I am a 36 year old female, married to a 35 year old male. We have been married for 16 years. We have had a good marriage until the past 3-4 years. During that time, my husband took a new job which was very stressful. It seemed at that time, things in our marriage took a different term. He was tired and therefore, came in from work and would not do a lot with me and furthermore, not even stay up and talk with me. I did start having feelings of resentment because of this.

We had been hanging around a relative of mine and her husband quite often. To make a long story short, I did have an emotional affair with him. He is one of those men who are always charmers and say all the right things - making you feel special all the time.

To tie this in with my heading, "Living with Mother and Father-in-Law", my husband confronted me about the relationship with this man and moved out of our house and in with his mother and father. I realized how much I did love my husband and wanted things to work for us together and ended the relationship with the other man. After this man's wife found out about the relationship, she did come to my house and break the front glass window trying to get to me. When I called my husband, he and his mother and father immediately came to my home and started packing my things and said I was going "home" with them. I also agreed to put the house for sale (however after 8 months, it has not sold). Because I was so grateful that my husband wanted to be with me, I did go but always thinking that we would eventually go back home.

However, it has now been 8 months and I have almost had to give him an ultimatum that I was going home and he could go with me or stay with his mother and father. He has agreed to go home and we will be moving tomorrow. He says that he is willing to see how things go living at home. His mother constantly reminds me that her son should not be unhappy living in that house and that he and I should come back and live with them until the house finally sells.

I very much want to be with my husband as I love him dearly. Part of the problem in our marriage has been that he has always included his mother, father, and many of our friends in our marital issues.

What am I to do? Should I be miserable only so that he is not miserable? I know there are bad memories in our home of the problems that we have had but I don't feel that is a reason to run from them either. I want to hope that he will truly give it a chance but in the back of my mind, I feel that he is telling our friends and his mother/father that he is just going there until the house sells.

Please advise.

Thanks!! (Sorry for the long story)

There are some real truths here that you must realize:
1. You can't fix someone else. Your husband needs to be in counseling for being a momma's boy.
2. You need to grow up and stop blaming the "charmer" for the EA. You choose to go outside your marriage to make yourself feel better.
3. Your husband needs to realize it is a house. (brick and wood) It is not some "haunted place". He is using that as an excuse not to move on. If you are selling it for another reason (finances, etc) then that is fine...but to sell it because there are "memories" is immature.

Both of you need to sit down and restructure your marriage.

You need to make clear points, the most important being that neither of you will ever go outside your marriage to discuss problems you are having.

He doesn't need to talk to mom, dad etc
You don't need to look for some "charmer" to make you feel better.
You need clear boundaries in writing and he needs to tell his family that he won't be discussing your marriage with them any longer. You need to be present when he tells them that. No exception.

But realize that there is only so much you can do. You do seem to be ready. But you can't make him do anything he isn't willing to do.

I am no expert. Just have years of on the job training.

But this must start with JUST the two of you...period.

PS: I hope you had your relative that broke your window arrested.