see other thread i started...last one.

too exhausted anymore to think, cut , or paste.

Oh Peachy,

I just wish I could give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on. This has been such a rough week for you. The triggers , bf and all.

I sure wish I had the words to say to make you feel better. You have been here for me so many times to help me through a breakdown.

I just want to let you know I am here for you to vent or rant whatever you need to do.... I love ya girl and I just want you to be happy..

I would be wary of Darth though, he knows your vunirable and may try to take advantage.... So keep your eyes open...

(((( Peachy)))))) I know its not the same as a real hug but it means as much......


Hurting

Peachy,

How are ya doing today????? Lets us know ....


Hurting

work went well...ds is home...am sooo happy about that.

got biggest compliment ever today...one of the main partners in the large practice that we work with called me off into room where they were entertaining the new docs they hired (eight docs)...huge group btw...he said "dr. c, I'd like you to meet peach. she's the pointguard in such and such specialty. she knows specialty inside and out and will be going to practicioner school so we're really excited"...I said "uh dr. b, I am NOT yet in the school as the first year for the specialty does not start until 07, but thank you for the nicest words ever...I am going to corner where I shall turn twenty shades of red <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

guess that means the docs like me huh? had to go way out of his way to introduce me to the new ones...and he said it to all standing around. so I feel kinda honored by that...dr. b, is imho, one of the sharpest clinicians ever...and he and the chief are both in my corner..so that's good.

that kinda made up for the low esteem thing.

but it's still tanking out...the personal life that is.

darth called today. and he spoke about houses..he said he can't help me out until spring (which is 2 mos. away)...but he is wanting and willing to...so that is borderline decent of him...then again the man owes me so much more than a downpayment..hundreds of thousands more.

and I am not looking at big homes either. small ones but very nicely finished out. near hospital and ds' school...but I am not picking anything out that terribly close to darth...he just wants me to. and he's picked out where he wants me to live....might I add? I said that was not part of our deal. he said he'll still try to sell me on it. I am not buying.

getting ready to go to gym with ds. am sticking to diet. can see a little teeny bit of improvement.

prodigal bf did not call today after his declarations of love followed by spinning blame last night. any wonder? I am soooo sick of him I can't see straight.

I think I am just feeling overwhelmed....by work, by prodigal bf's lack of caring and support of me, by carrying burdens of being mom, breadwinner, housekeeper and cook. alone. and sad too.

Hurting thank you sweetie for the cyberhugs...love ya girl.

and yes, even the positive get down sometimes.

and I am there...dumpsville population one...me!

I just can't understand why somebody could profess to love somebody else...say and make me believe all he did..then continue doing things every once in a while that are so counter to all he has said?

trust has been hard for me to get...I still don't have it. but I can for sure trust my family, coworkers, and friends. Just not men right now. I'd like to though.

I am just so hurt about prodigal...he keeps on the saying one thing but actions showing somebody else to me.

coworkers today did implore me to put online profile back up. I have learned men just don't view things as we do...they do more unromantically. director: peach..the guy is a ahole. just turn his volume down, don't hear the blah blah blah's and see what the man does...and he doesn't do much. fire him. collin: peach, you're young and pretty. I'd have so much fun if I were you..but my morality might become a bit challenged. cut your losses. and this guy is NOT watching football all the time..he's doing something or somebody else. director: well peach that settles it. the "for sale" sign goes back up in your yard of life!

and that's how the guys I work with think. and then dr. b came in..heard it..said "wow. that guy is a complete arsehole. what's he got that's so special? three legs (guys laugh)? Why don't YOU make a date with him...really lead him on...and then STAND HIM UP...that's what he needs. cut him off like when I switched from cable to the dish. and since you're not taking weekend call..go where the men are..go to thrashers' games..go to sports games...WATCH THE FOOTBALL and the stuff where the guys are. It's not like a guy's gonna ring your doorbell and be standing there with roses and diamonds...well not yet anyway..and I can't b/c I am married..so that means we're saying you're on your own and you gotta get out there. unless you want the life of a nun forever." director: "small touch of clevage is important. and wear makeup. you don't wear it at work. but you look nice when you do. not that you don't look nice, but you should."

Then the men all talked about what clothes they like on women...what could catch their eye...several common themes. Nice fitting sweater..not too tight..not too loose. not plunging neckline, but a little teeny bit of being able to see she's got a nice shape. they like women who wear dressier clothes incidentally. Nice skirts they say...at knee. and they like women wearing nice shoes. basically either the guys I work with are in the dark ages...or else the professional guys go for a different look than darth does...(darth as of late does post-stripper trophy wife glam)..so I will try more of the professional look.

they then talked me into taking ds to a thrasher's game friday night. said I should take him to a family sports pub near the arena. said I should wear nice pants, boots with heels, and a nice sweater and my black leather jacket...yea, straight men are picking out what I should wear to attract other men. and of course...wear makeup...they so reminded me of how they couldn't believe what othes thought about me at the conferences/drug dinners when I'd dress up.

so I feel wierd now. maybe the guys are right? I have been hibernating and cocooning with my ds and not even trying to mix family fun with getting a life.

am just so sad and down. I waited six months. six months I could have been single more and out more...out there...as the guys say..with my for sale sign in the yard of life.

It's obvious this is a tough time for you. Unfortunately you are beginning to find out that no one is perfect including your ex-bf and husband and it can be very lonely and tiresome especially around the holidays bearing the brunt of daily responsibilities with work, your son, your ex, etc.

I can only comment that I had my share of the dating world last summer into fall. At the time, we were separated and had filed for D and I had no inclination to work on my marriage any longer after Plan A'ing my butt off. I had finally given up and began to focus on me. Yes, I was lonely and still extremely hurt and ANGRY from my wife's betrayal.. I began meeting a few women and found out very quickly how lonely the single world can be and actually how much work it took to stay, look and ACT attractive. I say ACT because that is really what it was, putting on the big show to attract someone and not let your guard down. I mean, I had not dated in nearly 14 years so it was all knew, somewhat fun at first but quickly grew old. I did meet alot people but realized no one is perfect including me. My marriage had suffered a huge amount of neglect on both of our parts and I finally began to see through the fog of hate and anger to begin speaking once more with my wife. Okay, this also cooincided with the holidays and we both were very cautious but began to warm up to each other once again. Here we are still together after cancelling the big D last December but still we both have alot of work ahead. However, times really are great and we are rebuilding us once again, friends first and foremost. I can trust her again and she has opened her heart up to me as well after years of building a wall between us that I really did not see. Where it all ends up, no one really knows but I am taking it one day at a time. That's all I can do, I left it in God's hands after all of my prayers for forgiveness and healing.

I also suggest you take it slow this time around. Spend time by yourself, read a good book or two, get to the gym and lose the weight you desire. It is a new year, set some goals now that you can achieve. My previous post to you indicated to get your profile back up because this guy you are with is not the guy for you and I think you knew that then. Take action now, get YOUR PLAN together for you, only you can make you happy, no one else. Sure, go out, HAVE FUN, laugh and don't get so caught up in what other people think you should do for you.

In other words, get busy, learn something knew, and grow closer to God, ultimately you are in his plans if you do not know this already. I would also be very careful of Darth, you seem to be very excited by his actions. I honestly do not know how you can still talk to him like you do but only you can set your boundaries and know where they lie.

Best of luck.

Nature

Hello JustPeachy!

It seems the problem is that you are looking for someone, anyone, so you won't have to be alone.

Why on earth are you talking to Darth? The best that could happen is nothing. The worst that could happen is a reconciliation. You need him like a moose needs a hatrack.

Same goes for prodigal bf. (I admit I didn't read the whole story on the other thread. It seems like it's causing too much grief too early in the relationship. The courtship part is supposed to be fun, not headaches.)

Why not just hang out with groups of people for awhile? Have you ever done that before in your life?

Take up painting, or weight-lifting. Read about great ladies who spent their lives alone, or almost alone -- Hildegarde of Bingen, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir. Be strong in yourself.

Give yourself time to attract something better, rather than forcing yourself to imagine what you have already attracted is better than it is.

thanks folks...

and yes! i am a member of two huge clubs...both of which I served as executive officers of..one of my state med convention where I have great friends (exept that I am only single person almost)...and was officer in huge political group here in atl...was secretary..almost everybody in that group is single and I am the only mom...incidentally.

I feel like I don't fit in a whole lot. do i have tons of friends? sure. I have been solo and happy for 3 years.

I only spoke to darth b/c he happened to phone and I was already in tears...he just happened to hit me at a vulernable moment...and unlike the last 3 years..he was nice.

no, I don't get excited about anything that man does. he is not my responsibility...however....HE OWES ME TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS...the courts could never locate. should he help me with real estate? if he's going to help..then sure..he needs to finally step up to plate.

as for me. I don't speak to him much. I work too hard and am too happy being mom to my ds.

AM love the analogy of "moose w/a hatrack"...sure don't need the past back. I am fine alone.

and yes, while Indira ghandi is somebody I admire...I have gotten a bit tired of the single life my dear. I wear so many hats and AM EXPECTED TO WEAR THEM QUITE WELL...

today at work we were so busy I did not stop for 10 minutes..no break..no lunch..nothing. just exhaustion.

and the bf is a dud. I am sick of him. no call today either...but did he receive a call from me? HEck NO!

nature, glad 2 see you and the ww are back together. some people can reconcile...but not darth and I. alas, he's married and I am not about to consider a still ws who is probably fifty percent nonrepentant.

not at all.

and the profile is back up. I swear...now I almost see it as more work.

what's with me?

I am perpetually tired. burned out.

yea, I hit nail on head...

I AM BURNED OUT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />