I've been reading Alison's post, how difficult and sad! But in particular, I was interested in your story. You said your H had multiple affairs? Have you recovered or divorced? Also, I'm very interested in how to set up a keylogger. I've heard of it, but not sure how to do it. Please help! My situation is somewhat similiar to yours and would like to discuss it with you, just not when he's home.

Keylogger info... anyone???

Search it on the web. There are many programs available.

I was wanting to talk to mojodiva mainly about her H having multiple affairs. Were they able to work through it and eventually have a strong marraige? I'm sure there are others that have been through this that I would love to hear from. Because the feeling I get from Pepperband and a few others is that if there was more than one affair, than that person is a serial cheater with no hope of changing. My husband had multiple affairs on his ex-wife, and then an EA on the internet with me. We are going to counseling and he seems to be very sincere in making our marraige better. I would like to talk about this with someone who's been through something similiar.

Hi Sutherlandgirl!
The wonderful ladies of MB let me know you were looking for me.

My husband and are were indeed able to build a new marriage. Upstairs our new six month old son is taking a late nap.

We did have a false recovery-- I made the mistake of thinking we could do everything ourselves and didn't want to 'push' him into counseling. We're military and he was able to use the excuse that he didnt want his command to find out we were having problems. I wasn't in a position yet to feel powerful enough to force the issue so I caved. His command ended up finding out anyway-- while I was away at school (hubby's idea) he was caught by our then 15 year old kissing the babysitter that would have been spending the nights with the kids while my husband had duty. All he77 broke loose, my sister called the command worried about the two of them fighting, and cops showed up. I had done so much to protect his reputation and he blew it because of a pregnant, desperate young lady made him feel good about himself. UGH.

That was my last Dday-- getting a phone call in the middle of the night (he was overseas with the kids) and hearing "Sweetie, I have bad news. Our son caught me kissing another woman." Yeah, he dared call me sweetie. BAH!

That was October 8, 2003. If you go to Marriage Builders Ladies forum at http://www.san-andreas.com/mbladies/board/viewforum.php?f=1 you can even read the original threads where I went for help when everything happened. Register there, its for women only. MB Vets are there.

What sounds good for you and your husband is that you are in counseling already and that he seems sincere. Has he given you complete access to his accounts and all passwords? Is he accountable for his time and whereabouts? Do you have access to phone bills, credit cards, bank accounts?

My husband did all of this. At first it really bothered him, so he'd complain a bit and then come to me later and say he understood why. He was earning trust back. Two years into our recovery now and he give me information without me even THINKING about it. He calls me daily and checks in. (A funny aside: he used to annoy the heck out of me with all his calls at first- then I realized he was also anxious and was just trying to reconnect).

I will have to say you have quite a road ahead of yourself. You were the OW in an EA he had during his marriage, correct? I think both of you will have to work VERY hard to learn to trust each other. You know the saying, "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."

Get your husband involved in MB. Get him to read everything, take the emotional needs exercise, and really, really be honest with each other about your fears.

YES- a serial cheater CAN change his spots. HOWEVER- they do bear extra watching and support to fight this flaw in their character. I do not even pretend that my husband is perfect and that its easy. Its not a nice, easy life I lead.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I so needed to hear everything you had to say, the support but also the warnings. I know it's a long road ahead of us.. but I'm becoming more and more hopeful. I have access to everything but one email account. He doesn't use it often but I would still like the password. I'm going to try and bring that up at counseling this week. I would just feel so much more secure. If he balks at this at all, I'm going to get the keylogger thing. I'm trusting him a little bit but still feel as if I'm in "stealth" mode. I think it will take quite a while before I stop being very vigilant where my marriage is concerned. Other than that email account, there are no remaining red flags. During the couple of months that he was flirting on the net, there was also a lot of unaccounted for time. An errand that should take an hour would take 3.. phone calls he would take out on the deck to talk.. fights late at night that he would initiate almost so he could walk out for a few hours. But now nothing.. we moved to a whole new area (his suggestion, maybe to help with NC), no more cell phones, no unaccounted for time at all, ever. I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, since domestic support is one of his highest EN's. Also conversation and recreation are high for him. He took a job driving truck at night because it pays more. He leaves for work 10 minutes before his shift starts and returns home just as quickly after work. (I check) That way he is home with me all day long. We hang out together, work on the house and yard together, go to the gym together, shop together.. you get the idea. And one of the biggest reasons he wanted to be home during the day is so that when the baby is born, he can be with him or her more. The one email account does worry me a little, but he doesn't even use it much. I guess we'll see what he says to the counselor about it. Thanks again soooooo much, talk to you in the next few days hopefully... enjoy the game! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You can contact me via mojodiva99@yahoo.com .

This last week on MB had me in a not so gracious mood towards WS's and I allowed it to get me extremely irritated this week and my husband and oldest children asked me to stop posting here. =) Let's just say when I start asking hubby when he's going to replace me with a newer model its not a good thing. heh.

I will also be al MB Ladies forum, though, sicne its not as volatile as this place for me.

Take care of yourself and never be afraid to speak your mind. Just make sure you say it nicely. =)