I've been married almost 10 years and the first 2 years were bliss. Then I began to find out secrets and other deceptive things about my husband that he never told me about. I know that depositing Love units are important, but what do I do when at times just his prescence and his insecurities just remove the Love Units? I try so hard not to allow myself to dwell on these things, but It's very difficult when they're in your face on a daily basis. I've endured so much yet have hung in there because I've always believed that God could work it out and also because we have 7 year old boy who loves both of us dearly and I wouldn't want to break his heart if I left or seperated or divorced his dad. I don't know what to do, but I am so unhappy in this marriage. Just thinking about how my life was as a single person and how I've endured such pain these last 7 years of marriage makes me sad. I pray and ask God to help me and He does, but I'm not sure how much I can endure and how much longer I can last being so unhappy. I try to hang in there mainly for our little boy, but it gets increasingly more difficult. Any ideas or suggestions?

God Bless,

Freckles1234

What good things are you contributing to your marriage?

What good things do I contribute? Well, do I have the time to list everything! I am a good wife even though his only complaint is sex, & wanting me to wear tight-fitting clothes. I am a great mom, I cook, clean, wash, educate our 7 year old son & take him to his activities, I'm very involved in his school activities, I'm the bookkeeper who makes sure that all bills are paid and did I also mention that I work at home to help out with the family finances...which needs help. And when am I suppose to find time for myself to relax, and get rejuvenated? That's the million dollar question. So what good things do I contribute to the marriage....well there you have it.

GREAT!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What good things does your H contribute to the marriage?

What types of secrets/deception? Is he aware that you have uncovered these? Have you two discussed them or are they lurking beneath the surface, building resentments?

Have you sat down with your H & had a serious conversation about your feelings?? The reason I bring this up is b/c I never knew my H's feelings/unhappiness until after I discovered his A. His way of trying to get my attention & "talking" to be was by making rude comments, etc.

Here's what I wanted to hear: "Kim, I love you very much but there are some serious issues with our relationship right now. You don't seem happy and I have not been happy. I miss the time we used to have together before DS was born. I miss the conversation & yes, I miss the SF. Is there something going on with you that makes you not want to have SF with me?"

Do you feel like you are in danger of getting your EN's met elsewhere?

Kim

Freckles,

It almost appears as if you have been ignoring or wanting to not know about his 'secret and deceptive actions'. Why are you still reluctant to talk about them, even anonymously on this forum?

I imagine these things have been eating away at you for years? My wife was the same way. There was behaviours I had or events that had happened years ago that she was still holding and hurting inside her.

When we finally talked and she revealed all her worries about me, she realized how much some things were overexaggerated in her mind over the years. She also was able to hear my side of the story, and she felt much better about many issues we'd had. I'm not saying this will be the case for you (necessarily), but you need to talk to each other directly about your worries.

My wife and I both had that uncomfortable feeling you are describing when we were around each other. There was just so much resentment and lack of communication that it was overwhelming. Once we learned to start communicating and be honest about what worried us, we became friends again.