H will be here today to see our 2D's. I have been trying to act as if everything is fine. It wasn't before the D-Day. I had my big therapy session yesterday. I will be going on antiD's I shoud have been on them before all this happened. I have been doing some LB's for years and have been draining H love bank. I have to see OW because of our kids in school. HOW DO I DEAL WITH OW? OWH knows but is away from her for the war. He called me. How much do I tell him is going on? When do you call it a PA after kissing? He says he is trying to see if he misses me. I don't know haw to handle all this somedays

M 6.5 years
1D9 mine
1D5 ours
D-day 12/17/05
on break 12/19/05

Can anyone tell me what does on a break mean? I let H come and go but H does not live here right now. He has been commanded by the military to stay away from OMW. I still have some doubt because of the internet and all.

Post deleted by sickofthis1961

WH has moved out to a friends apartment. WH was the one who told me of his EA w/kissing. It started around begining of Dec. 05. OMW was a new friend of mine that has been having M troubles and we talked about her other EA with an old BF she was having online. WH is in the military and has orders for NC but that does not mean he can not go see someone else.

WH just left we keep it level talking but it is so hard. I know I did things in this relationship that I am not proud of LB's big time but I guess I have to let my action speak because we aren't. IT IS SO HARD!!!

Post deleted by sickofthis1961

I am just going to jump right in. My WH came to me on a day 2 weeks ago stating he has been out with one of my married friends and has been kissing her and has feelings for her. Same night I asked her if she has feelings for him too. The word love did not even come into my head because I never imagined that he could love someone else.
When I found that he had told her he loved her I in shock for a few hours. When I found out that she was at my house during my shock I got very heated. I went home and found them eyeing each other and I slapped him. (I have never in my life done such a thing and that is tearing me up now) I was delivered at note saying things like we have never had sparks. We were like brother and sister. That he has tried to make me happy for years. And true love should not be like this. He says he will always Love me but I am not his true love. He says he is trying to also talk his way out of loving the OMW.

He spent a few nights away and he then came home sleep on the couch for a 2 girls Christmas eve. Christmas eve he was reading email from her. I tried not to get made but I wanted to read the email. He had sent me the first one she had sent to him. He says they have so much incommon and we don't any more. He has been staying at a friends house and when I last heard he has not seen her not because he doesn't want to but her WH said back off they are having there own problems and she latched onto him.

I must put out right now that the day after this I came out of shock and realized there have been some BIG issues that I and we have not talked about in a very long time. I must say I was the taker in this relationship and he has gotten tired. The last time we talked in detail was the day before new years and he said that he was just to comfortable in are relationship and he no longer loves methe way he used to. I just said I had hope and I belived that he did not love me becuse I don't think I could love the person I was. I remained calm thoughout all this and he noticed that. I have been depresses and not living emotional in this realationship for sometime and all of the has been a emotional slap. If I had one thing positive to say in all this is I feel I love him more now because he told me all his issues with me.

I have been reading on plan A but I just don't know if his will ever be ready or if I have that faults hope. I will hold on but I have to see the other woman because of our kids and that hurts every day. My WH has been very casual if I see him. I don't call he but he says I can if he the girls need to.

I am trying to take it day to day but it is so hard. I wake up a know he is not there. I try and keep the negative thoughts out because I a surpossed to be working on my selfesteem. I knew I needed to make changes and I tls him I was doing them for me I must be honest I am doing them for a small percentage for him.

It is this time I am stuck I don't know what to do? I don't want to push him but I am afraid that he might be getting comfortable in the singles life. It has been 2 1/2 week since he has left. The waiting is hurting.

I am not 100% sure that it has not gone PA but I just feel that it has not because of the way he talked to me in the begining and I talked to the OW and there is was was never time to. He did say that he started at first thinking jsut to sleep with her because I was his first. But then he said they just grew in love. Mind you this was over a month long time. WH has only been to her house once to drop off stuff to get her to go for a walk that was told to me by both. OW told first.

Post deleted by sickofthis1961

He does not use the computer here, he has his own at work. I can't find out mush from that side. OWH has been ordered not to call me because he told me that he wants to do something to my WH.
I do know he has changed many passowrds and he is being more distant. As we agreed he is going to see the girls tonight and I planned on going to a movie and he is tsking the girls to the same movie. When he comes over I just smile and keep it light like just a few hours ago. I feel on hold till I read the book but I haven't got it yet. Also I know the OW has a "cousin/brother living w/her to help with the 4 D's she has so she has the time to leave. I sometimes feel I want to spy on her.

I am feeling real low right now. I just saw my WH and noticed he has taken off his wedding ring. I did not say anything tried to stay focused on being pleasant. But when he left I got sick. I know for a fact he took it off on purpose and did not forget to put it back on.

WH and I had promised to take our D's to the movie when we went I saw OMW with her D's. I asked him if he knew that she was coming and his reply was "If I knew do you think I would come?" In my mind I thought yes, just to see her. I also found out by WH that his boss keeps talking to him about this. I don't know if I should talk to the boss to stop because it might be pushing him. I don't know if he is talking to anybody because he has never been a talking about your problem to other people person. I do know that a major percentage of WH friends are single. I wonder about that to.

Well I have decided to talk to his boss. I am not sure how much I want to tell him, but I do want him to lay off of WH so he can work things out on his own. It is hard with the military stepping in and giving orders to have him NC w/OMW because with such a small town you are bound to bump in to each other even if you try and avoid. I also don;t want to get him in trouble that would be pushing to far.

I am also trying to handle this so called break. I don't call him but he calls me because he has some small talk or money question. He comes over but he calls first to p/u something. He just keeps saying he got to comfortable in our M and he does not think of us as M anymore. He says he does not miss me but that was over a week ago. I am not sure when to broach the subject or just keep on dealing with me and wait for him. The waiting is the hardest.

Your husband is military? If he is, or OW is, that changes a lot of things.

If he's military, is he enlisted or officer?

He is enlisted. OMW's H enlisted but gone to war.

All right, I'm a retired senior NCO, if you're not aware of that from my other posts out here.

From long experience with exactly the same problems you are facing as a betrayed spouse, you need to call your husband's first sergeant and let him know of the adultery ASAP. They will take it from there. I would also contact the base/post chaplain and explain the problem to him/her and get the chaplain on your side. You might consider talking with 1stSgt of OMWH also, but that'll probably happen as a result of your exposure to your husband's 1/Sgt anyway. Don't worry about what the 1/Sgt or Commander will do to your husband. He knew the regulations before he dishonored your marriage and his fellow serviceman's marriage. My advice to you is to concern yourself only with trying to get your marriage back together.

OMW H knows and he has informed the chaplin with what has happened since he is in Iraq. I have gone into counseling I have to admit that I slapped my husband in front of OW and it was reported. I was then turned in for abuse. but it was droppped because of WH told them what was going on. I am not sure what the 1St Sgt know but I have not liked his professionalism since the day I met him. I know that his battery commander has concerns and I feel I need to tell my side.

Call the unit HQ and ask specifically to speak with the commander then. Alternately, start with the chaplain or the inspector general, if the commander will not speak with you. First Sergeants are like everyone else. Some have a great deal of aptitude at their job, and some have risen to a position beyond their capabilities.

I have already made a time to talk to him on Monday. He seem very interested in talking to me. As for the chaplin I have never felt comfortable about talking to one.