I posted my story yesterday. I am about 4 weeks from dday, and things only seem to be getting worse. I think initially, WH was in denial about how strongly he felt about OW. He was acting ok, saying he could have NC. But then he says about a week or two out, OW emailed him (I caught him in lies about this or he probably wouldn't have admitted). He said "things inside him were just building up" and he needed to "see if she was ok." (He also admitted they both professed their love to one another in these emails.) I was so mad at myself for being duped again. I honestly believed him - how naieve is that?!

Anyway, since that whole confrontation, he agreed to NC (but "doesn't know" if he can write a NC letter). The reason I believe him again this time that he hasn't had any contact (perhaps naieve yet again on my part) is because he is totally and utterly depressed. He got very drunk last night and said some really hurtful things like "I am willing to sacrifice everything for our son, everthing." "I feel like I am dying inside, I don't know how much more of this I can take." "Do you want me to leave?" etc. He also avoided answering when I asked if he was planning on leaving me. He got out of bed, started packing his bags to go to his friend's house, went to check the computer, and finally went back to bed.

This morning, he of course apologized and couldn't remember most of this ever happening. He said he didn't remember saying those things and that I should not believe what he said in an intoxicated state. His family has addicts in it. His mother is a recovered alcoholic and he has other close family members that are still raging alcoholics. I am worried that he is going to trade one problem (infidelity) for another (alcoholism). He also has only recently admitted how much he has been drinking in recent months, which is a lot. He gets very upset when I mention his family history and feels I am juding him. Which I am not. I am just scared and I never invisioned my life like this. I want to help him and our family, but I keep going back and forth between total anger and hopelessness and feeling compassion and forgiveness. It just hurts so bad to see how badly he is hurting and know that it is because he is missing her so terribly. How am I supposed to deal with that?

Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

It is normal for him to go through withdrawal from the OW. It is completely miserable for him.

Why does he say he doesn't want to write a no contact letter?

Hi believer, thanks for your reply. He won't come out and say why he doesn't want to write a no contact letter, but I am pretty sure it's because he doesn't want to hurt her. He says that I'm not the only person he's hurting in this situation. I understand that, but told him he eventually needs to put his allegiance with me and she needs to know that.

Don't take his anger and hurtful comments too seriously while he goes through withdrawals, it's normal. My wife told me the OM would make all her dreams come true, but she was staying with me because of our family.

Well, a few months later and I am the love of her life again. If he can maintain the NC and you are in plan A, he will come to love you like you want. It will take a while though.

Everytime he has contact with her it starts over again, though. He didn't want to 'see if she was ok'. He was unable to control his withdrawal and needed to get a fix.

I'm a believer in plan a, but also giving the WS a punishment for every time they have contact. Every time my wife contacted the OM, I'd let her mother know. After three times of the same thing, she stuck to the NC.

good luck