That is a good idea, however he would know it was fishy to beign with because I never go to spend the night at my parents house, or anywhere else for that matter. I also never go out with friends for the night. I am always home with the kids, so anything I decided to throw in now would be really odd.

He stopped charging things on our personal CC and just started to use only the Co. CC, and then started taking cash out of the ATM as opposed to the way he used to just pay for everything on a debit card. The other day he went to the gas station and bought something like a pop or whatever and then got $50 cash back. So I see the charge on our bank statement for $52.47 or whatever as if he got gas or whatever, BUT we dont pay for gas for his car, the company always does so gas is always on the co. CC. So he just did that to get cash, and I would guess to try and throw me off from just taking it out of the atm.

Another example: He bought me some lotions and such for part of my holiday present this year. Then a few days later the charge comes thru on the bank statement (which I view online daily) its for $133 i was like ummm WH $133 for lotion are you crazy???? he said oh well yours wasnt that much, but you see I had to buy some lotion for Mike's client as a little gift for her, and then I went and bought you that necklace and put that on the co. CC to make up the difference of what I spent for the lotion.

First off who buys lotion for a client, isnt that just downright weird!! And thats the 2nd employee that he told me wanted to buy lotion for their clients. Such a liar. They spend a small fortune to get these personalized 10# bars of choclate to send to all the customers/vendors every year...i can understand you have one or two or so that cant eat chocolate, so you send lotion??? LOL NO!!!! you send fruit or flowers or cookies, not lotion!!

Whatever, its insulting that he thinks I am that dumb.

Heidi...

He doesn't think that you are dumb...WSes live in La La land, and say and do the dumbest things ever!!! To them, every single thing that they say and do seems perfectly logical...???

I think that Mr. Wondering's idea about going to your parents is a good one...hey, your H is doing things differently, why can't you? Besides, you're pregnant, you have a good "excuse" for doing things out of the ordinary. He will be delighted that he can "play" without worry...Remember, WSes don't think logically...use it to your advantage.

Mrs. Wondering

Have you gone to the new affairbusters forum to see if there is anyone in your area that your H doesn't know who could do the surveillance for you? It may be worth a try. I always wished I had someone who would have trailed my H for me during his A.

Yeah,

and while your add it stop and buy some gas and get yourself $50 cash too. Not to mention, your husband already indicated that he is thinking of divorce, since you have no cash put the retainer on your joint credit card too before he cancels the thing. You don't back down when he gets irate at you for hiring an attorney, you just say you've got a 2.97 kids and yourself to look out for and you'd be a fool not to seek legal representation (do this after you bust him).

Mr. Wondering

Yeah absolutely, they are bringing a digital camera. If this doesnt work tonight I think I might have to hire a PI. My parents are going to come up to my house really early on thursday, the day his dad is not at the office and the day he goes into the office really late, the day he is with OW taking her to breakfast before work, and see if they can get any pics...although I dunno, I might just have to tap into some of the money I have been able to stash and hire a PI, because I dont want him to catch me at anything again.

And as for his parents. I hope they dont know too, because I would be utterly disgusted with them as well if I found out that they knew this whole time. That would make them just as bad, maybe worse. Yeah for sure worse, there are explanations for the way he is acting, albeit horrible in its own right. If they knew and didnt do anything to try and preserve our family, there is just no excuse. His parents are very religious and very dedicated to family. The are integral parts of the temple we belong to and are close personal friends with the Rabbi and his wife.

Im going to stick with the idea of them not knowing a thing at the moment if for no other reason than my sanity just cant take anymore right now.

Thank you again and again and again.

I already checked and no one in Chicago has posted availabilty HOWEVER I think it was Hopethisworks or Hopefull4future that posted on the AB thread about Chicago and I asked him to come over to Heidi's thread. Maybe Heidi can go to his thread and ask for help as it an anonymous person can get a lot closer than Heidi's dad and brother.

Mr. W

No I have not looked at that site, thank you I will look into that.

yes I certainly will get legal representation once I can prove something, right now it is kinda my word against his.
I tried to imply to his mother that she should go examine the co. CC bill because WH didnt want her and father to be looking so closely at the bills to see what he has been charging.

I know he came home one day pissed off mood because his dad chewed him out for something, but he would not tell me what. I presumed it was for the CC but he wouldnt say. It would be nice if I could see the CC bill, because I could coordinate purchases he is making to my journal and sync things up and that would be good. But I dont know if MIL/FIL looked at bill or not, since WH and OW have been paying all the bills at the office, its easy for them to hide it from FIL.

And yes I have been grabbing $50 here and there as I go to the grocery store and such.

Anyone know what a PI costs?

Ill see if I can figure out which one it was, ill go look at that thread, I think there was maybe 2 ppl that were in my area.

That would be great!!

Hopefully I can find them
Thanks

heidi, hopefully your father and brother can get the goods, but I strongly suspect that he might be "visiting" the OW in the morning, which would explain his late arrival at work. Could he be going to her trailer or would he might be renting a hotel room? Maybe they meet at the office very early and THEN he goes to work out? Either way, I would suggest that they follow him first thing in the AM.

I betcha a PI could bust your H in about one day if he followed him in the AM.

Secondly, I would get online and tap into his comp CC and see what he is doing. He is probably using that CC.

Do you want a keylogger? Do you want some help with that? If so, just email me at the link in my signature.

Also, have you tracked down the OW's H? What about calling his parents to see if you can get in touch with him?

Thank you Melody, yes that is what I suspect as well. I do think that he is spending time with her in the morning, she may even have a membership at the gym too for all I know. He says it takes him 15 min to get to the vicinity of her home, so pretty much he can just lie about where he is and go there whenever.

He has also made snide comments to me about "you dont see any hotel charges on the bank statement do you???" but of course I dont becuase he would put that on the Co. CC which he knows I cant see. My H is (or maybe I should say was) the type of guy that would want to spoil you. So I imagine if he was going to try and do something decadent for her to show her something wonderful from the trailer and air mattress she is used to living with, he would for sure take her to a hotel. But I also know that he has gone up to a restaurant that is right by her trailer park. The night he said he was at the movie with his fathers "guy nite out group" he said he left early to go for a drive but then I found the receipt for that restaurant.

The key logger thing, yes more info would be great...ill send you and email.

Any help and support is so very appreciated, and I cant express enough how wonderful and touching it is to be able to have this at this incredibly difficult time in my life. Thank you all many times and again.

Ahhh yes the OW H.... I dont know how helpful he would be at all. No I have not tried to make contact with him, although I am trying to get a phone # for him at the very least. They no longer live together, and have already filed for divorce within the last few weeks. I am told by WH that he wishes to reconcile with her, but that she does not want to, geee wonder why.

I think that if I contacted him he would tell her. Im not sure about it, but WH tells me that he calls her cell phone and yells profanities at her about what kind of things she is sexually performing for my H. Im not sure he would be of any help at all. I really dont know. And H says he is very abusive and has a gun. I dont think I am quite prepared to contact him.

I dont know on this one.

OWH may have the proof you need.

It is Hopeful4future who said he'd cover Chicago. He is a big guy with a black belt. He'd be ideal.

I also doubt the truth in what your H or OW may say about OWH.
I heard similar stuff and it was all lies.

Just know that everything you have been told about him comes from LIARS whose mission it is to keep you from him. It is a common lie of OW to characterize her H as "abusive," it happens here every day and it is ALWAYS a lie. It is very possible that they are still together and/or knows all about the affair. He can possibly be a GREAT HELP to you.

You need to call him, Heidi, he can be a great help.

And the OW probably even lied to your H about him. This is classic behavior.

Ok thank you all, I will try to find a phone # for him.

contact him after I get proof? I dont know what to say to him at all...

Big guy with black belt would certainly blend in well at the gym <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Although im not sure that OW goes to the gym.

have to get my DD from school bus, be back in a few

Heidi,
When I asked if you were sure he was working, I meant was he chatting with the OW or emailing her. With the keylogger you can find that out. Emails have been used to bust lots of WSs.

Its funny you say that because H and IL's knew the OWH and OW when H was in High School. and when H told IL's about behavior of OWH they were all shocked.

hmmmmmm.... ok ill try to track him down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Heidi, when you talk to OWH, be sure and tell him about these crazy abuse allegations.