I've been doing good. Trying to move on since WH has made it clear he wants to end M. He claims he has filed for D but I haven't received any paperwork. He kept me from seeing my SS's over the holidays and acts as if he is justified in everything he does. He claims he is not with OW but I know otherwise. He tells me so many lies.

Since oldest SS (19) did not come over for Christmas and his bank account is overdrawn, I put $140 in his account (my grocery money). I called SS's cell to tell him I put the money in but his account was still negative. He hung up when he realized that it was me on the phone!!!! This is the SS that hugged my neck and told me he loved me the last time I saw him. I have been his step-mother for 9 years.

I was furious and drove to the private school where my WH works and my DD attends. (WH insisted on adopting DD when we married. Now he has cut DD off as well and says horrible things about her.) WH was not in his room and I saw that he had emailed another woman (not OW) that he has always been a little too friendly with. He came in so I didn't have time to go through his email.

I hadn't seen him in weeks and all the hurt feelings just overwhelmed me. I was screaming and cursing like a sailor. Security and the principal had to escort me out. Well, they know about the A now. WH does have a moral clause in his contract. Not sure if he will lose his job.

I know that I am the one that looked like a fool. I even scared myself. I was shaking when I left. I didn't realize that I was hiding so much pain and anger. I just want this insanity to be over.

(((((fbwidow)))))

Keep strong

sometimes you feel you are the only one that can feel or see that you are fighting as hard as you can to save your life.

I sent an email appology to the principal and this was his response:



I must have lost it more than even I thought! I really didn't think that any kids were in the classes near his room (portable outside the main building). I hope there weren't. I was very loud. My WH (who is 3 times my size) has said that he is scared of my temper. I used to have a bad temper. It was always when I felt backed into a corner and I could almost feel something snap inside my head. However, I made a point to work on it several years ago and haven't lost my temper like that in a long time.

Sometimes I don't know if there is something wrong with me or if WH is pushing my buttons to make me crazy so that he will look good. He looked so rightous, like he couldn't understand why I would be upset at him this morning. He has told me so many lies that I'm not sure what the truth is anymore. I am so disgusted that I made a fool out of myself like that.

I told my friend that I don't know why I let him get to me like that. She said "it's because you still love him." She's right. I must be crazy to love someone that has hurt me so much. I sometimes feel like I am hanging onto my sanity by a thread.

Think of the episode as Situational invoked anger.
It is serious if he is sending a certified letter.
I hope you have a counselor to help you through this time. It sounds like you need one.

I am still going to MC. I thought that counselor was giving good advice when WH was going with me. However, MC was fooled by WH. Sometimes I think she is too nice. Maybe I want someone to tell me that something is wrong with me. That way there would be a reason for all of this.

Sometimes counselors may appear to be nice to gain trust or to keep someone engaged.
Have you asked counselor if you need to be on meds?

After the 1st dday I got depressed and suicidal. At that time MC told me to increase my frequency of visits or she would recommend me to someone to prescribe medication. I have seen some examples of medication gone wrong so I resisted the medication but I did get better.

After this morning, I am starting to think about it. I go in to GYN to get tested for STD's on Monday. I may discuss it with her. I've also heard there is a new birth control that helps mood swings.

I bet that for every instance where medication worsens the situation, there are many where it helps.

My understanding is that medication is not effective for situational depression.

Hi FP,

No, she's not right. It's because you/your sanity/your self worth are too wrapped up in this. It's because you felt entitled to loose it because he's been so horrible. It's about alot of things, but it's not about love.

Please take extra good care of yourself right now. Perhaps the OBGYN can perscribe some anti-d's for a while. I'm really sorry - Dru