well hello,

Have'nt been on much today.DD is home sick from school.Just wanted to know how hubbies first day went.Did you have a nice night?

My night was fine.We went to bed early.Hubbie had a headache.He had it all day.Poor Thing.Other than that i did nothing.

My H for the most part says ILU first.I need this.As soon as we wake it comes from his mouth.Sometimes here or there it might take a bit.I think he wants to hear it from me first.

I just hope to have my taxes before V-day.I did them online.It says 15 days at the most.I hope less.

Well let me know how your doing.I should ck back soon.

#1mom

Numberonemom,

Just checking to see how you are doing...didn't hear from you today and I have been busy at work...but it's taking too long to find this post so I figured I'd send you a note.

I hope your day is going well....We had a good night last night. My H's job was good for the first day and they asked him to stay late until 5:30 . He called me before I left work to tell me. The only thing is that he has to get up at 5 so was really tired and asleep by 10. But that's okay. It is just a complete turnaround of our life, which used to be me home alone w/ the kids at 10 pm, not with him lying beside me. So for that, I am very thankful. He used to be getting ready for work when I was getting the kids to bed. I never want to do that again, it sucked bigtime.

I feel better than I did yesterday. I got up with him again this morning. He called me when he got to work and then again at lunchtime. Once he gets used to the hours, he won't be so tired.

Didn't go to Kohls today==rainy and cold outside. But will try to go tomorrow or Friday. Got a call from the children's teacher at the church because Liam wasn't there on Sunday--a good incentive for us to get up and go. Now that the children's class has started, they miss him, so we will have to go. We've done good--only missed twice since we started in Dec, about 2 mos. Once it was due to really bad weather.

Well I hope you are keeping up with those stickers...try to just weather the rollercoaster, that's what I'm trying to do.

Will check in later,

hey we posted mins apart.wanted to make sure you seen mine.Now i'll go read yours.

hey as long as that rollercoaster does'nt break apart.I will be fine.As for those stickers.I'm back to day one.

My goal is to get on everyday the whole month of Feb.

I'm glad your h had a good first day.That sucked that he had to work late.At least you both went to bed together.It looks like we both had an early night.

I will make it to kohls probally early next week.

It's cold and rainy here too.Better than snow

#1mom

Yes rain is much better than snow. He had to work late, but we met at a pizza place for dinner, because by the time I was getting home, so was he. That's what makes it nice..Even if he works late, we will be home around the same time...

I need my H to say ILY first and he doesn't really do it, but then we never were in the habit of saying it every day. I want to get in that habit. He complained that I was not affectionate enough with him (this was a recurring complaint of his)...so now I try to be more affectionate and loving to him (hugs,kisses, etc). The problem now is that he waits for me to be more affectionate and doesn't do it on his own... I need him to reassure me that he loves me...if we ever talked about the ENs answers, he would see that Affection is a big need for me...

Well sorry your DD is home sick...I guess we were both thinking at the same time, which was good. Keep it up with the stickers...

Have a good night!

Numberonemom,

Welcome to February...the start of a new month on your calendar and in your life...day one...a new beginning...

I hope your daughter is feeling better today and was able to go back to school. The weather here is beautiful and mild...

I'm okay today...I am feeling that my H is not doing enough to help me heal, but other than that, I'm trying to focus on myself. I'm trying not to stress him out because of his new job...I think that Iwill go to Kohls next Thursday, because I am taking the morning off to go to DS's school (like my H did last week)...I will leaving the school around 11 and don't have to be at work until 1, so that will give me time to try stuff on. I only get a 1/2 hr for lunch so I would be really rushed...

Will check back in a little while.

mamafish,

i hope this will be a new begining for me.I'm just worried that this month will be hard.This was one of the months more things started to unfold.The month i found out they almost did it but did'nt.That killed me itself.Then i have May when the truth finailly came out that they had sex five times.Why he lied i will never know.I told him last night this month and May will be hard on me.

My D is back in school.She is doing better.

Tell you H that you need him to do more.Maybe tell him what you need.Like if he can't show you or he feels funny saying things.Tell him or hint to him that it would be nice to find noted laying ariund the house.Maybe you can do it first.

I am trying to find my H something ogf meaning for V-day.I was thinking of a Cross on a chain.A card some candy.Of course our night we will remember for ever.I hope i find the best looking sexy clothing there is.

Well i will ck back later

NUMBERONEMOM,

This month will be hard for me also. The PA started by this time last year (had just started end of Jan). The astrologer already told me that Feb was going to be hard for me, and also May...this was in my birth chart...because of the way the planet Saturn was...also because of my midlife....my birthday is April 26 (Taurus). when is yours? Forgive me if you have already told me. I just ask, because it's funny that Feb and May are the same months that I know will be hard on me, and I wonder if you are also a Taurus....Not sure if you are "into" astrology or not. I am not, but am interested in it based on that reading. The astrologer knew that the OW in my H's case was a Pisces, and I had asked him that day and found out her birthday was Feb 19th (he thinks)...I asked him when her birthday was and he said, I don't know, Feb 19, I think...I didn't follow up and ask if he spent it with her. Now I will, and I want to know if he bought her gifts, what they did...

I just looked in my datebook from last year, this really stinks...and I get that sinking feeling again...I hadn't looked it up before now. Feb 19th was a Saturday and I have a note in it saying that Feb 19th/20 he stayed at his friend's. Yeah, now I know the truth... He spent her birthday weekend with her. We went to VA and had just come home that Thursday night and he went to work, came home Friday and then stayed w/ her that whole weekend, I"m sure of it now, that he said that date was her birthday. This is why this month and the next 8 until Sept 12th are going to be very very hard on me...

I understand what you mean...about not finding the whole truth out until later. Your H lied because he was afraid to tell you the truth, just like mine. They didn't want to hurt us. I think my H is still not being completely honest. He said that they had been flirting since the summer, but he hasn't told me the NATURE of the flirting. This is what I want to know. What they said to each other. I'm not a flirt, I'm anything but a flirt in fact. Very quiet. I always thought he was somewhat of a flirt, but a harmless one. That's what kills me. That he was not harmless. While he is married to me, he is carrying on like he is single--before the PA started.

Yes, this is a long road ahead of me....I know it...I remember so many times how he wasn't there for me during my pregnancy. I am just reliving it all over again now. I read in another post how keeping secrets about the A, keeps walls between the spouses and protects the OW. I am going to tell my H tonight how I am feeling. Like I said, I have tried not to stress him out because of his new job (which is going well)...but it is not fair for me to keep it all inside, like I always do..

I need to feel like he cares about me and loves me, because I felt all last year that he didn't, and I still feel that way even though he says he does. The notes are a good idea--he is going to start bringing his lunch next week so I can put a little love note in it....that will surprise him! I find that I can't Hint anything to him because he just doesn't get the hint. I have to just tell him, and stop expecting him to read my mind. then he will be more understanding when he sees me looking upset. If I tell him now what I need (to feel loved, to be hugged) before I get upset, he will know what to do.

I don't know what to get him for Vals Day...he doesn't wear any jewelry. I will get a card and maybe a CD...some cashews would be good. And I am still going to look for something sexy at Kohls, even though he said he would buy me something.

Hi numberonemom,

I'm back, with a better attitude this morning. Even though I didn't talk to H about what I said I would last night, we did talk a bit. We met up after work and went to Walmart and then to a local pizza place for dinner. At dinner, we were just talking about our days ( I love this, big Conversation EN of mine). He says, Would you ever want me to go back to the casino? I said, Honestly no. Not as long as she is working there. But even if she wasn't, no, because now I know the whole environment there and I didn't know it before. ..So he said, I thought that's what you would say. I learned my lesson. I made my mistake and know what I want. I am enjoying my family now. I don't miss that place. There are just a bunch of miserable people that work there....

So, that made me feel pretty good. He brought it up, not me, which is a good thing. And I didn't get upset or anything. I find that when he brings it up first, I can react without LBs or getting mad (most of the time)...His new job is very different from the casino in every way. At the casino, he was free to walk the casino floor, help patrons, basically on his own unless he got a call to fix a machine (that's how he was able to meet her). At this place, they are watched by the supervisors, have scheduled breaks, and their efficiency is rated. He said that if you get up to go to the bathroom in between breaks, people look at you funny. I'm glad that there is no opportunity for him to just walk around and meet people. I don't really think that he would do this again, but you know what I mean...I told him that if he was to go back to the casino, I would not be comfortable, and he understood that.

So we didn't get home until 8 and he was exhausted and went to bed by 8:30...so we didn't talk further, but I was okay with that. I also told him that I signed him up for the Men's Breakfast on Sat at 7 am (it's on how to be a better husband, in advance of Valentines'Day)...He said that he would go to it. I'm hoping that he will get a better perspective on what it means to be a good husband.

So how are you doing today? It's Groundhog day, but I don't know what the results of the Groundhog were today. I do love that Bill Murray movie though.

Have a great day and I'll check back later.

Mama,

hey i really don't have much time.I been in and out all day.Glad to hear you are having a good day and had a good night.The same here.I just been so busy today.Now i have to go to the school help with a pasta dinner.This is to rise money for my sons sixth grade trip to NYC.Then i have to go to bus some tables.Fun huh.

My b-day is in March i'm a pisces.Now don't hate me.LOL

Well by tomorrow i will have loads to day and enjoy your night.
#1mom

No, Numberonemom, I will not hate you because you're a Pisces. LOL... My father and my father in law are both Pisces (Feb)....I just thought that it was interesting that she knew the OW was a Pisces...I did not tell her that. How would she know that, you know?

I figured that you had a busy day today...That's nice that you are working at your son's pasta dinner. I hope you have a good night at work.

Hey, my H called me at lunch today, asked how my day was going, and even, get this, said ILY FIRST ...that made my day!

Talk to you tomorrow!!

Hey there mama,
How are yoy today? i am just fine.I'm glad you still like me.LOLHow was your night?mine was just fine.Work was busy so it went by quickly.My sons Pasta dinner went well.i'm not sure how much money they made.

Happy to hear your H said those three words first.Must of put a hugh smile on your face.How is his week going?Still liking the new job?

Well i got mysexy outfit yesterday.I ended up getting it at target.They had some nice ones.They had the color we both wanted.Yellow.It is very nice.I hope he likes it.I hid it for now.You know don't want him to see it until its on me.

What else are you up to.Any plans for the weekend?Not much here just doing things around the house.

Have you two got around to doing any talking?

Well i'll ck back in a bit
#1mom

Hi there,

Good to hear from you today...I'm fine...Last night was OK...I watched ER..he went to bed early. The job is going pretty well..he is not working tomorrow morning (good) because he will go to that Better Husband breakfast...I really want him to get some insight here on what he SHOULD be doing...It's not about infidelity, just about how to be a better husband...All men, so they can talk freely I guess..

I did tell him last night how it made my day when he said ILY on the phone...so he will know it is good to do it again.


Glad that you got your sexy outfit...I will check Target out...there is one that I could go to next Thursday...out of my usual range of travel, but not far...Yes, definitely surprise him with it and he will LOVE it...Although a couple weeks ago, I had left out one of my old ones (not on purpose) and he picked it up and said Hey what's this? I don't think I ever saw this one before...I was like, yeah you did a couple yrs ago and then I never wore it again...so that night he saw me in it again...didn't stay on for long , you know...

We have done some talking...every time I mention that he hasn't read what I've given him, he says that he will. I say when? I leave things for him to read when he gets home, now that he can be home before me...he hasn't read them...I am stepping it up a notch this weekend...I am going to insist that we read our EN answers this week, hopefully tonight...there is usually a kids show/movie on at 8 on Disney or Nick, so the kids can watch that to occupy themselves...I realize that I have to take the first step, and then just push him on it. I am keeping all this stuff inside which is not good...I think I'm getting to or am at the Anger Stage...I feel like I'm going backwards...

Other than that, no plans...just the usual stuff, but we do have to go to church on Sunday now that DS was missed last week...

Are you going to watch the Super Bowl? Does your H like sports? Mine does, but we will just watch at home to keep an eye on the score...I can't even remember who is playing..that's how interested I am...

Will check back again later before I leave for the weekend!

hey,i'm glad niether of us like sports.So we will be doing other things.I think my son might watch it in his room.I think one team is the steelers.

I really hope you do your talking.My H has read so of our stuff.I think the first few pages and maybe the last few pages.He will read it all.We talk about some of the things.It makes me feel good.I don't want to hid anything.

Over on the recovery forum there is a story on how to forgive.It's called forgivness by hopesalive.I printed it and read it with my H.It tells why and how to forgive.I only printed what she said.No responces.It's worth looking at.Theres another one one forgetting.I did'nt print this one.

Well i hope you have a great weekend.
talk to you Mon
#1mom

Hi numberone,

I read those two threads, forgiving and forgetting, but didn't print them out...I will check them out...next week...It's hard for me to print alot of stuff here...what I do is copy it into a Word or Outlook/email and then print. I think I'm going to start to do what you and your H have been doing, and that is reading this stuff together...it may work better for us. It seems to have done the trick for you guys.

You are right==the Steelers are one team.That's who my H wants to win. But the Giants and the Cowboys are his faves, so he doesn't really care.

I'll update you on Monday...Have a super weekend!

Calling Numberonemom and Harmonie,

Hope you gals had a good weekend. Numberonemom, did you get alot of snow today?? I saw on Weather Channel that the lake effect snow was sending about 2 ft your way. I hope everyone is okay.

Weekend had its ups and downs (par for the course). Dear H didn't go to that Be a better husband breakfast on Saturday, because he was too tired to get up. I understood, the alarm rang at 6 am and that was that. He also didn't go to church yesterday, but that was because he stayed home w/ sick baby who has an ear infection. I went w/ kids and only was able to stay for a little while, had to bring DD up to the nursery/play room, but she wouldn't let me leave...Anyway the service I saw was about how God loves you, no matter what your faults are...He sees a perfect person...I thought that was a good message...

Anyway, my H and I did talk a bit. We didn't get to the ENs but I peeked at his answers. I wasn't surprised at any of them really. He has a low need for conversation and I have a high need for it, which explains why I want to talk about everything and he doesn't.

We have agreed to do more talking of a positive nature (ie MB and working on the marriage) and less of talking about the past. We will talk about the past, but right now we are putting that on the backburner...And he has asked that when we do talk about it, we set a cutoff time so it doesn't go too far. I agreed.

So we are starting over on a new week and hope it is a good one. Hope you are both doing well....

Hello mama,

just thought i pop in and say hi.I had the 1 yr old today so its hard to get on the computer.

My day started off good.Right now i don't know.I've been thinking alot latley.Things like,i can't belive i am visiting a web site like this.Never in my whole life i'd imagined being somewhere like here.It's so sad.it's even sadder knowing there are thousands of people like me.No matter what we did or did not do in our M.We did not deserve this.I really don't know what is going on with me today.

I did have a great weekend.Hubbie was awsome.He got me a card a rose,and re did some syuff in the bathroom.You know rugs,shower curtain.It was a nice surprise.

So you are going to take a break from the past.Maybe you will never go back.If you get to far in the furture it might be hard to bring things up.I still think of things.I think it is good to set a cutoff time do the conversation don't get to heated.

As for snow it's coming.We could see up to a foot.I don't see it happening.Maybe five inches or so.

Ill ck back in a bit.Have to ck on the kiddies.
#1mom

Hi numberone,

Glad that you had a nice weekend. .What a nice surprise your H gave you! That is AWESOME!!

I know what you mean about thinking why am I on this website, but don't give into it. That will just get you into a depression, I know, I am guilty of doing this...Still do. Try to think of the positive things that have happened in your M since the A...think of how this changed your H into the man he is now...it sounds to me like he is a perfect husband...

We are not getting any snow...the kids would love some, we haven't had any since Xmas.

We haven't really taken a break from the past as much as just not discussing it right now...With the job and his commute, we don't have that much time at night...not enough to get into a long talk that will get heated, as you say. Better to move forward and work on our M and be positive so that we can meet each others' ENs, than to spend it being upset and sad and angry...

Well I gotta go but I will check in tomorrow. Have a good night!

Hey numberonemom,

What have you been up to? Did you get hit with alot of snow?
Are you still getting your stickers?

I'm okay...I've been doing alot of reading here and a lot of thinking...Starting to realize that I need to keep working on myself instead of expecting him to be the husband I want him to be automatically.. I feel like I am doing alot of the work but I guess that is just the way it goes when you are the BS.

Have you thought anymore about Valentine's Day? My H actually mentioned it last night which is remarkable that he is planning in advance. Well, he is going to buy me "something' sexy...I'm looking forward to it...What I really want is a heartfelt card...

There is a thread I have been on called "how could a WS cheat if they loved their spouse" or something like that...it is a good one...I posted a couple things because some WS were on talking about Sex and I asked how could it just be sex...it was very enlightening to me...you should read it, especially answers to my post from Schoolbus...her timeframe was 2 mos and her situation seems similar to yours. Her H is really similar to my H thinking of 'just one more time" kind of thinking...this thread has helped me to get some of the sex issues resolved in my head...I think it may help you too..

Well, my DS is sick with a fever today...poor kid...he is missing gym, his favorite.

I just wanted to check in with you and see how you are..Oh, have you read the book The Five Love Languages? I see it suggested here alot...I think I will try to get a copy.

Will check back later.

Hello Mamafish,


I'm getting those stickers here and there.I think i lost only two so far this month.As for snow not as much as expected.Only a few inches.

Other than that i have been good.My H has been great.Last night we went to make love and IT poped in my head and would'nt leave> he senced it and we stopped.He was so loving.Not soon after we were able to try again and it was awsome.I can't wait till V-day.My H has been making me gifts for a while.He is now working on a clock.For x-mas he drew me a hugh picture of beauty and the beast.He put our picture in the bottom corner.It was the pic from when we went to see the play.He started drawing soon after his A ending let me tell you you would think he has been drawing for yrs.

I did touch on that web site.I think cheating has nothing to do with loving your spouse.Like my H said i think at on point He said i never stopped loving you i forgot for a while.This did'nt make things easier.It was that whole not knowing how to talk to one another.Like the thread says,alot has to do with sex and someone else wanting to give it to them so badly.Making them think they were god.

So i take it your not getting anywhere with MB.I'm sorry.Maybe there is another way.You have to remember i really did'nt use it.Yeah here and there i have him read stuff or share stuff that i read.I think everyone is different.I come here to help me understand.To see that i'm not alone.The stuff here really did'nt help us.We loved each other and did'nt know how much until it was almost to late for us.We know what we have to do.I'm not saying this web site did'nt help because it did.Well actully quite a few people here helped me.

Your son likes gym.So does mine.Hopefully he will get better soon.

I never heard of that book.

I will be back
#1mom