I am new here and looking for some input. I am currently going through a divorce. We have only been married 2 1/2 years. We have been seperated for a year. Although we were seperated, we were still trying to work things out. In October, my husband abruptly told me in a phone call that he was done! He got mad at me over something stupid and ended it. A couple of days later, he sent me an email saying that he wanted his house key back because he wanted privacy and that he would respect mine. About a week later, I asked him if he was dating and he said that he was. I know that he left me for another woman. I guess he felt that it was okay since he and I were on and off for a year. There were times we would go a couple of weeks without talking to each other because he was mad at me. Anyway, I believe that is how he tried to justify it.

When we were married, he told me all of the time that he wanted a divorce. He told me after a couple weeks of marriage. He continued to tell me that throughout our marriage. It happened about every week or every other week. He would also get mad at me and sleep on the sofa. This also happened all of the time. Every time he would tell me he wanted a divorce, I would beg him not to do it. He knew how much the marriage meant to me and that I was willing to do whatever it took to work things out.

I began resenting him for telling me all of the time he wanted a divorce. I would tell him how much it hurt me. However, he continued to do it. He would also tell me how unhappy he was and that we were just not right for eachother. It just seemed like no matter what I did, it was wrong! AND I tried so hard to please him. It was like the things that he did were okay and forgivable. However, my mistakes just could not be forgiven or forgotten.

He would constantly tell me how to raise my son. That my son acted like a wus (he actually said the other word). That I did not spend enough time with him and that I was finacially retarded. Money was a huge issue for him.

Anyway, I am having trouble dealing with the fact that he left me for another woman. After all the hard work I did and tried so hard to make our marriage work that he could just dump me at the drop of a dime. I feel like such a fool. I am taking this very hard as I feel like he thought I was just not good enough for him. At the beginning of our marriage, he would tell me what a great marriage he had before. Not only did it hurt, but he would tell me how screwed up our marriage was. This was his third marriage.

Can somebody please help. I really would like some feedback. I just can't get over what he did to me!

Lily,

Welcome to Marriage Builders.

Are you still hoping for a reconciliaton or are you, at this point, just trying to learn to cope with the divorce?

Hi Lilygrace,

Welcome to MB.
I'm sorry to hear the way your H has been treating you.
It seems he is not an easy man to please. He's a cheater and very verbally abusive it seems toward you and your DS. No woman or child deserves to be treated that way Lily.


His saying this concerns me. When was he married before, and why did they divorce?

Lady

Lily,

Sounds maybe like your husband likes getting married, he just doesn't like being married.

I have met people like this before, they are always looking to some thing or some person who will finally make them happy....but they don't realize that they need to start with themselves. Believe me, he will probably treat any future "wife" the same way.



Who

May I ask, why did you marry this guy? Was it a security thing for you? How long were you a single mother? How old is your son? How long did you know him before you married?

It sounds like your H has control issues, as in he must be in control. This is no way to have a marriage. Is it any wonder this is his THIRD?

Frozen1229 - Thank you for your welcome! I did hope for reconciliation, but only if he would do a complete turn around. I know that he will never change towards me and that I will never get an apology. I had always hoped he would show up at my door and say that he really screwed up, but that's never going to happen. I also know at this point that I would feel like a complete fool for taking him back after all of the bad things he has done to me. I guess I am trying to deal with the betrayal that I feel. What really gets me is that he feels I really mistreated him!

Ladysheep - He is not an easy man to please. At least I know that I couldn't please him. I really believe that he feels I am not good enough for him. He is much more educated than I and always dated women who were very educated and successful. I don't understand why he married me then. I really believe he just wanted to get married and it appealed to him that I was ten years younger than him. His second marriage was for about 10 or 11 years and they had 3 children. His wife left him. He says that she got a job at a restaraunt/bar and that she quit coming home and that she started to hang out with the people who worked there. He said she then met a lady who he felt was interested in her romantically. He said the woman was always at their house and that she came between their marriage. He told me he thought something was going on between them. He made it quite clear that he disliked this woman. When he and I first started dating, he told people right in front of me that he liked being married and that he had a good marriage. That they never fought and that she was a beautiful woman. That really hurt me and I never forgot that. Esp. after we got married and he would tell me how unhappy he was.

Whome - I totally agree with you that he likes getting married. When I met him, he and this woman had just broken up. I heard through the grapevine that he wanted to get married, but she didn't. I asked him about this and he said it wasn't true. However, before I even asked him about these accusations, he would tell me things about her like "Hey, you snooze, you loose!" So I know that what I heard was true. His daughter also told me that her dad could not be without a woman. There is a part of me that believes that he married me not only because he just wanted to be married, but also to get even with the women who wouldn't marry him. I feel very used. I can't believe someone would do these things to me when all I wanted was for this guy to love me.

Grapegirl - I do believe part of it was a security thing for me. I was a single mother for ten years and I wanted so much to settle down and have a husband, a good father for my child, and a family. I know that I am a fool for marrying him. There were red flags even before we were married. He broke up with me a lot before we were married and even called off our wedding. We knew each other for a year before we got married so that is not a very long time. I think I felt that because he wanted to marry me, he must really love me. I was so used to dating men who could not accept my child because they were young and didn't have any kids of their own. When he came along, he was very attractive to me. He had a good job, he was a father, and he accepted that I had a child. The only thing about that is that even though he accepted that I had a child, he did not accept my son for who he was. He tried to change my boy and would make fun of him for things like watching cartoons (he was 10-years-old)and would get on me about his weight, his table manners, etc. AND I agree that he has control issues. I even told him that and he said he is the most easy going guy! Go figure! I just can't believe he treated me the way he did when all I wanted was for him to love me. I know that I am better off without him, but I guess I feel so wronged that somebody who I cared about so much could treat me like dirt. I am also having trouble with the betrayal thing. I am scared too that I will not find anyone else. I know that sounds pathetic, but I worry about that.