Can I sign up for the following seminars?


...just Nr. 20. LOL. H thinks that I and his daughters use the stuff to light the fireplace. You do realize, don't you that we need to wipe, not just shake, more than once a day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

now THAT is funny .... and oh-so-not-true ....

I used to watch pat Boone on TV in the 50s .... does that help? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

ADD ON ~~~> I fell in love with Pat when I saw Journey To The Center Of The Earth

You mean there is a connection???

bwahahahaaaa

There is a connection????

No wonder I'm always late!

Words Women Use

Study this and know it!

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.


FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.


NOTHING

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'.


GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".


GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.


LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".


SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.


THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".


GO AHEAD.

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.


PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."


THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.


THANKS A LOT

This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


(Still learning to communicate with my W....)

That ain't nothin'

2 weeks ago, when I bought some bookcases for my W's home office, the antique store where I bought them had this 4' high, 6-8' long fiberglass Velociraptor. I've been trying 2 get the guy 2 sell it since. Be perfect for the yard! He has it on a stand with wheels and rolls it out in front of the store during business hours.

When I realized he probably won't sell, I did an internet search, including ebay, for full-scale models of dinosaurs. They're so uncommon (and expensive) that I decided they must be extinct or something.

-ol' 2long

Pep
I fell in love with Pat Boone when he sang April Love. If my daughter saw that same movie today her response would be...Hey, he's gay why is he singing to that girl. My, my how things change...sadly so.

2L

There is that Toyota dealership just off the 101/134 interchange that has a HUGE inflated dinosaur on the roof .... let's go "liberate" dino <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Whenever we pass that place, Mr Pep sez, "Can I have one?"

ummmmmmmmm ..... NO!

Whenever I cooked something new for dinner or for that fact any dinner I cooked, I would ask my stbx about the meal. He would say in his passive/aggressive way, "it's okay." Which translated means I think I'm going to puke. (Now that he's gone from my life, he tells everyone how I'm the best cook in the world.)

I recently went to the er with a kidney stone the size of Mount Rushmore. I asked the doctor a question and his reply was "It's okay." My brain heard, "Call the mortuary."

Funny how powerful words are....

ManInMotion,

Thanks for all the laughs. I really needed this today. And it wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so TRUE!

(Seeing you're an HD fan, I thought this might be appropriate...!)

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?"

God says, "Ah, yes."

"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws
in your invention:

1. there's too much front end protrusion

2. it chatters at high speeds

3. the rear end wobbles too much, and

4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on."

God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I'll pit his Godzilla room against my H's fishing room anyday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My H has one entire room in this house devoted to fishing and all his gear. Every wall has not only a mounted fish but a school of them! Walls, floor space and CEILING has racks of rods and reels (too many to count) set up, ready to go at a moments notice. Desk and shelves are packed and stacked with tackle boxes containing every lure, hook, sinker and rubber worm ever created.

And what does he want for Christmas or birthdays??

"Just fishing stuff, Honey."

Like there's room for any more???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Nerly .... you "win" (cough cough) first "prize" for male decorating achievement hall of fame

Nerly, are the mounted fish those he has caught himself, or are they the battery operated, singing and tail wagging fakes from HSN? If the former, and not the latter, you have your answer on what to buy him for the next special occasion.

One of my cousins had TWO of the battery operated ones hung up in their dining room.

Just came across this link off my msn homepage that may be of interest to you ladies <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> as you bash us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I liked number 2 - "I wasn't looking at her 8008's"

I have never told that lie....however, only do the fact that I have primarily relied on the line:

"What...I thought I knew her".

when very occasionally I am caught/busted "naturally" observing another woman by my wife.

BTW, I find as I get older or more mature "woman watching" is becoming less of sport for me. In my younger days I always wondered why my father never really seemed to do it when I just did it habitually. I know being on MB has also made me more aware of the damage ANY distraction from my wife can be. So the instinct to notice will always be there but the choice to think about it and/or linger can be controlled (or just otherwise ignored). So I guess you could say men's ability to "ignore" things can be put to proper use.

Anyway, here is the link --- > [color:"blue"] Top 10 Lies of Happy Husbands [/color]

Mr. Wondering