. that stmt i made was not conducive to POJA.

however, the fact is, that whole exchange between DH and I was good. we worked it out. yes, i was starting to judge him harshly, and i recoginized it and backed off the converstaion until later. which is exactly what you are supposed to do during POJA.

you stated i was unwilling to apply Dr. Harley's principles, but that is not true. he himself recogizes that sometimes one should back off if they are feeling their taker is getting out of hand...


and i was not even at a point where i externally did anything disrespectful. i knew internally that is where i was headed so i stopped the conversation until later. i was not trying to end the conversation for good, i just knew i needed to stop and re-group.

did i handle the whole thing perfectly? no, i'm sure i didn't, but i can live with that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

did i try to avoid the conflict for a short time? yes. but i see nothing wrong with taking time to re-group before finishing a conversation.

DH and I did good!!! we worked it out. in the end, what he really needed was to be comfortable with WHO we donated to, not the amount. he was fine with the amount.

by recoginizing i was starting to judge him harshly and
deciding to back off and continuing it later, i was able to help steer the conversation in such a way that his real concern was understood.

DH did great too cuz he was the one that re-started the conversation by noticing that something seemed to be on my mind and asking me about it.

by the way, in that thread you also said....

and that was VERY helpful. cuz that is what i really needed to hear in order to re-group and continue the conversation.

you have to decide for yourself how you want to continue to post to people.

i wanted to let you know. you have helped me emensly and i thank you and i sincerly hope you continue to post exactly as you do.

(now if someone could just help me with my spelling problem!!)

I am already changing my posting habits ... for my own benifit.

Here is something I have learned ... that when my husband annoys me, I can magnify his imperfections to a point where I am VERY dissatisfied overall .... and he sits there innocent of doing anything really wrong .... and it is mostly in my own head that I run his inventory ... to the detriment of our marriage.

So, my criticism of you was actually me recognizing my own weakness.

and so it goes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

... and my "solution" right now for those times when my head is running off a list of H's imperfections and annoying habits ... I go do a couple of Sudoku puzzles ... and voila' .... my train of thought is derailed and my brain relaxes enough to see what a really wonderful man he is ....

so you any good at those Sudoku puzzles? Cuz if you are, tell me the next number that can be placed in this one