I saw your post. Don't be afraid to post. Let us help you. Mike and Cindy are just one of the many near miracles I have seen here. Can you tell us your story?

I guess the main reason I don't feel comfortable here is because I know the advice ppl here will give me and I can't do it. I am the WS but it's been a year since the A ended. I was going to tell my H but reached out to my parents and a few others first for help. They strongly encouraged me not to. Of course they know my H and knew of the devastation it'd cause. They said as long as I truelly repent before God and don't go back, I can let go of the guilt and just get on with my life.

hi, i'm a FWW too. welcome.

sooooo, if everything is ok, you are truely repented and believe their advice to not tell is good advice, why are you here??? what can we do for you?

scaredmom, Welcome to MB.

Do you feel there is something not right (such as your own guilt) because you haven't told your H? Is that why you are here?

The bible also says "confess your sins to one another that you may be healed."

I understand you are scared at the outcome of such a confession, but I'm not sure you will find healing until you do it.

Blessings,
Lady

Scaredmomof3,

It would be useful to hear more of your story. We don't know who you are and we will never find out unless you decide to tell selected people you meet here off line.

I think you know the advice you will receive and yes it will be uncomfortable as oppossed to trying to make believe that the A never happened. However, within the context of exposure there are a variety of ways to do it and some will be more positive than others depending on the situation with your H and what kind of man he is.

One thing you need to realize if you do keep this secret...actually more than one thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

1. Your H may never become the H you need if he is not aware of his failings as an H and how you have handled them. I am not saying the A was his fault, I am saying that your receptiveness to this was enhanced IF he failed to meet your needs.

2. You will never be truely close to your H again if you keep this secret because you are going to have to wall off a part of your heart to protect this secret.

3. You are unlikely to move from guilt to remorse because this change of feeling would lead to actions on your part to atone for the A and these changes in actions on your part might be noticed forcing you either to lie more to your H or to stop the actions.

Scaredmom, please do as FF has asked...talk to us here. You might find that the answers you seek come from us, but more likely they will come from within you. I realize this is very scary. I suspect you don't appreciate who is posting to you. FL, for one, can offer you insights and guidance in ways you cannot imagine right now.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

I've actually come a long way in the past year. I was really suffering from depression I actually even resorted to drugs as shamed as I am to admit it but I am alot better than I was a year ago. The thing about my H is that there's no doubt in my mind that he'll immediately demand divorce and take the kids away from me and seek whatever other revenge he could possibly think of. There will be no working things through, healing or whatever. As far as why I'm here, I'm here because I have done this and because I've enjoyed reading other people's stories, knowing that there's many out there who have experienced this and understands. ok, so I admit I don't feel that I fit in here, which is why I said I wasn't comfortable tellin about myself. I didn't necessarily say that that their advice was good advice but it gave me a way out at the time. I was really bad off, suicidal. I absolutely hated myself and what I'd done to him and my kids.

My husband thought the same thing you do. He had it all worked out in his mind how I would respond. He was wrong.

Scaredmomof3,

Ok, let's start with how long you have been married? How many children do you have and what are their ages? How old are you and your H? As for your comment
Actually, you fit here just fine. You want to work on your marriage right? You want a better marriage right? If the answer is yes to these questions you not only "fit" here, you should be here.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

i'm glad you are better than you were a year ago.

suicidal feelings. those are really very scary. i was there for a while too. way too close. i think angels were watching over me until i finally broke down at work and ended up off work for 3 months and in a mental health program. when you say resorted to drugs are you talking Dr. prescribed or self-perscribed?

As far as me and H workin on our M, we've both talked about me moving out. That's going to happen. At least this way, it can be somewhat peaceful. We can raise our children without hatred. We already know our M isn't going to work and I think we're both ok with that.

momof3,

My H too thought he too was gonna lose me.Thats why i think he slepted with this person a few times.He had thought i did it once shes gonna leave why not do it again.

Boy was he wrong.I did'nt get angry,i was hurt but at the same time all this feelings we had locked up just poured out.

You really must tell him.

#1mom

Everyone fits in here. If you don't want to tell your husband, think about that part later.

Do you know what caused you to make the choices that you did? That is very important.

i agree with JL, you fit in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> although i'm not so sure that is a compliment!!! (just a little attempt to send you a smile)

self-prescribed

actually both lol

are you on any drugs now (self or Dr)?

I'm concerned really about givin too much info 'cause I'm spillin my guts here for the whole world to read

no, none

but the whole world will not know it is you. that is the only way i was able to do this too.

no-one knows who you are.where your from.