I did post in PLAN A but I think this place would be better. I am a BS with a WH that came to me saying he has feeling for one of my friends. But he still loves me too. In the next few days it came out when he left he was trying to see if he missed me and did not. He says he does not love me like that anymore... that we should be on a break.
I must admit that I have been in a depression for some time now bt have not dealt with it. I was the taker and he was the give. I am dealing woth it after all this has come out. I call it the emotional slap. I guess I needed it. He says he tried to talk to me about the problem before but I snaped or he suger coated it. H being in the military it has been hard because OW is married and she told her H and he got order for my husband for NC. I am now in limbo. I can't help being part blame for hom being gone. I don't blame myself for the EA but maybe the push. He had someone else there to listen. I don't know how to act around him if he calls or drops in. I will be reading the books but feelings are hard.

D-day Dec 17
2girls 5and 9

Ok -first get into IC. Second read everything here. 3rd -more info -how longM, any children. 4th collect all in fo on A that you can get your hands on. 5th do you know who the OW is?

I will be reading but I don't know what IC is. I have been M 6 and a half years have known H for 13 years. 1 D9 from sperm donor before M and 1D5 after. EA started begining of Dec 05. She was a friend I new for only 4 months. Our D's were school friends. He went out of his way to start talking to her. She said on D-Day she loves him to and wanted to crawl under a rock. OW is M H is over seas in the war. OW has 4D's all under 5years. He just kept saying things were going so fast and that they have so much incommon.

This is what I had posted somewhere else


I am just going to jump right in. My WH came to me on a day 2 weeks ago stating he has been out with one of my married friends and has been kissing her and has feelings for her. Same night I asked her if she has feelings for him too. The word love did not even come into my head because I never imagined that he could love someone else.
When I found that he had told her he loved her I in shock for a few hours. When I found out that she was at my house during my shock I got very heated. I went home and found them eyeing each other and I slapped him. (I have never in my life done such a thing and that is tearing me up now) I was delivered at note saying things like we have never had sparks. We were like brother and sister. That he has tried to make me happy for years. And true love should not be like this. He says he will always Love me but I am not his true love. He says he is trying to also talk his way out of loving the OMW.

He spent a few nights away and he then came home sleep on the couch for a 2 girls Christmas eve. Christmas eve he was reading email from her. I tried not to get made but I wanted to read the email. He had sent me the first one she had sent to him. He says they have so much incommon and we don't any more. He has been staying at a friends house and when I last heard he has not seen her not because he doesn't want to but her WH said back off they are having there own problems and she latched onto him.

I must put out right now that the day after this I came out of shock and realized there have been some BIG issues that I and we have not talked about in a very long time. I must say I was the taker in this relationship and he has gotten tired. The last time we talked in detail was the day before new years and he said that he was just to comfortable in are relationship and he no longer loves methe way he used to. I just said I had hope and I belived that he did not love me becuse I don't think I could love the person I was. I remained calm thoughout all this and he noticed that. I have been depresses and not living emotional in this realationship for sometime and all of the has been a emotional slap. If I had one thing positive to say in all this is I feel I love him more now because he told me all his issues with me.

I have been reading on plan A but I just don't know if his will ever be ready or if I have that faults hope. I will hold on but I have to see the other woman because of our kids and that hurts every day. My WH has been very casual if I see him. I don't call he but he says I can if he the girls need to.

I am trying to take it day to day but it is so hard. I wake up a know he is not there. I try and keep the negative thoughts out because I a surpossed to be working on my selfesteem. I knew I needed to make changes and I tls him I was doing them for me I must be honest I am doing them for a small percentage for him.

It is this time I am stuck I don't know what to do? I don't want to push him but I am afraid that he might be getting comfortable in the singles life. It has been 2 1/2 week since he has left. The waiting is hurting.

mhwag,

I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but please know that in your situation this is a good place to be and you will find help and hope here.

First of all, read everything you can on this site. Read the books Surviving an Affair (SAA) and His Needs, Her Needs (HNHN). People here on this site use a lot of acronyms (abbreviations) and they are not always easy to understand, especially if English is not your mother tongue. There is a place somewhere on this site where you can look up the abbrieviations, but otherwise, don't be afraid to ask!

I'm glad you found this site so early on after discovery of your husband's affair. What your husband is saying is standard stuff. Nealy all unfaithful spouses say the very same things, no matter what the particular situation is. Try not to take it to much to heart.

That your husband's affair is a wake up call for you is significant. You can't do anything about his behaviour, but you can about yours. This is the core of Plan A. Plan A is about self improvement. It is about making changes in yourself and your way of communicating. It is about showing your H that you can and you are willing to meet his needs. It is about avoiding what is called Love Busters (LBs). Read up on this site about Love Busters. Please read the link in my signature for more information about Plan A.

Some of the Harley books have been translated in other languages. Take a look on Amazon, if you are interested.

Thank you Lost. I am an American in Europe. I to am glad that I found this site. I will be reading as soon as I get the books. I guess I need to get the HNHN book. It os really hard working on myself somedays but I just wake up each morning and give my brain a slap and say get on with it.