When is he coming in town? What have you got planned?

(I'm soooo nosey! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> )

He's suppose to come tomorrow...BUT called this evening and said if he isn't feeling better he won't be traveling.

This past Sunday he got bit by something at the fire station. It looks like a spider bite. He went to the ER and they put him on an antibiotic and it's been draining all week and he's been really worn down. He can't sleep well because he falls asleep on his right side and then when he rolls in the night to go on his left side he wakes up because it hurts. He said he wants everything to be perfect when he comes here for the first time and not be miserable and cranky and I told him to do whatever he felt was best.

We left it at he was going to bed early, hoping to get a good nights sleep and would let me know in the morning whether he was making the 6 hour drive or not. He asked me to say a prayer that he sleeps well tonight so he can get here. I REALLY want that but I am preparing myself for the worse as I always do...LOL Hopeless (or helpless) pestimist. LOL!!

Thanks for being nosy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

What's up with Mr Slow...have you just let it fizzle out?

Sooo... it's "tomorrow"... do you know anything yet?

Mr. Slow called last Wed night. He was supposed to be back in town Wednesday. Haven't heard from him. I don't think I can let it fizzle. If/when he calls again, if I just ignore him, he will continue trying, so I will HAVE to do/say something. You know, I think he has some health problems he hasn't told me about, because it seems like he's been sick a lot. But whether or not that's true, I can't handle the lack of communication. I'm not a mind-reader. And if he likes me, he sure doesn't show it. So I kindof have my plan of what to say if/when he calls again.

Add me to the snoopy list!

Sooooo? Is he coming?

Me and BF are doing great, BTW.

Yay! Lex, I'm glad you're doing great. Did you address the issue? Or gain a different perspective?

What you posted to me really helped.
And we've talked -- I think he's there. He shows it, he just doesn't say it. I can live with it a while longer.

I won't give up on expressing my need about it -- but for my own peace of mind, it will be infrequent. Its just not something I can "nag" for. I figure at 6 months it either he does and he says so, or I will say for him he "does not." And that will be my line in the sand. If after 6 months of being fairly serious -- if he can't/won't say ILY, then I will feel free to make my own choices about continuing or changing our arrangement.

Isn't this an opportunity to practice POJA, instead of making it into "my way or the highway"? Just wondering if this is really a hill to die on?

AGG

Nope not here. Possibly next weekend....Not too worried about it..when it's meant to happen it will.

How's everyone else doing?

Alluring; you're handling it exactly right. I'm sure you were looking forward to it. It will happen!

AGG -- I'm going to continue talking about it, keep communicating. So my six month idea is not going to be "BAM its over..." But at six months its going to be my choice to A) continue and be patient some more; or B) consider becoming non-exclusive; or C) decide to not date him anymore.

Its important enough to me that I'm not going to be in a long term relationship with someone that can't tell me how he feels about me.

OK, that sounds reasonable <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. But what if he tells you how he feels about you but without using the specific word - would that really be a dealbreaker? I am not putting words in your mouth, because I would probably have a hard time with it too - but I wonder if, I mean [color:"red"]IF [/color] everything else was perfect, would you really break up with a guy just because he couldn't utter a certain word?

AGG

I'm not saying I would end it.
But the way I am thinking and feeling right now, I would most likely change the terms.

And yeah -- it IS a dealbreaker for me. So eventually I would end the relationship if he can't say the L word. Not willing to sign up for a lifetime of non-communication.

I want an EQUAL partner. And it is not even close to being equal if I say ILY, and he says "thanks" or "I care about you too..."

I think I'm doing what I need to do. I've told him how important it is to me. I'm waiting and being patient.

Help me, is there something more I should do?

My concern is that it's a red-flag of MORE communication problems down the road. If he can't communicate THIS, will he communicate other stuff down the road. Of course we can't predict the future, and I'm not totally sure that 6 months should be the deciding mark for something like that, IF everything else is right - if he's meeting all your needs.

I think we all struggle with dealbreakers. FIguring out which EN's our partner meets, doesn't meet, and what is a dealbreaker. Of course we don't want to make the same mistakes we made in our marriages, and we don't want to get hurt the same way we were hurt the first time.

If he meets your Top EN's, that should be the most important thing. THen LONG-TERM, you should be able to POJA the other EN's. Isn't that how we should look at dating?

I dunno. Honestly... trying to think here. If he was Mr. Perfect is every other way, could you live a lifetime without that word? Strange to think about. If he knew how much it meant to you... how much it hurt you to live without it... he could learn to say it. But 6 months may be too soon to make it a dealbreaker. My only other concern, as I said, would be if it's a red flag of future communication stumbling blocks. Are you going to have to constantly be reading his actions to determine his feelings? Maybe, if you can work to identify more in depth WHY it bothers you, you can explain it that way.

Maybe, he really just needs more time to know you're not going anywhere, before he can open up and say it.

Lex,

I think you are on the right track. Especially if the issue is not that he can't utter the word, but that he simply does not feel "those" feelings. Not being able to utter a word would not, IMO, be a deal breaker - it is like stuttering or something - maybe he simply cannot enunciate it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. But, if he simply does not feel those feelings, and only feels that he cares for you, yeah, that is a huge issue, and I would not blame you for not wanting to be with someone like that. You are looking for a lover, not a brother or a buddy, and last time I looked, "lover" has the word "love" built into it...

You are keeping your eyes open, good girl!

AGG

OK - he's perfect now <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That was easy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ummmm... does that mean he said it? The L word? Or did Good Guy say something to help?

Mr Slow finally called 3 weeks since his last call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Good grief. Well, he told me he was going out of town, and would call on the 4th. Ummmmm, that was a week ago. He called at 10 last night, and I was getting ready for bed. I was not about to rush from brushing my teeth to answer his call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He left a message. Had a death in the family. geez... always something. He said maybe we can talk tomorrow (today), and maybe we can do something. Gee, what a priority I am <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LOL. I sooooo want to just ignore his calls from now on. But that's not very mature, is it? *sigh* I'll just have to tell him I don't want to see him anymore, and that I need more interaction and need to feel more important than an afterthought to someone. He sounded so depressed on his message though.... I just dread the conversation. Maybe it won't be a big deal.

....he said it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I'm ecstatic. He's very very very special.

Faith: Did you talk to Mr. Slow yet? I don't know if I'd feel the need to bother with it.

Alluring: Is this the weekend??? Us snoopy ones want to know! Is the Jim-spell broken? There's nothing like a new interest to break you of a bad habit!

Happy for you Lexxxy!

Hope things keep moving in a positive direction!

Karona

He said it???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Wow!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> He is perfect now! When's the wedding? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

p.s. and no, I haven't talked to him yet. Dreading the phone ringing tonight...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Karona!
Thanks Faith!

(Wedding??? Are you joking??? At this pace it will take him YEARS to work up that kind of courage! And thats just fine with me....I'm perfectly content with what I've got!)

I'm really interested in what you decide to do about Mr. Slow. Is it worth your time to give him a CLUE about women? Or just let him stay oblivious?