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I wrote an email to the OMW this morning and she responded in what seems to me to be a very hostile tone. I am trying to help he by informing her of her WH activities and she is acting like I am the enemy, is this common?
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Well...you exposed to her before and her husband has likely manipulated her into believing you are a crazy jealous husband with absolutely no proof whatsoever. If that WERE the case then it is logical that she would respond to your email with hostility. She may need the proof but pass by the board any correspondance you send her BEFORE you send it.
What did you tell her last time you exposed to her????
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Hi AS, I haven't posted to you before, but I read another thread you posted, I'm interested in OMW's response also.
God Bless,
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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I wrote an email to the OMW this morning and she responded in what seems to me to be a very hostile tone. I am trying to help he by informing her of her WH activities and she is acting like I am the enemy, is this common? Yes. Most BSs know about the A. They choose to ignore it. Whenever you start intruding into a BS's fantasy, BS is going to react negatively. You put that with the line of BS (I don't mean betrayed spouse) that is being fed to OMW by OM, and you have a very low probability of having the BS believe you. Exposure rarely gets an immediate result. What it does do is make things more difficult for the A to continue. You put enough impediments in the way of the A, and then it will die.
Last edited by Jimmy Mac; 01/05/06 03:38 PM.
FWS
Married: 1976 AS: 1991
D-Day: 1992 AE: 1993
Still married.
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Ok things have happened since my last post, his wife ran straight to him which I figured she might bi I had hoped to get a chance to talk to her in person on the phone so she could get more details than I was able to give her. It seems like she is still hiding her head in the sand, in the anynomous emails I didnt give any details, just hints that something was going on and she would be wise to look into it. Of course her idea of looking into things is to confront her husband, even tho I suggested she wait until she had more information. She was somewhat unreceptive at first but I sent her a more detailed email which she instantly forwared to her husband who called my ex who call me threatening to get back at me. I told my ex I am only doing what I think is best for her and the kids but shes slightly irate ATM. Here is a copy of the OMW's last email.
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I guess I should thank you for exposing Brad. I needed to know. Now we need to work it out from here. I don’t want to know any more details because I do not think they are helpful. I hope you are able to get your family back. Families should stay together. Please don’t send me any more emails.
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it seems she doesnt want any details, she never asked me any questions, I find that so odd, I would be full of questions of someone contacted me giving me details about my spouses affair.
One bonus is that the OM told my wife that he will NOT be calling her anymore, according to her at least, she was about in tears when she told me so I guess it might be true, how long that will last is unknown. I hope I did the right thing but I really uncertain still.
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What are you uncertain about?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We have had some whacked out BS' here who, in their fear and craziness, viewed the exposing BS [the OP's partner] as the enemy. I am always amazed to see that displaced blame, but it does happen. Some folks are just not bright bulbs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'd send her an email saying:
I will not contact you any longer but feel it necessary to provide you the following proof in order to insure you are not being manipulated by your husband into disbelieving my most recent revelations:
Fact 1, Fact 2, Fact 3.
I have copies of such and such to back up these stated facts if you are ever interested in seeing them feel free to contact me.
In addition, Brad already contacted Xwf today to tell her that he was no longer going to be in contact with her and to tell her to tell me he was going to get me back. I hope for her sake he will discontinue stringing her along and as far as his threat...I have no intention of starting a war with Brad...only to expose the truth so that everyone can get on with their lives with the truth fully out in the open.
I wish you and Brad only happiness as you both move on with your lives, together or otherwise. I pray you two can work things out.
Peace, Atomic
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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she is doing a lot of crying, saying that its my fault we are in this situation and now I ruined her only chance at happiness, etc. I told her that I did it because I care about her and my family, she said Im psychotic. We are definately back into conflict, not sure if thats a good thing or not at this point.
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she also said that if I would have just left her alone things with him might have just fizzled out on their own and that she did care about me still but now I ruined that and she will never trust me again, I dont believe her but still sucks when she tries to manipulate me. Is this normal?
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she is doing a lot of crying, saying that its my fault we are in this situation and now I ruined her only chance at happiness, etc. I told her that I did it because I care about her and my family, she said Im psychotic. We are definately back into conflict, not sure if thats a good thing or not at this point. Can't you see that she is upset simply because you screwed up her affair? That is a GOOD THING. saying that its my fault we are in this situation and now I ruined her only chance at happiness, They ALL say this. It is simply an angry reaction to your interference in her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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she also said that if I would have just left her alone things with him might have just fizzled out on their own and that she did care about me still but now I ruined that and she will never trust me again, I dont believe her but still sucks when she tries to manipulate me. Is this normal? sigh........we have heard it all a million times. Why do you allow her to manipulate you like this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. please follow Mr. W's excellent advice and send her that email!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Im not letting her manipulate me because I realize that is what she is trying to do, she wants to know exactly what I told his wife and what she said to me, I told her that im not going to talk to her about it but she wont let it go. Should I try to explain to her why I did what I did or should I refuse to talk with her until shes had some time to calm down?
She even mentioned putting a restraining order on me, I dont know why, I havent even called her for like 5 days and she still calls me every day. ****** last week I had a key to her apartment and stayed there more nights than not, at her invitation. Did I mention that I HATE drama?
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my last email to the omw was pretty good and I think I ended it on a good note, I gave her several details that Im sure she didnt have before, she asked me not to contact her anymore and Im goin to honor that but I left the door open for her to contact me if she feels the need to. I dont want her to think Im trying to harass her or anything, I jsut wanted her to be more informed
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Im not letting her manipulate me because I realize that is what she is trying to do, she wants to know exactly what I told his wife and what she said to me, I told her that im not going to talk to her about it but she wont let it go. Should I try to explain to her why I did what I did or should I refuse to talk with her until shes had some time to calm down?
She even mentioned putting a restraining order on me, I dont know why, I havent even called her for like 5 days and she still calls me every day. ****** last week I had a key to her apartment and stayed there more nights than not, at her invitation. Did I mention that I HATE drama? She will put a restraining order on you for what?? lollol Don't give her any details. Tell her it is none of her business and you won't talk about it. Tell her you are sorry feels so bad and hope she feels better tomorrow. Then say BYE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I suppose she could make something up, unfortunately just about anyone can get a restraining order without much evidance. If she would get one there is a law in this state that supposedly would make me give up all my guns which would totally suck for me but would be a good way to punish someone, I dont think she knows that fortunately.
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It's an idle threat. Don't fret it. She can't get a restraining order to stop you from sending an email to SOMEONE ELSE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The trouble with email is you never know who is actually recieving it and responding to it. It may be the husband who sent the reply.
The phone is more certain.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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