Okay, I have my apartment, I am set to move in the 15th. This is my 3rd Plan B attempt, but the 1st two tries were pretty lame. Anyway, I am ready this time, I feel strong and confident, and I am sorta looking forward to life being on a more even keel.

So, here's the 1st draft of this plan B letter, lemme know what you think.

Thanks,

-Caren

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Dearest WH:

I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. It has been difficult being with you since we moved back in together because things have been so strained.

Your heart hasn't been in this relationship for a while now, and although my love for you is still very strong, I am unable to continue only having a small part of your heart.

I apologize for moving out while you were at work, but I can't handle another goodbye, it's simply too hard for me.

I am requesting, once again, that we have no contact. It is increasingly difficult for me to maintain the love I have for you in the face of all these obstacles, so in order to preserve that love I have to break contact with you. I changed the number on my Virgin Mobile cell phone, and have put minutes on it and given it to DD10, the number is XXX-XXXX. You may contact DD10 anytime you wish, she is the only one that will answer that phone, and you are the only person who will have that number. I will have DD10 dropped off at your work beginning 1-20-2006, and will have her picked up at your work on 1-22-2006 at Noon.

I will continue to not have contact with you until such a time as you are willing to concentrate on our marriage.


I also wanted to let you know that I cannot be a willing participant in the destruction of our marriage, so it would be impossible for me to go ahead with the dissolution as we had discussed.

WH, if there comes a time when you are interested in once again committing yourself to this relationship, I would be happy to discuss this with you. A serious attempt at this would have to mean that you have absolutely no contact with OW EVER, not even in passing, which would mean the removal of the non-working car from her garage, and a letter stating that you no longer wish to have any contact with her and that you are going to work on your marriage and your family.

WH we have had a beautiful life, and I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life loving you and making you happy, I will wait until you remember the love you have for me also.

I love you,


Caren
************************************************************

So......what do you think??? I can't find my copy of my old Plan B letter, I really liked the wording of it.....if anyone has any links to Plan B letter templates...I'd appreciate it...I do better with some kind of template where I can just plug in the applicable info.

-Caren

Caren,

I've been gone for a long time (4 months?). I assume the topic of what went wrong with your first two plan B attempts has been beat to death already.

Do you have a friend or family member to help keep you committed to the first few weeks of darkness?

Good luck.

Caren ... I bumped Spacecase's sample Plan B letter thread for you to look at ...

Yeah, no one had to beat what went wrong with my first 2 plan B's to death.....I know what went wrong...I caved. But my 1st 2 attempts were before my false recovery (Loose term.....lots of *false* not any recovery). Not caving this time. What do you mean do I have someone to help keep me committed?? Do you mean an intermediary? No one even understands what I'm doing sooooo I guess the answer is no. I've tried to explain it to people, but no one gets it.

I was talking to my friend yesterday and telling them about how I wasn't going to have any contact with my WH, and he said "Yeah you will...." I said "No, actually I won't". Everyone who has no prior knowledge of MB doesn't understand the concept....everything is so cut and dry, no grey areas...ya know?? Like "If your spouse cheats on you...you divorce them, no and's, if's or but's" but it's not cut and dry, not for me at least.

Thank you Pep for bumping that, I will go look for it right now.

And may I add.....HOLY CRAP PEP....on the number of posts you have LMAO.....I thought I had a lot.

God Bless,

-Caren

I think this time Caren you will do it. This time you have a real polan and an apartment. How is the job going - I hope you are making enough $$$ now so that you do not have to depend on your WH this time. Who is dropping and picking up DD10 from his job now? I hope they are dependable. As far as OP and what you are doing just tell them you are seperating it is really none of the business anyway. Most people do not understand why we are doing what we are doing. To agravating to explain at this point. I ngot sick of others trying to force their opions on me.

I agree realtor...good suggestion, I should just leave it at *we're separating*.

I am going to try to have my Mom or Dad do it, I didn't want to pin it down to them because A) My WH is very intimidated by my parents (I think he doesn't want them to think bad of him) and B) In the event they can't do it, I may have to have someone else do it.....It's only like 4 blocks from my apartment to his work, so it shouldn't be too difficult.

I am definitely committed this time, I couldn't do it before, I guess I just wasn't strong enough, but I feel much stronger now, and I know that I'll be okay. I attribute my strength to God, because I know I can't do this alone. I know that God will do what is best for me, I have to let him have control. It has helped me so much since I've actually decided to do this, it's what's helped me make it this far living with my WH in our current sitch.

How are things going with you Realtor??? What's going on in your situation now??

Okay, after much searching, I finally found my original Plan B letter......the letter was great, the majority of it was pirated from TravellinMan, but I really liked his wording, I have tailored it to my current situation.

***********************************************************
My Dearest XXXX,

I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, and I continue to be committed to you, our marriage and our family.

I regret that we have been unable to reach a compromise in our relationship that allows us to move forward together, and that the changes that I've made in myself aren't enough for you to feel that you are in love with me.

I apologize for moving while you were at work, but I simply cannot take another goodbye, it's just too hard.

I also want you to know that I am cannot be a willing participant in the destruction of our marriage, therefore, I will not be able to go through with the dissolution as we discussed.

I know that you wanted us to part friends, but I am afraid that is not something that I am capable of, I want you in my life as my husband, my lover and my best friend, and I am sorry, but I cannot accept anything less. This being said, I am going to need to once again break contact with you. To preserve the love that I have for you, I must remove you from my daily life. I will avoid seeing you and speaking with you on the phone.

I have given DD10 my Virgin Mobile cell phone, and I have changed the number to xxx-xxxx. DD10 is the only person who will answer this phone, and you are the only person who will have the number. I am doing this so that you may contact each other whenever you wish.


If you need to contact me regarding DD10, or any other matter, you can do so by leaving a voice mail or text message on my cell phone.


WH, I continue to have the greatest of confidence that we could have a wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. If the time comes when you feel you could commit to trying to build a new life with me, it is something that I would like to discuss with you.

I am aware of your continued contact with OW, I know that she is still visiting the pet shop and I know that you have been in telephone contact with her on at least 3 occasions since we moved back in together, as you know, this is unacceptable to me.

I believe you are aware on what it would take for me to be a part of your life again. You must break all contact with OW and truly commit to working out our differences.

I hope that you will look in your heart and find the love that you once had for me WH, until that time I ask you to respect my wish to have no contact with you.

I pray that the Lord keeps you safe during our time apart.


With All My Love,


Caren

********************************************************

Okay, so what do you think?????? Too much?


-Caren

^bump^

The second letter is missing the part about dropping DD off and picking her up.

Oops, you're right.....ty!!!!

****************************************************
My Dearest XXXX,

I want you to know that I love you with all my heart, and I continue to be committed to you, our marriage and our family.

I regret that we have been unable to reach a compromise in our relationship that allows us to move forward together, and that the changes that I've made in myself aren't enough for you to feel that you are in love with me.

I apologize for moving while you were at work, but I simply cannot take another goodbye, it's just too hard.

I also want you to know that I am cannot be a willing participant in the destruction of our marriage, therefore, I will not be able to go through with the dissolution as we discussed.

I know that you wanted us to part friends, but I am afraid that is not something that I am capable of, I want you in my life as my husband, my lover and my best friend, and I am sorry, but I cannot accept anything less. This being said, I am going to need to once again break contact with you. To preserve the love that I have for you, I must remove you from my daily life. I will avoid seeing you and speaking with you on the phone.

I have given DD10 my Virgin Mobile cell phone, and I have changed the number to xxx-xxxx. DD10 is the only person who will answer this phone, and you are the only person who will have the number. I am doing this so that you may contact each other whenever you wish. I will begin having DD10 dropped off at your work Friday evenings @ 6 pm beginning 1-20-2006, and will have her picked up at your work on 1-22-2006 at Noon, and will continue this schedule on an every other weekend basis.




If you need to contact me regarding DD10, or any other matter, you can do so by leaving a voice mail or text message on my cell phone.


WH, I continue to have the greatest of confidence that we could have a wonderful marriage if we both committed to making it happen. If the time comes when you feel you could commit to trying to build a new life with me, it is something that I would like to discuss with you.

I am aware of your continued contact with OW, I know that she is still visiting the pet shop and I know that you have been in telephone contact with her on at least 3 occasions since we moved back in together, as you know, this is unacceptable to me.

I believe you are aware on what it would take for me to be a part of your life again. You must break all contact with OW and truly commit to working out our differences.

I hope that you will look in your heart and find the love that you once had for me WH, until that time I ask you to respect my wish to have no contact with you.

I pray that the Lord keeps you safe during our time apart.


With All My Love,


Caren

***********************************************************

Does it sound okay, other than omitting that part?

-Caren

Other then Dd pick up and drop off it sounds great.

As far as me and WH - I think it is finally getting better. I think after a couple of broken NC that he has finally figured out where his heart is. In Oct I heard the your not sexually attractive to me stuff. I was in shock after such a long time. No reply when needed you know what I mean. I have hence decided to say -you aren't to me either if that happens again. No more nice woman here. As of last wkend we have finally been able to discuss OW without him getting freaked out at me. He told me something new and it confirmed in my mind what I thought -he saw her before X-Mas the week before. How did I suspect? H had rec'd 2 new t-shirts from me a few weeks before after doing all ogf alundry and sorting his clothes I cam up one shirt short. It was a new one. I asked him taht night where it was it was in his truck. Now he had worked that day and wore his uniform shirt to work. He hid this T-shirt that am. Like a sneaky kid. I found it because I was paying attention to his clothes -this was something he had been doing when Ow was meeting him for lunches ect. But lst wkend he said OW had had her hair cut real short and dyed brown. He said I told her it made her look awful and old. He said she looked gross. I could not believe my ears. But since last wkend the SF is so much now I am exhausted. Don't forget this is the 60 yr old who said for 3 yrs I'm older and can't do it as much - I knew that was a lie then and he sure proves it now. Not bragging but 3 X's is ok for him. So what was up before -he did have a PA and this proves it to me. He was exhausted from all his playing around. I had told him to be a MAN and stand up and just tell me the truth. I'll wait - I am the expert at waiting.If I could go thru all of this I just know you can do it Caren. Stay strong.

bump

Hey Caren -

Just to give credit where it is due, my Plan B letter was an amalgamation of Maddy's and Native's...

I am glad to see your determination...now keep that fire and steel, and do not cave!!! Here is a great quote I ran across here in the past that may help:

"It is the advantage and the nature of the strong that they can bring crucial issues to the fore and take a clear position regarding them. The weak always have to choose between alternatives that are not their own." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison


Now take this to heart and become that strong person...


Cheers-

TM

I don't really have much to add today. I am trying desperately to find ppl to help me move out. I actually have some people but no truck.......I can rent a U-Haul, but I wanted to move the stuff from my Mom's first and then get the stuff out of my current house with him.

He is starting to act suspicious....I don't think he knows why....but I suppose even WS's have gut feelings that something is up. He woke up Sunday morning and said "I know you have a boyfriend" (Which is so untrue it's funny) I said "I do?" He said "Yeah, Caren, I know about him..." I said "Well, I hope he's a dentist, cuz I need to get my teeth fixed." He said "No, he's not a dentist...." I said "Well when you find out what he does for a living, let me know.."

He's doing all kinds of strange things now, like checking up on me several times a day by phone...and before I leave in the morning he says "Soooo what are you going to do today?" (None of his business...but I tell him anyway), also he started going through my cell phone and asking me about the numbers he found in the "received calls, dialed calls and missed calls" He was just going through them and saying "Who's this?" "Who's number is xxx-xxxx?" Stuff like that.

Now, does this sound like a man who wants to divorce me??? He is so screwed up, and if Plan B doesn't make him see the light of day, nothing will...and I've done all I could.

He will definitely assume that I'm going to cave in and see him/talk to him, like I did last time......it's going to be a shocker for him how determined I am to carry on without him. I don't think he's prepared for this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,


Caren

Well....today WH called, I guess I got upset with him about a month ago and told him I was saving for an apartment (He bugs me about when I'm moving out all the time, because the lawyer told him we have to have been separated 45 days before our court date for the dissolution [which I'm not cooperating with]., anyway he keeps asking me how much money I have saved......I actually have the apartment...etc...so I don't have any *saved* exactly...I have been putting money towards utility bills and deposits...and other expenses so I can move in......but he keeps asking. I feel like telling him it's none of his business.....not sure how much to *say* I've saved......Oh well....whatever.

As I said before, he knows something is up. I am going to use my Mom's station wagon and take over whatever will fit (that is stored at Mom's) over there.

*sigh*

-Caren

When do you move out?

In His arms.

I have put the deposit down on the apartment. I pay the rent on Friday, and my utilities and everything will be in my name on the 15th. So tenatively the 15th.

The reason that I say tenantively is because I still want this to come as a total surprise to him, I want him to come home and find me gone.

He is under the impression that I am going to find an apartment....with his assistance, that he is going to help me move, and that we will then go to his lawyer and go over the dissolution paperwork.......well.....I'm not looking over or signing ANYTHING....I am not going to be a willing participant in the destruction of my marriage.

So, I have to make sure that it's all on the D-L (Down Low) so he has no idea until he finds me gone.

I really think that the shock value of me just being GONE is going to be to my advantage.....don't you think?

-Caren

Of course.

In His arms.

How have you been Mortar?? You know I always look forward to your opinions. I think you are very smart, and I will definitely need your support after I make this move.

Thanks for your input....do you think the Plan B letter is okay?

God Bless,

-Caren

P.S. I checked his new cell account and he hasn't used his cell to call her.....not that it means much since they work two doors down from each other. (He keeps saying she hates him......[He never says he hates her though])

Caren,
I think your plan B letter sounds good. Good luck with your plan B. I've been thinking about getting an apt as well. My WH won't leave and won't commit to M.

I'll be praying for you...you sound good...stay strong!

Confused-

Thank you....I feel strong. I have my little nervous moments, but when those hit me I just pray to the Lord to give me the strength to do what he is leading me to do.

And I honestly feel that this is what God wants me to do. He has helped me so much with my confidence, and guiding me, and I feel very strongly that I have to move out in order for me to put my marriage entirely in the Lord's capable hands.......to completely let go, and let God work on my WH.

I also know, that if this doesn't work out, that it was God's will that it didn't, that he has something else in mind for me, and I am okay with that.

I have an inner peace about this the majority of the time, and I am looking forward to removing myself from all the drama, and living again.

Good luck to you too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

-Caren