Well, I haven't heard from the Mrs. since 2 Sep. Remember the phone call? Well she has called only 3 times since then. Twice when I was at work & once when I was at karate. Seems I'm getting the Plan B. <P>I did send her a card on Sunday apologizing for the way I talked to her (disrespectful judgements), told her I was counseling with Steve to learn/change my relationship behaviors which will help to have a truly healthy & enjoyable relationship. Also, I told her I Love Her & I'm waiting for her.<P>I sent it to wankboys parents house with a "Chris & Donna" return label. <P>Not much has occured since then. I did take my youngest to a fire safety class & to see the child psychologist (she was stealing my lighters and starting fires).<P>Her birthday is 4 Nov. I'm thinking of sending her a simple b'day card (again to his parents house), but address it, "My Wife, Donna", then they will absolutely know she is married, if they haven't looked at the return address label & figured it out yet.<P>Comments?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Great ideas. <P>Especially happy you are taking daughter to the classes and the psychologist. Is this something that would be a lovebuster if you shared it with your wife?<P>I'd say - keep those cards and letters flowing in. Parents are bound to be convicted abut it, if nothing else. And they should be!<P>TNT

Chris,<P>Send the card. Leave the "my wife..." part off the envelope---it's manipulative.<P>Mr and Mrs. Wankboy Sr. will be able to figure this out, especially from the return label. Trying to be obvious in pointing this out will only cause your wife to be upset.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Her birthday is 4 Nov. I'm thinking of sending her a simple b'day card (again to his parents house), but address it, "My Wife, Donna", then they will absolutely know she is married, if they haven't looked at the return address label & figured it out yet.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hmmm... might be a bit much; of course, what do you have to lose? How about something a little subtler, like addressing it to “Mrs. Donna A123” or somesuch? But most definitely, buy a card that says “To my wife who I love, on her birthday” just in case the parents open it. And continue with the “Chris and Donna labels for everything.<BR>

Don’t forget cards from the kids, too! Addressed to the “Mrs.” Address, if you’re gonna go that way. Or maybe even(from the youngest, you know how those kids get ) addressed to, “My Mommy, who I really miss!”

Chris,<BR> I agree with whodat. <BR>And so happy you are taking daughter for the classes and to therapy.<BR>There may be things she is feeling that she doesn't want to say to you, because she has to know you love your wife. She loves her mom too, I'm sure, but I'm also very sure she is hurt by not having her home. Very confusing for a young girl.<BR>Does this make sense ? <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Chris, I have to agree with K, don't go overboard but do keep putting Chris and Donna on the envelope and do send the type of card you really want to send! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

Chris my wife recently had a birthday and I think I found the perfect card. It is a Hallmark card with an "Impromptu" signature on the back. It begins onthe front:<P>"I wish I could take EVERYTHING I'm feeling right now -<P>All my concern for you<P>All my hopes for you<P>All the memories you and I ever shared<P>and pour them into a bottle<P>a glistening blue bottle<P>and you could endlessly puor from this <P>bottle and smooth it on your hands and face<P>And the coolness would comfort you<P>And the exquisite scent would remind you<P>how deeply you are valued<P>how constantly you are thought of<P>how very loved you are"<P>Well you get the gist. It really gives you the opportunity to express how you feel. I included a little blue bottle of scent with the card and some of my own personal sentiments to the effect that anytime she is feeling low she only has to dab some of the content on he hand and inhale the memories of her kids and me who truly love her. She proceeded to break down when she read it.<P>Well it lasted about 1/2 hour and then she got ready for the big night out with the OM.<P>I found the card in some obscure section like remembering?. It has lots of numbers on the back, I don't know which are relevant, but it does have a flip up blue bottle on the front. Don't obscure your true feelings with inuendo. Your card should only say what is in your heart. <P>I edited this message to include all the words of the card.<P><p>[This message has been edited by awoken (edited September 29, 1999).]

BTW, Chris: On the address label front, my W and I have address labels with my son’s name on them, for when he(well... we) sends out Christmas Cards, Valentines, etc. Get some of those, so your kids names will be on the cards from them. They’ll arrive on the same day as yours do, and comparison of the last names by Mr. And Mrs. Wankboy Sr.(gotta love that, K) will be inevitable.

Chris<P>Have you mentioned your girls' reactions to Steve Harley? Drawing from my own experience with kids acting out, I think she needs to know what your girls are doing. She's their mother whether she wants to try and run away from that responsibility or not. For years I didn't tell my stbx about our son's behavioral problems in any more than generalities in a misguided attempt to keep the stress level at a minimum (at the time having no idea about his extramarital activities). The psychologist (who at the time was seeing dad and son both), told me that he needed to know these things. Well, knowing them didn't make him come home or push him further away. But at least he knows full well the affects his choices have made on his kids - all three of them - and he has to live with that.<P>Great idea addressing mail to "Mrs. Donna *" at wankboy's parents' address... Have you considered sending things addressed to "Mrs. Chris *"?<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P>

Patient:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Have you considered sending things addressed to "Mrs. Chris *"?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I thought the same thing, but after seeing K’s post, it might be analogous to addressing it “To My Wife...” At this point in time, she’d likely be really resentful being addressed as a possession of Chris’.<P>She is still “Mrs. Donna ***” though... <BR>

K, why do you have to be so darn logical about everything?<P>Bobbie, yeah, Steve knows what's going on wiht the girls. He told me I'm doing an "excellent" job with them, nipping things in the bud and letting them know they can talk to me, etc.<P>Awoken, I can think of something I might like to put in the bottle! LOL<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Chris I am new to this but I am thankful for your experience. It has given me a little "something" to do to ease my sadness as well as let her know that I still love her. I would definitely continue the cards.

Hi Chris -<P>I like the return address label - very good!!!<P>I like the idea of the girl's sending her cards also!!<P>What's your thoughts on what has been said about letting your Wife in on what the girl's reactions have been to all this?<P>You know, I was thinking (yeah I know I shouldn't I could hurt myself!! LOL!!) that you might be being a little guilt sensitive about the no contact from her. (Is she plan B?) I say this because didn't you not really talk to her anyway before the conversation on the 2nd?<P>I think that was her 6 month check to see if you were mad or ready to end and move on.... <P>She said that she had to go and would talk with you another time, right?<P>It could be just same old, same old!!<P>Maybe she was shocked that you didn't want to go right into a divorce? Maybe she just doesn't know how to make a decision so therefore there is nothing she can say to you.....<P>Thoughts?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba <p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited September 29, 1999).]

I just don’t know. She’s gotta be on crack or something.<P>She called tonight & talked to the girls. Then she talked to me! We were both nice to each other, she wasn’t defensive as I thought she would be. We talked about 15 minutes. She asked about my Mom, the kids, etc. I actually said more than, “yes,” “okay’” “I know.’<P>I apologized for the last call we had. She said, “that’s okay,” a few times (Does this mean I should lay into her more often? LOL) I told her I Loved Her and she replied, “I know,’ as usual, but it didn’t sound quite as cold as before (maybe just wishful thinking?) Anyhoo, she said she would call back later in the week (probably not, but we’ll see) and we’ll have a word then. Didn’t say if she wanted to talk divorce or anything.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Chris:<P>I'm confused, you stated that:<P> "I did send her a card on Sunday apologizing for the way I talked to her (disrespectful judgements), told her I was counseling with Steve to learn/change my relationship behaviors which will help to have a truly healthy & enjoyable relationship"<P>By addressing the cards to her as you stated "to my wife" isn't this the direct opposite of what you are trying to achieve "have a truly healthy and enjoyable relationship"<P>I agree with "K" on this one also. To me it would be a major Love BUSTER<P>GMC900

gmc,<P>Yeah, I know it's wrong, but we have absolutely no relationship right now. I guess I was thinking if they know she is still married, they might start to get on their son & her a bit. Also, they may not let her stay at their house when they are in town. I know my daughters would NEVER bring a married guy into my home 'cause I wouldn't let 'em!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Chris:<P>I know where you're coming from buddy, I've walked in your shoes, believe me. But the problem is, me and you are thinking too rationaly, to an unrational situation. When my wife left me for the other guy, I thought to myself, well lets see...I was a great son-in-law and used to help in-laws anytime they needed me, right. I thought that my In-laws would NEVER except this OM right, wrong!!! What it all boils down to Chris, "Blood is thicker than water". So his parents, if you're like my wife's parent probably feel that even though their son is doing something wrong, well it's their son and will support want ever he's doing, sad but true. My in-laws were so afraid of losing my wife or if they critized her for what she did, that they might not see my kids (their grandkids) ever again because that's the way my wife is, vendictive!!!<P>Anyway, the best advice I can give you is to try to be nice, and let her remember this: Depite what she has done to you and the kids you're still the strong one here.<P>I also want to tell you Chris, I've been coming here to MB for 2 years now but I don't post much,but have followed your story. Many times I have had read some of your wisdom to other people and it has helped me also. Soooo, I want to take this opportune time and say "THANKS CHRIS" and I hope that someday, something I say now or in the future will help someone else.<P>All you here at MB, K, Chris and the rest. You may not know me, but I sure know you!!<P>Thanks<BR>GMC900 over and out :-)