I went to court today (did'nt have to) so now it is over!! I don't know what I thought he would look like today but he came walking down the hall in his black suit he had gotten for his Dads funeral. All I could see is a dead man walking. What do you make of that? I can't even put into words how much it hurt. I did'nt think I would feel so sad for him. He was smug and made it perfectly clear that their was nothing between us, could he think I would ever want to go through this again? Then he called me on the phone to tell me about some charge card bill WHY!!! he could have just mailed it. I went to the grave yard to see my mom and sister both passed in 2005. This divorce has been in front of everything in my life. It was time to say good bye to them too. So was this a day of endings or a day of new beginnings??? I asked God for a miracle and I guss I got one I am still standing, breathing, and each day I will get up and see what God has to bring my way.

As one door closes, another opens. Have faith and stay the course. Good Luck!

It is the begining ... it is hard right now to see it but if you stay on course and put HIM in the center of your life you will see miracle after miracle unfolding.

I was at your position several years ago, now I am stronger in HIM and with HIM.

Just to get closer to HIM worth more than anything <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> .

-rh-

well I didn't sleep all night and I couldn't go to work today. Today I would like to just stay in bed all day!!!!!

Did you stay in bed? My sister has a rule. Everyone gets 24 hours to have the biggest pity party ever, then they have to get up and get on with life.

From your original post, I'd say you're doing an excellent job of getting on with life, especially considering the circumstances. I can't imagine losing my mother and sister.

Good luck. You'll be fine.

I'm in the beginning process of getting a divorce. I also have had deaths in the family this year so I can understand how painful it can be. Unfortunately there is no easy way to deal with these issues. Each day I get up and do through the motions of the day, but I feel sad and sometimes feel like things are never going to get better.

This is where friends and a forum like this help. You can vent, read other peoples stories and see how others have gone through this difficult process. Now that things are final, it is a beginning.

Each day is a new one and brings new challenges and rewards. Yesterday morning I was feeling pretty gloomy and doomy. I went out to get lunch since I forgot it at home and I was making matters worse by saying of course you forgot your lunch, just adds to this already crappy day. When I went got my lunch, there was a woman inside who I thought was very attractive. She smiled at me and turned away. She then did it again. Nothing happened from there since I'm shy, but that made my day. All of a sudden things weren't as bad anymore. Things will get better and you simply don't know when something to make you feel better is going to occur. I hope you have a positive experience soon!

Crushed,

You've gone thru, (going thru), a very painful chapter in your life. As was mentioned before, when one door closes, another opens. And who knows what could be waiting on the other side of that door! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> You just never know what God has planned for you. It's like an adventure everyday you wake up! Sonnyboy's experience is proof of that.

Just take time to notice some of the things that appear in front of you, without even expecting it, and you'll be amazed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hope this helps! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Take Care,

Jennifer68




Take care

Hi, Sonnyboy and Jennifer68 thank you. No I didn't get to stay in bed all day. I unpacked some stuff, hung some things up. I don't think I unpacked things with hope the divorce wouldn't happend but it did and now I need to put my belonging around me so I feel like I have a home. I am living with my Dad and his house has a finished basement with kitchen and bath so its like my own appartment. I need to go get a apt.size stove. Not only did I lose my husband I also lost my home. I need a home. I have a lots of stuff in a storage unit. I like to cook and I don't like to eat out all the time. Not my Dad, he wants to go to Bob Evens every day. He gets mad if I bring food in the house. I need to get the basement around so I can make a meal and invite him down for dinner. I worked today and everyone asked how I was doing? Well I am standing, I'm at work, I think I'm ok for now at this moment. One year ago today my mother passed away. I miss her but I'm glad she did'nt get to see this divorce. Just going through the motions as sonnyboy put it is and has been my days for so long. I get up and I do and go where I have to and the days and weeks run into each other and I cant tell you if I did something that day or was it two weeks ago. The thing I hate the most is weaking up every hour crying and all the things said and the other woman being with him it drives me nuts. A friend went with me to court and after words we went out to eat breakfest, so for my first day of new beginnings I like oatmeal. the second day I had to unpack things so I know there is no going back its over, day three I went to work and I went through the motions(cant expect something every day.) but then I got to read and meet both of you today and we can help each other out and care and be their, and I want to thank you both again

Hey, there, Crushed!

What you're dealing with is very devastating, to say the least! Divorce is like another death, and you have to mourn it like one. But as time goes by, the pain eases, and we adjust. You're probably still in a certain amount of shock.

I'm so sorry about your Mother and Sister. You've really been hit with alot. My heart goes out to you!

Hang in there, and just remember, one day at a time. It's all a process, and you will not only survive this, but come out of it a stronger and wiser person!

Prayers to you...

Jennifer68

I went to church tonight after work and I had left my wedding ring at the alter and the Pastors wife gave it back to me tonight seeing how it is over and the divorce is final. I lost it I cried so much at one point i had to go out to my car. Saten has distroyed my marriage but i will not let him steel my faith. Just seeing this ring brought every thing back to me. God it still hurts so bad I hate this, I want to stop crying And now his new line is he couldn't make me happy but he sure can distroy me without brothering him. I guss I know I am still alive if I can still cry. I don't think I have been this bad in a while. I didnt cry this much when I went to court. Jennifer68 you joind MB on my birthday. was going to tell you that on my last post but forgot. I got about a hour sleep last night I wonder how long you can go with out sleep before you fall over? I might find out for myself. Going job hunting again tomarrow, and the next day and the next day them back to work for the rest of the week and week end. My head is spinning and it hurts my eyes feel like they could fall out of my head, and I need to go to bed. I pray I sleep, and God can give me some joy in my life. do you think you ever run out of tears? and just have dry cries? good night!!!!

Oh, Crushed, I'm so sorry for your pain! I know it hurts tremendously!

I'm glad to hear you went to church. This can truly be a great source of comfort. Just let the tears flow, and get it all out. It's part of the healing process.

God has a plan for you, and I'm sure it's something wonderful! After all you've been thru, the time for something brighter is going to come! Just hang on and have faith!

I think that's pretty neat about me joining this site on your B-day! Happy belated b-day. From this point on, your b-days will get better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hang in there, Crushed, it will be ok! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take care....

Jennifer68

Well, it's time to begin your brand new BETTER life. You've had a lot of losses this year, so it's okay to grieve them. You wouldn't be normal if you didn't.

But then you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on to make a good life for yourself.

It is very hard at first, but does get much easier.

hi, well I went job hunting again today! that always makes you feel like you are starting over. went to two different hospitals, I cant find any thing full time. That scares me to death. Only working part time now and it is every week end. I have to work every sunday so I can only go to the night service at church. I need to be there am and pm. there has been some sundays that I didnt want to leave at all. I wonder if they get sick of me crying all the time. I'm sick of me crying all the time. Went to the Doctors last week and he put me on some medication and is taking me off the medication I have been taking for sleep that is not working at all. I sure will be glad when the new medication starts to work. I just fall apart at any given time. I just want to have some fun, smile, laugh be happy I am alive, NOT THERE YET!!! Just trying to keep my faith is challenge enough. I just can't see the furture yet and being happy with a new life without ..... Thank believer I might fall down alot at first but I will keep picking myself up and try to move on. So Jennifer68 I looked at your post and I want to know what happened to you? maybe I didnt see your first post.

Crushed,

You're an awsome person, I know because you lost your husband, your home, your sister, your income, your mother's furniture, all of your belongings, your yard you worked so hard in, the security of health insurance, income for dental work and retirement <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> AND you're still standing, going to church and trusting God. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> You could have tossed in the towel and numbed yourself with any available man, any kind of income, a fifth of vodka and all the wrong friends to encourage a pity party. Every tidal wave has hit you at once and you're still on your feet asking God what to do next. If you don't see the value in that then ask Him to open your eyes to the strength and purpose He's given you.
This life is such a test with a promise of trials so we can be proven as gold. The problem is, the furnace if really HOT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> I am your number one fan, in your corner and you go!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

AMEN, TUNK! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Great post! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Crushed, my story is somewhere in the thread I started, with the very long title, "Time to bump up the speed on this board! The emotional GAINS of divorce!" I think it's at the end of the first page.

Anyway, I've been divorced for almost 11 yrs. from a former alcoholic, drug user, lying cheater! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> (whew, that was a mouthful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />) He's now reformed. And we are now friends. I think that's as short as I've ever gotten it. You can see all the gory details in my thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I survived this by the grace of God! Bless His ever-lov'n-Soul! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

We are all in your corner, Crushed! Keep moving, it gets easier! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer68

You dont know how much i need this!!!! Out all day doing the job hunt thing. Went to dinner with my Dad. I have NO MONEY!!!!! I get paid Thur. and I have a full tank of gas so I can get to work and they alway have some kind of junk food (CAKE,COOKIES) in the break room for lunch. I called to find out about getting the title to my car and about the settlement and he didnt have time to talk to me was on his way to court and didnt know anything about getting the title to my car from my ex. It's over and I dont know anything about anything. I sure dont want to call mr. ex and I dont feel I have to keep paying for something that is over. I have been talking loud and fast and with lots of anger not really anger <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> but as if I want total attention, wonder what that's about, I was always a wall flower or thorn. could it be because I'm screaming inside and it is leaking out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Crushed, I'm sorry you're having a rough day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> But hey, you have a full tank of gas! I have a quarter tank I have to stretch til' Friday!

And the junk food at work thing, boy, can I relate on that one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I've only been there since Oct. and my clothes are already tighter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I joined the Y about 3 weeks ago. So we'll see!

Any prospects on your job search?

Yes, your emotions are leaking out, boy I say, "Break that dam and LET IT FLOW!!" The sooner you get it out, the better!

You're on the right track, Crushed, beleive me, you are! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take care, and keep us posted! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Jennifer68

well everybody comes to his/her life where you feel lost and empty. i just wanna suggest that you get involved with your social and non-governmental org. this could help you cope up.

my social and non-governmental org.??? whats your story brokenglass? maybe its the name. Feel lost and empty. LOST AND EMPTY, LOST AND EMPTY!!! I'm not lost I know where I am and what happend to me. Empty not at all I'm so full of hurt its over flowing. must be you have been hurt so bad you come across cold. good night

If you are open to support group ... lookup DivorceCare in your local church. It worked for me when I was tear apart by my Dv. Everyone was hurting ... but we got better. Best of all this is a Christian support group.

Hang in there. -rh-