Where to start? First, thanks for listening to me and also for any words of advice.

I've been married 18 years and have 2 kids, 10 & 12. 11 years ago and 6 years ago, my husband cheated on me with the same woman, a mutual friend. Then I found out 4 years ago that he had not ended the A with her. She was divorced by then, but he still chose to work things out with me. I was devistated (again). Shortly thereafter, I made bad choices and started an A with a co-worker in another state, while still trying to hold onto what was left of my marriage. Over the past couple of years, we've seen eachother a dozen times and the A had run its course. Plus, things were actually going well with my husband and the A wasn't worth the risk any longer. We ended the affair in November. My husband was suspicious and hired a private investigator at the beginning of Nov and discovered numerous (explicit) emails from the past few years with this guy about our fantasy relationship (which was more than fantasy many times). He's crushed because he thought we were doing so well, and of course, forgot all about the multiple times he cheated on me! Now everything is my fault and he wants me to move out. I STILL LOVE HIM and don't want to lose him. I just don't know what to do. I can't leave the kids and he doesn't want me to take them with me. He just wants to be away from me while he "sorts this out." By the way, my best GF is going through a divorce and the two of them are seeking comfort in eachother, which he tells me is none of my business. I told her how uncomfortable I was, especially since my husband and I are having problems, and she tells me she has feelings for him, too! I told her she's not really my friend because I trusted her. They won't stop talking, however, insist they have not had sex. Please help me!!! He gave me two choices, move out of our home and leave him and the kids or file for divorce. I don't want to do either. I love him! Please help me!

Hang in there, I am sure others will respond soon.
just wanted to say a couple of things:
Do NOT move out. He is bullying you right now. Be strong. do not under any circumstances move out.

His relationship with this friend is an emotional affair at the very least. if you move out, he will feel free to further explore his feelings for her. this cycle the two of you have gotten into has got to stop. You are both being selfish and hurting your kids. Do not call your former other man. Do not give into that temptation. No matter what happens between you and your H, it is not OK to keep getting into that destructive cyle of you cheat on me, I cheat on you. someone has to stand up and be an adult here. Right now, that is you.

Read.
Read here, and also read "Surviving an Affair".

Hang in there. things will get better.

I would never move out and leave my kids. If your WH wants to move out then let him, but do not leave your kids and your home!

Sounds like you both need counseling. I agree with womanoffaith...someone has to be the adult here and stop this cycle. You have children...they will be the ones who suffer the most.

Thanks so much for responding so quickly. I have no desire to see or even talk to the other man - that is done and over and a bad memory in my life (even though it just ended in Nov.) I know that I will never cheat or do anything like that again, no matter who I'm with. My marriage meant more to me. That is until I was hurt for the third time, then I got foolish and selfish. I see both sides and truly believe that being the one who cheats and hurts your spouse is worse than being cheated on. I had control and chose the wrong choices.

He says he will move out if I don't, but he will be pissed about it because I won't do this one thing for him. He says I have not done anything to help our situation, that I just want to act like it didn't happen. That may be partially true - I made a mistake, I learned from it and want to move on...with my H! I do love him and I can't stand the thought of being without him. How do I make him see that he hurt me, too? He says THIS problem is all my fault and my responsibility. He can't see where he did anything wrong or had any part in my choices. He hurt me, too!

Hi, mxmom.

As the others have said, do not leave your home.

Secondly, just to be sure that you understand a basic truth in your relationship, and since you have mentioned choices several times, I want to remind you that love is choice.

Neither you or your husband should be making life altering decisions based on how you feel. Your decisions should be based on your choice to love and care for each other in marriage.

If you are choosing to love your husband, then you must also choose to stand firm in your marriage. Your first act should be to stay in your home with your kids. They need at least one sane parent. You need to be that parent.

All the best,
Gimble

It is very likely that he is having another A, although perhaps EA with his Ding "friend" and this is why it is easy for him to not want to work on things and to have you each separate...

He may be using your A as his "out", his excuse to begin to grow this other R...

Just a thought...

Yes, I've thought about that, too. My two choices - either I move out or we get divorced (he wants me to file). Now he says that I am forcing him to move out since I won't and he's very angry about that. I am trying to stick with Plan A, but it sure is difficult when someone tells you what a horrible person I am. I just don't want him to leave. I want to work things out.

You are not forcing him- he is choosing. Do not move out and do not file.

He wants to monkey on your back. Don't let him do that.