i'm very quick to beat myself up and focus on negatives.

i am very quick to forget the positives.

your post to me last week was very helpful. i wanted to make sure you knew that.

i'm not always very elequant with my words. so i doubt the above really does justice to the gratitude i have for all of your help.

i will continue to relax and enjoy life. i am already seeing signs that DH is responding to my efforts.

my fears are just very overwhelming at times.

i cannot tell you how many times i say to myself, as i start to feel fear, "live as if you have no fear". something i do because of the amount of times i have read your words to not only myself but others too.

obviously i have not really come close to perfecting that living style but at least i am thinking it!!!!

anyway, i just had to give you an extra thanks for last week's post... thanks.

FL,

You are more than welcome, but just remember it is not I or anyone that has helped you near as much as you have helped yourself. I read this post and wonder "What can that woman fear? Doesn't she see how strong she is?"

You have faced some very tough decisions. You have faced YOURSELF (something we all have a very difficult time doing) and you have done it more successfully than you realize. Don't you think it is time you quit beating yourself up? I sure do. Don't you think it is time for you to realize that you little to fear these days because no matter what happens you can handle it? Don't you think your H is waiting for you? I sure do, just from what you have said in this single post.

He is not perfect. He has his own issues and further he has had some tough things to get over as well yet...he is there. More importantly he responds to you. You change your approach and he changes as well. Don't you see the connection FL? The man can run but he cannot hide. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> You have his heart no matter what he wishes or has wished.

Again I encourage you to enjoy what you have earned with such hard work...your life.

God Bless,

JL

JL, i know your intentions are so good, but i totally S*CK at accepting any sort of compliments!!! I swear somehow it seems so much harder to accept than negative comments and can sometimes throw me into a bit of a downward spiral instead lifting me up.

but i'm working on it.

and yes, i am also (SLOWLY) coming to accept that I am doing ok and i can be happy.

And That FL is very likely why your H has a bit of trouble with this as well. You don't leave him a way to make deposits in your love bank. You don't allow him to show you he loves you, and so he has withdrawn. I know you say you want him closer, but I often wonder about this for the very reason you mentioned.

Why should you NOT accept what I say at face value? Why should you NOT accept that people could and probably do find you inspirational? Why should you NOT accept that your H really did and probably does love you?

Consider how frustrating it would be if your children rejected every nice or good thing you tell them about themselves. Heck, imagine what it would be like if they reject just most of them.

In fact as teenagers they have/will reject a lot of the advice you have to offer and yes some of the love, and it will frustrate you no end. So please consider what you have said here and think about how you deal with your H.

Oh and I stand by what I said and you are stuck with that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL