scaredmom,
(((((scaredmom))))). That's a hug around here in case you haven't seen it yet. No time at all to write right now. Just want to urge you to listen to these wise people. I was in a sitch very similar to yours just a couple of months ago, and the guidance I have received her has served me very, very well. Also, as far as revealing too many details and someone recognizing you, don't worry. I'm actually "famous" and nobody has figured me out yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
--SC

Thank you all so much. I think I actually am coming into possible new hope, who knows. Still don't think it'd ever be able to work out if he knew. Pray for me everyone.

I also will not be on over the weekend. Check back in Mon.
Thanks again!

what does bump mean?

a bump is a meaningless reply that only "bumps" the thread to the top so new people logging on will see it....

ok, thanks

how you doing?

I'm alright, thanks. I've been thinking alot but still can't come to any decisions. It just seems like it'll be more peaceful to just live for today and not worry about yesterday and tomorrow. I know it's probably not right and you all wouldn't agree with it but it's extremely difficult to consider anything else. yeah, I guess I'd be considered selfish or something.

i'm glad you are thinking it all over, it is important stuff.

i'm not sure what you meant by "living for today"

today is what it is due to the past, you can choose to not worry about it, but that does not change anything.

i'm also not so sure your life is very peaceful right now. based on your choosen screen name, scaredmomof3, and based on the turmoil i hear inside of you.

is your life peaceful right now?

in other words... how's your present strategy working for ya?

in anycase, i do hope you keep thinking and keep reading and posting.

I used to watch Dr. Phil all the time when I didn't work and I always cracked up when he would say that, how's that workin for ya? Anyways, yes I still think about my past and worry about it some and I know that I can't change my past but if I just make it to the end of this day like I have been doin for a while, just do the best I can to take care of the kids and do the things I need to do, then everything's ok for now. Then tomorrow I'll do the same. My life might now be perfect and completely "peaceful" right now but it's not horrible either. I've improved sooo much emotionally from where I've been and honestly I don't wanna go back down that road. I don't want to cause that pain on the people I love either. I know I can't change what I've done but I just can't see putting H through the pain of knowing. Maybe a stupid theory

how do I read others' stories?

i certainly don't want you to emotionally slide backwards either!!! been there, done that myself way too much.

you cannot change the past, this is very very true.

i think you can find help here to make the present days more enjoyable, because, from what you wrote, there are present day struggles going on. you and your husband are not very close right now. and i think you have already stated that you would like to have a good relationship with him.

so stick around and learn and see if you can help drive your relationship with your husband for the better in the present day.

even without confessing, YOU can GROW into a healthier person.

YOU can learn new skills.

by changing YOU, your marriage will change too.

so work on YOU.

remove the love busters that YOU do (we ALL do them)

work on meeting your H's ENs

work on EFFECTIVELY communicating your needs.

invest yourself completely into your marriage, be patient. see where that takes you.

there is not one location of each person's story. Some people have bio's and if you click on their name, you can see it in their profile. Some people, but not everyone, have links as part of their "signature" which will open up a thread that tells their story. mostly we come to know each other's stories by reading past posts.

scared, here is a link to my thread on the recovery board from when my H found out about my past A. click here

thank you ff. Anyone else want to give me some personal stories, I'd appreciate it.

i'ld have to do some digging, i don't have one thread that re-caps my story. it's a bit of a mess.

here is my bio:

FWW(me) 42, BH 45, M 9/6/86
15DD, 11DS
short A while engaged: 3/86
short A with co-worker:6/91
internet use began - 4/00
led to PA(s): 7/2001 - 11/03
D-Day (confessed main internet A): 3/21/04
Complete D-Day (confessed everything): 10/26/04

Hi SMof3,

how is the homefront going?

i am bumping this up instead of saying hi in the FWW thread because i worry that you are possibly not focusing on the reason you came here in the first place.

so now that you have read (hopefully both articles as well as various threads) how are you feeling about your marriage and the future of your marriage now?

are you finding stuff here that can help you?

Well, yes. But I keep thinking that H is never going to be dedicated to working that hard on our M. Then I have to remind myself to worry about me and work on me. It's going to be extremely difficult. I just don't know it's worth it. H bought me roses Fri. He never ever does that, it was because we had a fight that morn and I told him I was packin when I got home and going to my parents. I cried when I saw them but it just wasn't as special as I'd want it to be, well, I mean he barely acknowledged me. He didn't actually give me the roses, they were just sitting there when I got home, he didn't smile or hug me or nothing. Just kinda expected everything would be ok.

well, lets give him a small gold star for getting the roses anyway (you can make it as small as you want, but he does get one)

you can judge your H and say he is never going to be dedicated to working hard on your marriage. that is certainly one option. but i don't think that will help anything.

or you can choose to focus on yourself instead. that will be difficult, true. but i think you will find that whether you stay married or not, the work you do on yourself, even if it is difficult, will be worth it. and i really think that is the only way your marriage has a chance at anything.

so, with that said.... what can YOU do differently today as you relate to your H tonight?

if you are not sure, that is ok. post your thoughts and questions or whatever, people here will give you advice <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

well, I am trying really hard (and it takes a lot of trying) to refrain from fussing. I looked at him last night and well, I just smiled and he was like what, I said nothing and after another couple seconds he said it again seeming upset and I said I love you and he repeated it. But I am trying.