I think he doesn't want you at the office because it will contradict the lies he's told OW about you. He's likely made you out to be this helpless, uncaring, depressed wife and if you go to the office you bust up this fantasy. Not to mention OW thinks its a loveless marriage...as she has undoubtedly been told. Express love as best you can.

Don't warn him...just go when you want or need to. Ignore his foolish demands...with a smile on your face.

Bring him some flowers or a cookie while you're at it.

Mr. Wondering

Hi yah Mr. W,

I just had a great chat with Belle and Dorryoh....we had some good laughs. And you are so right once again. And funny you say flowers <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> The ladies thought that was a good idea too.

Well Im going to run I have a ton to try and do. And not much time left to do it all.

Ill talk to you later tonight.
Take care -
Always Me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hate being suspicious of everything. There is nothing that I can do, nothing that I can hear that doesnt sound suspicious to me. And it doesnt matter who it comes from. Anyone at all that has come into contact with any of my family memebers I think of as suspicious.

Why do I have to feel this way. Why cant I look at anyone and think that they will be able to help me. I talked to the Rabbi and even she I am uncertain of. Actually I feel more certain that she wants me to speak to someone else becuase of her knowledge of my family, and possibly that she has already talked to my H and IL's and quite possibly have talked to and met OW.

I think that my life is doomed.

My H didnt even try to lie tonight. I asked what he was up to tonight, and he said he was with OW and they are going to dinner. How lovely!!!! I dont think there is anything I can do anymore.

I think my H wants to leave me, and I think that his parents are prepared for him to leave me, and that they are acclimating themselves with the OW, I think OW has met with Rabbi, I think my IL's are planning something (my MIL was asking me what size shoes the kids wear, why would she ask that all of a sudden, shes never bought them shoes before)

GRRR I hate being suspicious. I feel like screaming STOP LYING TO ME YOU PPL!!! I hate being lied to more than anything else. Not that it would hurt any less, but at least I wouldnt have to sit around wondering how many ppl are actively destroying my life.

I hate this so much. The Rabbi said to me to try not to think about it. HA!!!! How am I supposed to not think about this.

Ok enough ranting. Sorry Im having yet another bad day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

It sounds like you are living in a nightmare or the twilight zone.

Have you had an appointment with a lawyer yet. You need to protect yourself from these people and be on the offense.

I can't understand how a Rabbi could possibly condone your H's behavior. I really hope she hasn't met with OW. If she is colluding in anyway I would think that you would go above her...not being familiar with whether or not there is a hierarchy in the Jewish faith. Your WH must have spun quite a story.

Did you go to his office today?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

{{{{Heidi & children}}}}

You are a few days away from having the baby. Is there someone that could come and stay with you until then.

Praying for you,
Lady

After he actually said he was going to dinner with OW maybe it was time for you to ask him to move out. His behavior is extremely disrespectful toward you. He is totally a WS. He is being emotionally abusive and maybe you need to protect yourself from him.

I hope you will be able to secure primary custody if it comes to that.

First and foremost you must expose and find out the truth of what his parents know...if your suspicions are correct. It is so awful that you are having to go through this at a time that should be filled with joy.

I wish I could be of more help. I hope your mom is planning to come stay with you soon. I hope you are going to tape some of his conversations both with you and try and get some with OW. You need to build your own case.

get my email from either orchid or losthusband or greengables...

i went thru this.

1)get forensic accountant for the business
2)my xh's parents worked for HIM. similar scenario. he funneled money to them and also out of country.
3)get pi on it now. get proof for court. irrefutable proof
4)bulldog of a lawyer.
5)secure custody. that means grounds. and you can do this while legally separated. just get things done so the man can't wreck your lives or that of the kids.

FORGET talking to anybody at all about xanax or any antidepressant except YOUR DOC...and that will be privileged info. I am worried the mil will try to use it against you. don't ever mention it again.

the ws is crazy.. they will use crumbs and try to spin things against you. even if your depression is THEIR fault ok? get it? he's desperate. all he can say is "my w is nuts"...that's it. but he can try to use it in court.

get all info you can. recon.

blow up affair and expose to all.

expose expose expose. to her family. to their minister. to everyone.

but stay sane...STAY SANE THRU THIS...IT'S IMPORTANT YOU DO NOT LOSE IT.

try to email me. I will have some time this weekend as I am on call and ds is visiting darth.

Heidi,
Read James Dobson's 'Love Must Be Tough' and Surviving an Affair.

Believe and live as though you will survive whether or not your marriage does...you can and will recover. You need to be strong and healthy both physically and mentally. Gather your troups around you...your need the support of your family and friends at this time. You shouldn't be going through this alone. You are blessed to have your family who loves and cares for you and who aren't very far away. I hope they will be there to help protect you and your interests.

I would be awfully tempted to contact the OW and give her a piece of my mind...but that's just me. How dare she...
Not to take any of the responsibility from your WH, of course...I'm just saying...

Hi Heidi,

Read through most of your story and he is a textbook WH...
My advice would be since you just started this "journey" would be to try and find out (unless I missed it) WHAT needs this OW meets in your WH and WHAT needs you think YOU meets for him.

Pretty basic.. but... I'm going somewhere with this....

I have a feeling that this has something to do with a "fling" type of an affair while the BW is pregnant... He did say a while back that he "Hopes you become the loving W you have been after the baby is born"...

I believe this OW is a dangerous one… the one that attracts MOST men.. The “helpless I need a knight in shining armor” type. I DOUBT her H is much like she says he is.. My WW told tales about me including “Beating” her and I am the type of person that won’t even hurt an ant… Her OM’s office thought I was a “monster” I was told… I’m not perfect… but hardly a monster..
Don’t react to your H… he is lost…. Expect the best,,, prepare for the worst…..and PLEASE take care of YOU…. EAT!! Take Vitamins… sleep and exercise… Don’t let this make you bitter and angry….

Anyway… this is the plan I would take that I think will work….

First off… I would DEFFINATLY GO TO HIS OFFICE… I would go (if possible) when my he isn’t there and I would VERY NICELY introduce myself to his OW.. Bring the kids….Let her see you pregnant… I’m sure YOU are a monster to her.. If you know what I mean….
If he’s there… so be it…. Say the kids wanted to see their daddy…. You’re his WIFE….don’t let him forget that.

I would have my Mother come ASAP for two reasons… you need her…. AND…. Your WH will find it hard to continue OPENLY.. “taking OM to dinner” or of he doesn’t like your Mother then SOMEONE that can be a “witness” to his late nights and cold behavior.

I’m not a big fan of exposure I feel it to be a form of “recruiting” and that is supposed to be a no-no and it just makes you look spiteful and hateful… not to say a little “accidental” exposure is wrong.. The …you know… taking out a billboard and handing out flyers at the mall stuff some people here will tell you to do I think is destructive and cruel (not that the affair isn’t but two wrongs don’t make a right) and I could never find where it says to do that on this site……You need to LOVE him home… not FORCE him to hide here..

Try and find LOSTVA’s posts here… she is a GREAT success story using none of the Plan ”B” OR seek and destroy methods….PURE….Plan “A” They are 5 years into recovery now after her H told her he hated her and would rather be with ANY woman other than her…. Plan “A” works……
Remember, Plan "B" is to protect YOUR love for your WH NOT.. a method or trick to wake him up.....

As for filing for D…. I’ve been taught in my almost 6 years here… DO NOT FILE UNLESS YOU NEVER EVER EVER EVER WANT YOUR HUSBAND IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN.. It is not a “tool” to wake him up… it is SERIOUS BUSINESS.. And you better mean it if you file.. On the other hand talking to an attorney to get an idea what the laws are in your state IS a good idea…

You have a long road ahead but this CAN be saved…. Affairs ALWAYS end (well 97% anyway) and your goal should be to become a better person,,, work on YOU….. Do a GREAT Plan “A” get some deposits in the love bank. Become a “safe place” for him to go when the affair ends… Learn what needs you DO fill and which you haven’t done such a good job filling…and get strong in those.

Oh, I would also (carefully) contact OW’s H and see what he knows and you’ll probably find that OW is lying about what type of person he is… Anyway, I’m praying for you… GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Thank you all so very much for all your wishes and advice.

Absolutely wonderful advice. After getting in a major fight with my brother and father this morning, who are completely unsupportive, I was feeling less than good about anything.

I love being able to come here and having the support and knowledge and advice from all of you amazingly wonderful people.

My mother came to stay with my on Monday and she is going to stay until I have the baby. This has not slowed my WH behavior at all. He didnt come home till 10pm last night. Said he was going to dinner with OW, wouldnt tell me where though, then when he got home he wanted to tell me all about it. Said he was at a local place and that he was there with OW and OW's boyfriend, lol, and a friend of the OW's boyfriend who has some business that he thinks he can bring to my H's company. I couldnt help but stop listening after awhile. Im getting so tired of listening to the babble that I cant even stay focused on it anymore. The lies get more and more obsurd daily.

This morning he called after he left the gym and asked if he woke me i said "no, not at all" he asked how I was feeling I said "im great" then he got mad and started to raise his voice, and was saying I dont know what your problem is and why you are being like this but I just wanted to call to see how you and the kids are doing and I have a right to do that. I said "can you please calm down, I dont know why you are so angry right now" he said I was being flippant and rude to him (which is something I have said to him previously) I told him the kids and I are fine, and I was going to let him go and Id talk to him later.

He called back a minute later again yelling and said, I dont know what your problem is but I have a right to call and ask how you all are becuase you are pregnant and you and the kids are sick, so what are you all better all of a sudden? I have a right to ask, so are my kids ok. I say to him "yes we are all ok, I make sure that we are all well taken care of, yes we are all still very sick, but I am taking care of eveyone, so we are all fine" Still in an angry voice he went back to his statement a 3rd time...I said "im going to go now and let you get back to your day, Ill talk with you later" "he said yeah ok, ill let you get back to your day too"

He called my from his office an hour later and said "I have an idea, lets start over" I said "ok that sounds great" He asked how I was feeling I said I was fine, that my belly was aching a bit. He asked how the kids were I told him they were still sick but doing ok. I told him I was going to send our DD to school today. He said he was very busy, and that his business dinner this evening shouldnt take very long, and he should be home early. I said ok, and then his tone changed from the mild calm voice he was talking to me with into "Ok well I need to go, Im glad we could stop fighting for just a minute, ill talk to you later" I didnt even react, I just presumed that meant the OW just walked into his office, and heaven forbid he be on the phone with me in a nice sounding voice. He had to turn it up a notch.

Ive come to think that this is why every Saturday night he has these meltdowns. He doesnt spend a minute of time with me all week long. He is gone most of the day and only comes home to sit in the bathroom, eat and go to bed. He doesnt spend any kind of time with me at all. But on Saturday when he spends with me and the kids, and at the end of the day he realizes what a nice day he had with me and the kids, that he has an absolute meltdown, crying hysterically and everything. And the only way he can stop all of that emense emotion is to start getting mad at me and saying really mean stuff to me.

I truley cant say enough how incredibly helpful it has been to me to have all of you here for me. I cant imagine where I would be right now without MB and all of you. You are all amazing people and I cherish that and all you have done for me just by being here.

Thank you Thank you Thank you...
Always me - Heidi

It sure does sound like when he is angry with you on the phone for no good reason it is probably for the benefit of whomever is in earshot to try to make it seem like you were being b!itchy...to further convince people or OW of the lies he's been telling about you.

What have you done to get further actual proof...of a real A?

Well any of my attempts to get proof of the A have been futile, I have tried on several occasions to get the proof and WH always manages to elude the attempt to catch him.

The proof that I have is disputable im sure, at least by him, and I just dont know what to do to get any further proof. I know based on what I have there is an EA, but I have no proof whatsoever of a PA. And I dont know how to get it either.

Im at a complete loss.

How are you feeling as far as the pregnancy goes? Any contractions yet? Try to concentrate on that right now--it's right around the corner and it'll help you to be rested==mentally, too.
I wish you the best delivery possible and a happy, healthy newborn.

i know my new little guy is really helping me through this-he's so sweet and great to cuddle with at night!

What about the GPS idea? There are these on ebay LandAirSea 3100 GPS, which is where willingtowait got hers. Then you could prove if he goes to OW's trailer or a hotel when he may say he is elsewhere.

Maybe your mom could order it for you so it wouldn't show up on your CC (if you even still have one).

Heidi...

Have your mom stay with the kiddies today, and GO TO HIS OFFICE!!! I gotta tell ya, if Mr. W said that I couldn't come to his office, it would be the same as if he had sent me a formally engraved invitation!!! What do you have to lose by doing this???

Mrs. W

Hi everyone,
So tired.....had a check-up baby and I are doing well. Lost 3 pounds this time. WH actually went with this time. I was excited that he was going with, but kinda uncomfortable at the same time. I felt like I wanted to be very modest in front of him. (Something is wrong when my ob/gyn has been between my legs more than my H - thats just sad)

At any rate, things are progressing well, and if I dont have the baby by my due date then I will set up an appointment to be induced, Dr. said there isnt much reason to wait.

Seeing as how I think that as the baby comes into my life, my husband is going to go out of my life, I hope for her to stay in utero forever. I started to cry when the Dr. said to induce on Feb. 3rd, inside I was screaming NOOOOOOO. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Im having a hard day. Sorry.

Always me-

((((Heidi))))

Well Texasbeauty, I see you have changed your name. Good move. Most of us have ficticious names. I am bumping this to the top as I know you have had your beautiful baby by now and I don't want it to be to hard to find us when you come back.


{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS TEXASBEAUTY}}}}}}}}}}}}

Great name by the way. Suzy is not my name either but I love it for MB!!!!

Hope all is well with you and the new baby!!!