yes New Outlook,
that is the site that I went to and looked at about MLC and all that info. He scored a 62 on their test.

And he for sure has the "Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome" that I know for sure.

I am sorry, it was probably just how I misread your post. It seemed like your H had asked for attention for a longer time than it actually was.

No worries...I just dont want to be misunderstood, I get enough of that at home. heh

Are you in a midlife crisis now?

Take time to fill in the following check boxes then total your score at the bottom:

1. Physical Symptoms:

Have you experienced a decrease in your sex drive (libido)?
Do you lack energy?
Have you lost height?
Has your strength and/or endurance decreased?
Are your erections less strong?
Taking longer to recover from injuries and illness.
Less endurance for physical activity.
Feeling fat and gaining weight.
Difficulty reading small print.
Loss or thinning of hair.
Sleep disturbances and fatigue.
"Sore body syndrome" - stiffness.
Excessive sweating.
Cold hands and feet.
Itching.
Has your muscle tone centered around your mid-section?

Your score ________ out of sixteen


2. Home Life:

Do you find yourself falling asleep after dinner?
Frequent fantasizing about getting away from it all.
Do you feel frustrated because so much of your income is spent on others--not you?
Have you increased your use of alcohol, drugs, food, TV, etc recently?
Have you noticed yourself enjoying life less?
Do you feel sudden outbursts of temper and hostility?
Do you find yourself criticizing your mate now more than ever?
Are you experiencing increased forgetfulness about appointments, deadlines, and dates?
Are you recently getting a feeling of anger because you have to serve everyone else?
Are you experiencing an increased feeling of inadequacy around your home and about “parenting” your children?
Have you recently started working out, bought a new wardrobe, or a new car, quad, or motorcycle?
Has your music listening habits changed?
Have you been questioning your reasons for remaining in the marriage?
Have you recently embarked on “home improvement” regimes?
Have you been privately considering what it would be like if you were no longer living here?
Have you found yourself wanting to sleep rather than making love?

Your score ________ out of sixteen


3. Your Work and career:

Have you noticed a recent and growing dissatisfaction in your job or career?
Has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?
Do you find your decision-making is more difficult?
Are you experiencing frequent memory loss while speaking or writing?
Do you find yourself in excessive worrying about everything including your success and job security?
Are you feeling less confident in your work performance?
Do you find that your interest in working has waned?
Have you worked longer hours unnecessarily to avoid going home?
Has your work recently seemed drudgery and lacking in the passion you once maintained?
Do you find yourself frequently irritated by work performance including your own?
Have you been experiencing frequent mistrust of your work associates?
Have you been daydreaming of getting away from it all or to take on a different career?
Do you find a lack of energy to take on or initiate new projects?
Do you notice more frequently that your subordinates been running the race more efficiently than you have?
Do you feel that your job security is threatened?
Have you recently felt overburdened by your responsibilities, not in control of your own time, and the need to run faster to keep up?

Your score ________ out of sixteen



4. Your Personal life:

Are you feeling frequently irritable?
Are you frequently feeling depressed?
Do you fear that life is running out too quickly?
Do you feel grumpier than normal or usual?
Increased nervousness and jumpiness?
Have you been feeling that your body is out of shape?
Disinterest or anger at God, or the church?
Frequent day-dreaming about the good old days of your youth?
Frequent thoughts of taking your life?
Increased feeling of euphoria when talking to someone of the opposite sex?
Are you experiencing difficulty making decisions?
Are you feeling a recent loss of self confidence or joy?
Have you felt a recent loss of purpose and direction in life?
Have you felt isolated, lonely, unattractive, or unloved?
Have you felt recent forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating?
Have you recently been fantasizing about other women, having a sexual affair, or viewed pornography online for personal gratification or masturbation?

Your score ________ out of sixteen



5. Your Sexual life:

Have you recently experienced a lost erection?
Are your recent erections less firm?
Is your recovery time between sexual activities increased dramatically?
Have you recently felt a loss of sexual interest in your mate?
Do you find that you recently require direct physical stimulation to get an erection; a sexy sight or fantastic fantasy may not arouse you as it did before?
Are you feeling an increased anxiety and fear about losing sexual potency?
Increased fantasies about having sex with a new and younger partner.
Is there less of an urge to ejaculate? Sometimes a man might not feel the need to orgasm at all.
The force of ejaculation is not as strong as it once was. The amount of the ejaculate is less and one may have fewer sperm.
Do you find yourself seeking extra-marital aids to stay aroused?
Felt a recent embarrassment concerning your sexual performance that now acts as a deterrent?
Have you given recent consideration to visiting an escort, massage parlor, or “professional sex provider”?
Have you stepped outside of your marriage for sex? (Including phone-sex or online sex)
Have you been recently flirting with a female coworker, client, or acquaintance?
Have you fantasized over certain fetishes to enhance your sex life?
Have you avoided sexual advances from your mate out of a feeling of performance panic?

Your score ________ out of sixteen

Your total score out of a possible Eighty is: ____________


Test results:

Zero to 15
Your results are in the normal range. You should begin planning now for changes in later life. Read books on Men and Adulthood – Understanding Men’s Passages by Gail Sheehy is an excellent book to start with.

16 to 40
If your scores are largely in the physical and sexual life sections 1 and 5, you are in the beginning stages of Andropause. See your Doctor for a bio-available testosterone check. Recommended reading:The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen.
If your scores are dispersed in all sections you are entering the Midlife Male Passage typical to most men between the ages of around 34 through 50+. Acquaint yourself with what this means to a man and how to traverse this important time of life with the least amount of difficulty. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.

41 to 60
You are in Male Midlife Transition and the Beginning Phases of Male Midlife Crisis. You need to be engaged in a Male Mentoring Program or Men’s Group that can help you through this time of life. Find a professional counselor. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen.
Contact Adam Goodman [email]adamgoodman@fortysixty.org.[/email] for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum.

61 to 74
You are in Advanced Midlife Crisis. Find a professional counselor skilled in Midlife Crisis and Male Menopause issues. You need to be engaged in a Male Mentoring Program or Men’s Group that can help you through this time of life. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen.
Contact Adam Goodman [email]adamgoodman@fortysixty.org.[/email] for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum.


75 to 80
You are in Extreme Midlife Crisis. You need assistance from a professional counselor and medical doctor. Recommended reading: Men in Midlife Crisis by Jim Conway, Midlife Passages by Gail Sheehy, I don’t want to talk about it by Terrence Real.The Testosterone Syndrome by Dr. Eugene Shippen. The Irritable Male Syndrome by Jed Diamond.
Contact Adam Goodman adamgoodman@fortysixty.org for reference materials or immediate help and correspondence and join the Private Men’s Forum.

My husband was the poster boy for Mid Life Crisis and his OW was the damsel in distress...I had even filed for Divorce when the man who started the site you have referred to offered him help and today by the grace of God things are turning around...the info at the site is a tremendous help for couples facing this issue...there is a private forum for women whose spouses are going through the crisis as well as a men's private forum with men who are staring the journey with support offered from men who have come out of the tunnel...and many different sections from articles to current studies on this very important issue...I have been a member of MB for over two years and between the two boards I have managed to grow personally and come out the other side a better person...thanks to everyone here for all you do...

Heidi I have posted this over at the forty six forum and thought this would be of help to you as well.. this was a quote taken from Frank Pittman III who wrote the book "Private Lies":

Romantic Infidelity

Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of failing in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate - someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own - is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your life, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.

Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.

People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born - any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.

Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and willing to give up everything. Men in love lose their heads - at least for a while.

and here he writes about what he calls "Spider Women":

Spider Woman


There are women who, by nature romantics, don't quite want to escape their own life and die for love. Instead they'd rather have some guy wreck his life for them. These women have been so recently betrayed by unfaithful men that the wound is still raw and they are out for revenge. A woman who angrily pursues married men is a "spider woman" - she requires human sacrifice to restore her sense of power.

When she is sucking the blood from other people's marriages, she feels some relief from the pain of having her own marriage betrayed. She simply requires that a man love her enough to sacrifice his life for her. She may be particularly attracted to happy marriages, dearly envious of the woman whose husband is faithful and loving to her. Sometimes it isn't clear whether she wants to replace the happy wife or just make her miserable.

The women who are least squeamish and most likely to wreak havoc on other people's marriages are victims of some sort of abuse, so angry that they don't feel bound by the usual rules or obligations, so desperate that they cling to any source of security, and so miserable that they don't bother to think a bit of the end of it.

Josephine Hart's novel Damage, and the recent Louis Malle film version of it, describe such a woman. She seduces her fiancee's depressed father, and after the fiancee discovers the affair and kills himself, she waltzes off from the wreckage of all the lives. She explains that her father disappeared long ago, her mother had been married four or five times, and her brother committed suicide when she left his bed and began to date other boys. She described herself as damaged, and says: "Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive."

Bette was a spider woman. She came to see me only once, with her married affair partner Alvin, a man I had been seeing with his wife Agnes. But I kept up with her through the many people whose lives she touched. Bette's father had run off and left her and her mother when she was just a child, and her stepfather had exposed himself to her. Most recently Bette's manic husband Burt had run off with a stripper, Claudia, and had briefly married her before he crashed and went into a psychiatric hospital.

While Burt was with Claudia, the enraged Bette promptly latched on to Alvin, a laid-back philanderer who had been married to Agnes for decades and had been screwing around casually most of that time. Bette was determined that Alvin was going to divorce Agnes and marry her, desert his children, and raise her now-fatherless kids. The normally cheerful Alvin, who had done a good job for a lifetime of pleasing every woman he met and avoiding getting trapped by any of them, couldn't seem to escape Bette, but he certainly had no desire to leave Agnes. He grew increasingly depressed and suicidal. He felt better after he told the long-suffering Agnes, but he still couldn't move in any direction. Over the next couple of years Bette and Alvin took turns threatening suicide, while Agnes tended her garden, raised her children, ran her business, and waited for the increasingly disoriented and pathetic Alvin to come to his senses.

Agnes finally became sufficiently alarmed about her husband's deterioration that she decided the only way she could save his life was to divorce him. She did, and Alvin promptly dumped Bette. He could not forgive her for what she had made him do to dear, sweet Agnes. He lost no time in taking up with Darlene, with whom he had been flirting for some time, but who wouldn't go out with a married man. Agnes felt relief, and the comfort of a good settlement, but Bette was once again abandoned and desperate.

She called Alvin hourly, alternately threatening suicide, reciting erotic poetry, and offering to fix him dinner. She phoned bomb threats to Darlene's office. Bette called me to tell me what a sociopathic jerk Alvin was to betray her with another woman after all she had done in helping him through his divorce. She wrote sisterly notes to Agnes, offering the comfort of friendship to help one another through the awful experience of being betrayed by this terrible man. At no point did Bette consider that she had done anything wrong. She was now, as she had been all her life, a victim of men, who not only use and abuse women, but won't lay down their lives to rescue them on cue.

Here is a link to his article:


Beyond betrayal: life after infidelity

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1175/is_n3_v26/ai_13700396

New Outlook,

Thank you so much for that article. I think that describes my WH and OW perfectly. Not that it makes me feel any better, but knowledge is power.

I know that OW is my H drug of choice right now. He now throws anything in his life to the side to run out at any expense just to get his fix.

I wish that knowledge made it hurt less. But it doesnt. But what it does give me is understanding, and helps fuel my love and compassion for my H, and keeps me on the path to saving my marriage and not giving up.

So once again, thank you, as I was just having a moment where I was running low on fuel. Thanks for the fill up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Always -
Heidi1115

your welcome Heidi...I know this article shed alot of light for me...take care...(((((NO)))))

Psychiatrist we saw together said that the majority of the time the woman is right when they suspect an A. I was devastated, but not shocked, to find my WH's car at OW's once again. Everything pointed in that direction. If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it is most likely a duck. But, WH still says he needed a "friend". Do I have "STUPID" stamped on my forehead? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Take care, this is not easy.

Thank you so much for the Romantic Infidelity article. I have always belived this to be true of the FOW in my situation, and reading that just confirmed it for me. I have printed out a copy and the next time I start to feel like I have to compete with that "wonderful, perfect person" that ghost I imagined her to have been I'll re-read it. Thanks again